Could really use some prayer...
Hello again...
Thank you for the encouragement about my health. I haven't done that great since my surgery but have lost about 17 pounds since he died on May 2. I wasn't going to say anything about the cir****tances but I really feel I can trust you from your sweet responses. I probably already told you how talented and intelligent he was. He played guitar and wrote the most beautiful songs....he was an artist and painted beautiful watercolor paintings....he was an amateur astronomer and would spend hours cataloging things he saw in space....but he was also bipolar. He started on medication in Nov. after he had gotten very depressed and considered suicide. He didn't feel the medicine was working and after a few months, I made an appointment with a different doctor. During all of this he treated me like a queen. He and I had so much fun at home but he would get very anxious around other people. He dreaded his job...going places...family get togethers...etc...I made the remark jokingly a few days before he died that "somedays I would like to kick you to the curb but other days I love you to death"...and his reply was "I love you like that every minute of every day".....
I spent the night with my daughter on May 1 because he had wanted me to get a pedicure for part of my birthday gift and I had some returns to make in Hot Spring.....I called him on May 2 and could tell he was a little down but he insisted he was ok. I called later and told him I would be home a little late....we talked and joked a little... and he told me to take my time and have fun. When I got home, his light was on but I didn't see him. There was a note on the bathroom door that said for me NOT to open the door and to call 911. Then he signed it "I love you, Billy." That was the worse day of my life. I totally lost it but managed to call 911. They made me go to my neighbors house for what seemed like days. He had shot himself. I feel somewhat vulnerable sharing this information....Bipolar is a terrible disease and I learned later that between 25 and 50% of people with it commit suicide.
Again thank you for your prayers and thoughts....and for letting me open up to share this...I guess I am afraid people will think badly of him but he was in so much pain that he didn't see that it could get any better....I would give anything if I had gotten him to go get medication earlier in our marriage. We had been married 10 years in March....together for 12....He was the most incredible person I've ever met....
Thank you again....
Love,
Jeannie
Thank you for the encouragement about my health. I haven't done that great since my surgery but have lost about 17 pounds since he died on May 2. I wasn't going to say anything about the cir****tances but I really feel I can trust you from your sweet responses. I probably already told you how talented and intelligent he was. He played guitar and wrote the most beautiful songs....he was an artist and painted beautiful watercolor paintings....he was an amateur astronomer and would spend hours cataloging things he saw in space....but he was also bipolar. He started on medication in Nov. after he had gotten very depressed and considered suicide. He didn't feel the medicine was working and after a few months, I made an appointment with a different doctor. During all of this he treated me like a queen. He and I had so much fun at home but he would get very anxious around other people. He dreaded his job...going places...family get togethers...etc...I made the remark jokingly a few days before he died that "somedays I would like to kick you to the curb but other days I love you to death"...and his reply was "I love you like that every minute of every day".....
I spent the night with my daughter on May 1 because he had wanted me to get a pedicure for part of my birthday gift and I had some returns to make in Hot Spring.....I called him on May 2 and could tell he was a little down but he insisted he was ok. I called later and told him I would be home a little late....we talked and joked a little... and he told me to take my time and have fun. When I got home, his light was on but I didn't see him. There was a note on the bathroom door that said for me NOT to open the door and to call 911. Then he signed it "I love you, Billy." That was the worse day of my life. I totally lost it but managed to call 911. They made me go to my neighbors house for what seemed like days. He had shot himself. I feel somewhat vulnerable sharing this information....Bipolar is a terrible disease and I learned later that between 25 and 50% of people with it commit suicide.
Again thank you for your prayers and thoughts....and for letting me open up to share this...I guess I am afraid people will think badly of him but he was in so much pain that he didn't see that it could get any better....I would give anything if I had gotten him to go get medication earlier in our marriage. We had been married 10 years in March....together for 12....He was the most incredible person I've ever met....
Thank you again....
Love,
Jeannie
Again Jeannie, I am so sorry. He sounds like he was a wonderful person, friend, and husband. I know you miss him terrible. But I have found out that talking about these things help with the healing process. It's not good to keep it inside. I am so glad you decided to share this very personal part of your life. I know it must not have been an easy decision to share that information with us. But we all care about you here and none of us are here to judge you or him.
My daughter's first husband was bipolar. He refused medication. He was one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He was just a good old country boy. Do anything for you, even give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. But when he was in those states of mind like they get in, he was scary and very violent. My daughter tried and tried to get him on medication, but to no avail. She couldn't take being afraid of him anymore and decided to leave him. I hated it, but I was scared for her safety at the same time. He was like a completely different person. I guess the bipolar thing affects people differently. Anyway, I give you much love and lots of prayers to help you through this process.
My daughter's first husband was bipolar. He refused medication. He was one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He was just a good old country boy. Do anything for you, even give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. But when he was in those states of mind like they get in, he was scary and very violent. My daughter tried and tried to get him on medication, but to no avail. She couldn't take being afraid of him anymore and decided to leave him. I hated it, but I was scared for her safety at the same time. He was like a completely different person. I guess the bipolar thing affects people differently. Anyway, I give you much love and lots of prayers to help you through this process.
Ann
Oh, Jeannie. I am sorry.
My mother-in-law is bipolar and we've had some interesting times over the years... she was diagnosed in the 90's and every now and then things will go off kilter and she'll need to be hospitalized. She's diabetic, and that sometimes makes it worse. It is an awful disease.
My family has a very prevalent history of depression (at least four generations straight so far - grandma, mom, me & brother, now my daughter) and I know intimately how deep and awful that black hole can be. I hate that it stole your husband from you. :(
My mother-in-law is bipolar and we've had some interesting times over the years... she was diagnosed in the 90's and every now and then things will go off kilter and she'll need to be hospitalized. She's diabetic, and that sometimes makes it worse. It is an awful disease.
My family has a very prevalent history of depression (at least four generations straight so far - grandma, mom, me & brother, now my daughter) and I know intimately how deep and awful that black hole can be. I hate that it stole your husband from you. :(
shame on anyone who passes judgement on him and the decision he made!!!!!
No one knows the private hell he went through!!!
You are a brave courageous person to have told "strangers" the details. We are here for you during this time of need. Remember there are private messages as well as public posts.
To anyone who chooses to pass judgement...please keep it to yourself.!!!!
please post as often as you can so we know how you are doing
love Tammy
No one knows the private hell he went through!!!
You are a brave courageous person to have told "strangers" the details. We are here for you during this time of need. Remember there are private messages as well as public posts.
To anyone who chooses to pass judgement...please keep it to yourself.!!!!
please post as often as you can so we know how you are doing
love Tammy
Oh Jeannie, I am so sorry....I hold myself lucky to have been one of those that actually got to become friends with you. We talked about our husbands several times and I know how you felt about him. I will phone you soon. I am in Northwest Arkansas working this week but you will be hearing from me.
Much Love,
Regina
Much Love,
Regina
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