Last ten pounds, ARRGH

Just wanted to vent for a minute --

I know I should be happy where I am.  A year ago, I never dreamed I would be down to a size 6!  In fact, those who asked me were told I would be thrilled if I could get to a size 10.  Now that I'm in the healthy range, though, I've seemed to stall and even gain a few pounds!!  I know my eating habits are mostly to blame.  I snack a lot and not on the best things.  I have excuses, sure: I exercise a lot, therefore I need more calories/carbs.  I'm close to goal, so it's okay to eat more.  However, I fear I'm losing sight of the gift I've been given and that the RNY is just a TOOL.

Today, I'm rededicating myself to logging my food.  I may not publi**** here, but I will log it thoroughly and HONESTLY.  I'd really like to get 10 more pounds off, if I can.  If I put forth an honest effort and my body completely rebels, I will accept that I'm meant to live in the 140's, no matter how much I'd love to weigh 135 or 125 lbs.  I'm determined to be healthy, no matter what the number is.

I didn't expect that I would have cravings.  I didn't expect that I would want to graze.  I feel like I'm failing, that I should have prepared more for this stage of the game.  This is hard!!!!  I got used to it being easy... it makes me sad that the easy part seems to be behind me. :(

Keep your head up Wendy... you can do it. Just last week I was whining about having to stop smoking. Was smoking a pack a day now am smoking 8 to 9 cigaretts a day. And they are becoming nasty to me. Woooo Hoooo.  Obama says "Yes you can"!!! And I believe him. lol

You hit the nail on the head.  I feel the exact same way.  I find myself eating 6 small meals a day.  I think it keeps my sugars level.  I will eat fruit or nuts or a protein snack between regular meals.  I too worry about the grazing.  (I just call it snacks,lol)  My Nut told me I should cut them out and just stick to the 3 x day.  I can't get in enough protein that way though.  My pouch still doesn't hold enough to do that and I don't think I want it to.  I'm still reeling over that one girl saying she can eat a whole 6 inch subway sandwich, lol.  It would take me 4 meals to get one down.  Not that I would want to.  All that bread seems silly to me.  I just try not to eat any unhealthy foods.  I'm staying away from anything sweet.  I'm afraid if I try it and get away with it I will just have another thing to battle and I don't trust myself.  Susan is right, we fought too hard to get where we are.  I still have about 30 lbs to go and I haven't lost a pound in going on almost 2 months now.   We'll get there.

Sigh.

First of all, let me say  you look wonderful. You're success is inspiring!  You've done it all right, followed all the rules and now you're having all these emotions, and rightly so! There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, I think there are many, many of us who are, or have been in the exact same boat.

This is an absolutely crazy ride. People say that we take the "easy" way out and we're offended by it, when all the while we're thinking to ourselves "yeah, this IS really easy".  It's a  gift, but the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow turns out to be a little tarnished. We do get cravings, the old habits start to resurface and it's terrifying. Let that fear be your new catalyst for this stage of the ride. You can't let it rule your life, but let it another tool in your arsenal.

Now you know why Wendy 1 and I journal every day,  and why I weigh every day. Sure there are days where I might go to bed at 9:00 just because I already ate my 1400 cals and want to go rummage through the kitchen. There are also days where I enjoy a piece of cake at a birthday party, or maybe an extra latte or one made with....oh God...2% milk! But, I don't let it get me down, or at least not for too long because I know in my heart that tomorrow will bring another set of triumphs, and control over my life that I've never had before.

I'm sure you're going to get that last 10lbs off because you are one determined lady. Journaling and being totally honest with yourself will help you get there.  You might consider talking to Kelly Turpin in Conway about a MedGem test to help you get a handle on what your body needs as far as calories/carbs/fat now that you'll be maintaining. If you want her number, just let me know.

I hope my ramblings have helped. Believe me, I know just how you feel and I'm here for ya!

Hugs and smoochies