I need to vent, because my hubby dosen't get it...
I am so angry and hurt right now and I have to vent here becaue I can't think of anywhere else where anyone else is gonna understand me... I'm probably wrong for feeling like this... but at the moment I just don't get it.....
I had RNY last week (13th) and I am following my diet pretty well. So the last few days my husband has decided that he needs to eat... so everything in the house is getting cooked. I was managing things pretty well and handling things as well as I could... but about an hour ago he decided to put in a huge batch of fudge brownies. The house filled up with this smell and then I had to sit and watch him eat it....
so I get angry, I start to cry and he didn't get why.... I understand that it is something that I may not ever be able to have again... I do... I really get that. But, I guess I see it as him being really rude and it hurts. Yesterday he made Rice Krispie treats and thats fine... that didn't bother me... BROWNIES.... are killing me!!!!!
((( okay, hoping I feel better now, thanks for listening )))
I had RNY last week (13th) and I am following my diet pretty well. So the last few days my husband has decided that he needs to eat... so everything in the house is getting cooked. I was managing things pretty well and handling things as well as I could... but about an hour ago he decided to put in a huge batch of fudge brownies. The house filled up with this smell and then I had to sit and watch him eat it....
so I get angry, I start to cry and he didn't get why.... I understand that it is something that I may not ever be able to have again... I do... I really get that. But, I guess I see it as him being really rude and it hurts. Yesterday he made Rice Krispie treats and thats fine... that didn't bother me... BROWNIES.... are killing me!!!!!
((( okay, hoping I feel better now, thanks for listening )))
I do understand where your coming from Amy. And I would find that hurtful and rude as well, but I'm sure it wasn't his intention of course. He just didn't think about it and how something as simple yet delicious would effect you. It'll take some getting used to of course, like everything else. I'm looking forward to my surgery and going through all the changes, and on the other side, I'm not because of the things I may never get to taste or have again. But I'm ready. I can do it. And so can you! I know I don't know you that well yet, but I can sense you are strong and determined. Things will get better.
I'm sorry. I'm going to be blunt and may offend you. That is not my intention. I'm going to say this in an attempt to HELP you.
Your husband is trying to sabotage you. Many support groups, post-ops and surgeons warn pre-ops that they may have to face this. It may not be INTENTIONAL. But it IS sabotage none-the-less.
You really need to have a heart to heart with your husband. He needs to understand that there are certain foods that may be trigger foods/smells/etc for you and he needs to keep those foods out of the house. Now some people don't agree with me and that's okay. They say (and your husband may say), "I didn't have surgery. YOU did. Why should I have to give up brownies?" (Or fill in brownies with whatever trigger food gives you trouble.)
The answer is very simple. Because he loves you and should want you to succeed. Unless he loves BROWNIES more than he loves YOU, he should be willing to not eat/bake brownies around you. You wouldn't be asking him to give up brownies. You'd just be asking him to give up brownies in front of you.
MANY people who have weight loss surgery are like alcoholics trying to recover. It is a LOT harder to do if there are drinkers or drunks in your immediate family that refuse to quit drinking in front of you. That's why AA teaches you to surround yourself with sober people. Keeping yourself surrounded by people who drink makes it harder for you not to.
It's even harder in some ways for us because you can't NOT eat and you can't have your family not eat. But what you CAN do and in my opinion what you are ENTITLED to do, is to expect the support of those who love you. Being considerate is part of support. It is inconsiderate to bake and eat brownies in front of someone you know can't eat them. Even a kid knows you shouldn't eat candy in front of another kid that doesn't have or can't have any.
HOWEVER, he may truly not understand what his eating these things are doing to you. You need to tell him. In plain spoken terms, tell him which foods bother you.
You didn't have weight loss surgery for kicks. If you are like most all of of us, you had it because obesity was killing you (either slowly or quickly). This is literally a LIFE or DEATH issue with you. That trumps everything. His right to eat crap does not override your right to live. Some people don't agree with me and that's okay. They can roll their dice with that and see how it works for them long term.
When I had my WLS, I told my husband that we would no longer be keeping crap in our house anymore because I didn't want to be tempted. (One cannot make brownies if one does not have brownie mix in the house.) My husband didn't believe me. He brought home a big bag of chips. I threw the whole bag in the trash. He pulled them out of the trash the next morning. I threw them away again, this time crushing them in my hands to crumbs, turning the bag upside down above the trash and pouring the chips into the trash, then throwing the empty bag in on top of them. He didn't pull them back out. He bought a couple of more junk food items that met the same fate before he learned that I was not kidding. This was my LIFE and that is nothing to kid about.
And really... do my kids need that sort of foods around the house? Isn't that what I grew up with around my house? Look what it did for me. Is that the kind of crap I want around the house for my kids and/or my husband to snack on? The whole family could and SHOULD eat healthier.
It DOES get easier as time passes. After the first 6 months or so, it gets easier because you are more used to living/eating your new, healthier way.
After our initial "no junk food at all" period of my first 6 months or so post-op, my husband and I came to the agreement that he could keep certain junk foods around the house - it just couldn't be a junk food that I liked. There are plenty of junk foods that I absolutely hate. If he wants brownies (which were a trigger food for me - I used to could eat 2 pans by myself), he buys them and eats them AWAY from the house. It would be unloving and downright cruel for him to eat them in front of me knowing that I could possibly be triggered into unhealthy (and even life-threatening) behaviors. He loves me too much to possibly sabotage me in that way.
Please talk to your husband. This is your chance to save your life. Family can be your biggest supporters. Or your biggest obstacles. They can't be both. They can try to do both - but they can't succeed at both. They will succeed at one and fail at the other. Lay the facts on the line for him and he'll let you know what he is willing to do. Then you have to decide how you'll proceed from there.
Good luck!
Your husband is trying to sabotage you. Many support groups, post-ops and surgeons warn pre-ops that they may have to face this. It may not be INTENTIONAL. But it IS sabotage none-the-less.
You really need to have a heart to heart with your husband. He needs to understand that there are certain foods that may be trigger foods/smells/etc for you and he needs to keep those foods out of the house. Now some people don't agree with me and that's okay. They say (and your husband may say), "I didn't have surgery. YOU did. Why should I have to give up brownies?" (Or fill in brownies with whatever trigger food gives you trouble.)
The answer is very simple. Because he loves you and should want you to succeed. Unless he loves BROWNIES more than he loves YOU, he should be willing to not eat/bake brownies around you. You wouldn't be asking him to give up brownies. You'd just be asking him to give up brownies in front of you.
MANY people who have weight loss surgery are like alcoholics trying to recover. It is a LOT harder to do if there are drinkers or drunks in your immediate family that refuse to quit drinking in front of you. That's why AA teaches you to surround yourself with sober people. Keeping yourself surrounded by people who drink makes it harder for you not to.
It's even harder in some ways for us because you can't NOT eat and you can't have your family not eat. But what you CAN do and in my opinion what you are ENTITLED to do, is to expect the support of those who love you. Being considerate is part of support. It is inconsiderate to bake and eat brownies in front of someone you know can't eat them. Even a kid knows you shouldn't eat candy in front of another kid that doesn't have or can't have any.
HOWEVER, he may truly not understand what his eating these things are doing to you. You need to tell him. In plain spoken terms, tell him which foods bother you.
You didn't have weight loss surgery for kicks. If you are like most all of of us, you had it because obesity was killing you (either slowly or quickly). This is literally a LIFE or DEATH issue with you. That trumps everything. His right to eat crap does not override your right to live. Some people don't agree with me and that's okay. They can roll their dice with that and see how it works for them long term.
When I had my WLS, I told my husband that we would no longer be keeping crap in our house anymore because I didn't want to be tempted. (One cannot make brownies if one does not have brownie mix in the house.) My husband didn't believe me. He brought home a big bag of chips. I threw the whole bag in the trash. He pulled them out of the trash the next morning. I threw them away again, this time crushing them in my hands to crumbs, turning the bag upside down above the trash and pouring the chips into the trash, then throwing the empty bag in on top of them. He didn't pull them back out. He bought a couple of more junk food items that met the same fate before he learned that I was not kidding. This was my LIFE and that is nothing to kid about.
And really... do my kids need that sort of foods around the house? Isn't that what I grew up with around my house? Look what it did for me. Is that the kind of crap I want around the house for my kids and/or my husband to snack on? The whole family could and SHOULD eat healthier.
It DOES get easier as time passes. After the first 6 months or so, it gets easier because you are more used to living/eating your new, healthier way.
After our initial "no junk food at all" period of my first 6 months or so post-op, my husband and I came to the agreement that he could keep certain junk foods around the house - it just couldn't be a junk food that I liked. There are plenty of junk foods that I absolutely hate. If he wants brownies (which were a trigger food for me - I used to could eat 2 pans by myself), he buys them and eats them AWAY from the house. It would be unloving and downright cruel for him to eat them in front of me knowing that I could possibly be triggered into unhealthy (and even life-threatening) behaviors. He loves me too much to possibly sabotage me in that way.
Please talk to your husband. This is your chance to save your life. Family can be your biggest supporters. Or your biggest obstacles. They can't be both. They can try to do both - but they can't succeed at both. They will succeed at one and fail at the other. Lay the facts on the line for him and he'll let you know what he is willing to do. Then you have to decide how you'll proceed from there.
Good luck!
I appreciate it very much! We sat and had a talk that night... I also used the whole "AA" thing and he finally got it. I think the thing that made me so angry was the fact that when I started crying about it whlie it was happening was the fact that he yelled at me "So what? I'm just not allowed to eat it any more either?"
It really made me see red. I quickly got over it... I scrubbed the kitchen and opened every window in the house to get the scent out... but wow... I guess I had no idea how badly just the smell would make me act. I felt like someone else had stepped into my body and I literally felt something in my head click and I NEEDED them. It was like a drug I had been addicted to. It made me crazy.
I explained to him that I knew one day I was gonna have to face it (heck, my sons birthday is today and when we have a party for him next week I'm gonna be faced with making and serving a cake I can't touch...) I had no clue it was gonna be so hard.
That was the first major hurdle I have had to face and man oh man it kicked my butt! LOL!! Now... on to Thanksgiving!!!
It really made me see red. I quickly got over it... I scrubbed the kitchen and opened every window in the house to get the scent out... but wow... I guess I had no idea how badly just the smell would make me act. I felt like someone else had stepped into my body and I literally felt something in my head click and I NEEDED them. It was like a drug I had been addicted to. It made me crazy.
I explained to him that I knew one day I was gonna have to face it (heck, my sons birthday is today and when we have a party for him next week I'm gonna be faced with making and serving a cake I can't touch...) I had no clue it was gonna be so hard.
That was the first major hurdle I have had to face and man oh man it kicked my butt! LOL!! Now... on to Thanksgiving!!!
It really does get easier. I look at most foods that I used to would binge on and it's almost automatic now to tell myself, "Oh I don't eat that anymore." and just wave it away without another thought.
But there are still some sights and especially smells that I have to fight to keep from giving in to the me that binged my way to 255 pounds. The worst smell-triggers for me (that still get to me to this day) - ANYTHING from McDonalds, certain pizzas & certain cookies/brownies.
Happy Thanksgiving!
But there are still some sights and especially smells that I have to fight to keep from giving in to the me that binged my way to 255 pounds. The worst smell-triggers for me (that still get to me to this day) - ANYTHING from McDonalds, certain pizzas & certain cookies/brownies.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am going to have the same problem when it comes to brownies. It's the smell and taste of them that seems to be over powering ( makes you lose your mind, it's the chocolate thing) but if the hang in there and see the results of not eating that brownies.( a slimmer body).....You will never want one again. Hang in there girl ..fight the power of the brownies.
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