*Sigh* Had "the talk" with my boss. . . . and other items.

So, I'm talking to my boss today, and we're looking at the vacation calendar and I mention that in addition to my 2 scheduled weeks off, I may need to take another week for personal reasons.  I give in and tell her my plans.  We agree to a mix of sick time and vacation time to get around all of the special rules and I can have my time off, no problem.

DH is having RNY 2 weeks from today, and I told her a while back that i wanted specific days off that week so I could be with him, etc.  She is concerned, asks if it's serious, and I tell her in confidence what is going on.  She said fine, I got my days off.  

Anyway - today she has to ask me if I'm sure I want to do this and do I understand it's a life long committment blah blah blah.  Have I tried to lose weight "the hard way."

You gotta be kiddin me!  Then she asks me if hubby has to do liquid diet 2 weeks before surgery.  I tell her yes.  She says, "well maybe he'll lose enough weight on the slim fast that he'll cancel surgery.  Maybe he'll get motivated."

Um yeah. 

So I screwed up.  Should have gone on with my original plan and kept my darn mouth shut.  Too late now.    I ask her to keep my secret and she agrees not to tell anyone.  We'll see.

Yesterday, a I worked with someone I haven't worked with in a long time and she asked me how far along I was and did I know if my baby was a boy or a girl.  HELLO!!  I'M NOT PREGNANT.  Not to mention she asked me this in front of people that I work with every day.  Last time I worked with her, about a year ago, she asked me the same thing. 

UGH. 

Just had to gripe.  Thanks for listening!  :-/

I don't think you messed up in telling her at all.  She is giving you practice in dealing with ignorance about WLS and obesity in general. 

Sadly, she probably won't be the only one to make comments like that.  I was lucky and didn't deal with a lot of that.  But almost everyone has at least one ignorant person make some stupid comment like that. 

I really think the best response in those situations is to respond with actual facts. 

Example:
She says, "well maybe he'll lose enough weight on the slim fast that he'll cancel surgery.  Maybe he'll get motivated."
I'd say, "A lot of people who are uneducated about obesity really think that's all there is to it.  That obese people just aren't motivated enough or that weight loss surgery is the 'easy way out'.  But when people actually do the research and educate themselves about obesity, they learn that only 2% of diet and exercise programs succeed long-term.  I don't know about you, but I don't think the other 98% of us should be condemned to an unhealthy, significantly shorter life due to obesity when there is a viable surgery to treat the disease." 

Some comment like that generally works when someone makes a comment about the "easy way out", etc, etc, etc. 

Asked if I was sure I wanted to do this, I usually said something like, "I've done all the research and I'm positive I want to do this.  I'm totally commited to this process and I'm super-excited." 

That usually shuts those sort of comments down because they know by your tone that you aren't going in blind and that they are NOT going to sway you (and since you're "super-excited", they typically don't try because then they KNOW they'll be raining on your parade - there is no plausible deniability if that makes sense). 

Anyway... enough of my rambling.  You probably didn't even want a response - LOL!  But I had a minute!

Good luck with your dumb boss.

Wen

LOL - Responses are ALWAYS welcome.  I value others' insight, especially those that have been where i am or are here with me currently, if that makes sense. 

I did tell her that we have been researching our options for years, weighing pros and cons, risks and benefits.  I just felt silly defending myself and my decision.  I knew that I would run across people like this.  Expected it fully from my coworkers, got blindsided by my boss.  I chalk it up as a valuable lessoned learned.

I have no intention of telling my coworkers (except for one close friend, who is even considering the same options****il I have to, if that day even ever comes.  Hopefully they'll be talking about me behind my back soon about how much weight I'm losing and wonder why (personally I'm hoping for a good meth rumor, haha j/k).  But I figure if they're talking about me then they're giving someone else a break!  More power to 'em!  :-)  Not to sound like I don't get along with any of the folks I work with - I have many friends at work, but there are a few that are soooo negative about everything.  I'd rather just keep my business exactly that - my business.

Did I mention we're nurses?  Not bariatric nurses, mind you - but all of us know just enough to be dangerous and have an opinion regarding this procedure.

Sorry - I tend to write novels when posting.  It's a character flaw.

Don't you love stupid people? Legally she cannot tell the office that you are taking time off to have weightloss surgery. I told my boss in confidence and she did really well....until I was almost a year out. She hangs out with the office "mouths" and one day when they went to lunch, someone commented on how much weight I had lost. She slipped up. Apparently she thought everyone knew.

I was PISSED to say the least and talked to my current boss about taking it to HR. She didn't mean any harm and I really, really like her, but I thought she might need to know that it was a serious offense to me. I decided not to do anything about it because I didn't want there to be any retaliation (since all the bosses are chummy), but I imagine my boss let it be known that I was pretty peeved and something *was* going to be done. My current boss (a man who cannot even begin to understand why it's a big deal to me) even asked what it was that I wanted to happen. I told him that all I really wanted to happen was for time to go backwards and she not say that. I didn't want her to be in trouble, but at the same time I didn't want the entire office asking ignorant WLS questions.

As for the pregnant comment...she's ignorant. Honestly...if she had made the mistake before, she is ignorant and insensitive to ask again knowing she very well could be wrong and offensive. I NEVER ask anyone if they are pregnant unless it is an obvious basketball in the tummy kind of thing and usually not even then.

Love stupid people?  I ENVY them.  Think about how much easier life would be if we were stupid.  Especially where I work. . . . the stupid ones do less work because the higher ups know if they want it done right ask someone to do it that has a brain.  hehe

How have things been around your office since your secret came out?  I have been off of work since I talked with my boss but am going back in tomorrow so I'm anxious to see if it's still a secret.  She really is usually OK but she is definitely a busybody and has a BIG mouth, which is fine by me until it's MY business she's gossiping about, lol.

I think just about all the women that were sitting there when she told them wanted to know my secret because they need to lose weight. Surprisingly, none of them are any more jealous than they were previously. They don't give me the one eyebrow anymore like I'm doing something illegal to lose it and keep it off...lol. I'm not saying that I am something to be jealous of, but I know what's it's like to be the fat person that never loses any weight or loses only to regain twice as much.

There was one woman in particular who went on and on about how I lost my weight the "right way" (diet and exercise) and she knows someone that had WLS blah blah blah. My face was beet red by the time I left the breakroom. It was apparent the gossip hadn't made it to her, but that lady is a GOSSIPER!!!!! I know word got to her eventually and I hope she felt like the biggest asshole alive. I still hold it against her to be honest. She offended me in every way possible when it comes to WLS. Ugh. Anyways, she avoids me now. She only says hello and keeps walking when I see her =)

ummmm me being the smart a&& that I am.....to those who asked how far along you are.....I would have looked at them said.......well......I am not pregnant.....my beano has not kicked in...better watch out!

some people make those are "you sure" remarks and the ever popular :have you tried diet and exercise" remarks because they are jealous, dont understand, dont care, are evrey opinionated, like to talk to make sure they are still breathing....ummmm I could go on........if diet and exercise worked for everyone none of us would be obese.....

hmmm just brush them off.......your doing this for you,,,,,not the boss.

good luck
Tammy.......the smart a&&