Too Funny!
This was on the msn gastric by-pass board:
You Know You've HadGastric Bypass Surgery When...*I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says
"one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel
and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision
was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names
behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department
because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person
on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat
and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag
at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are
where they belong is to roll them up,
position them with your bra
and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school
and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space
instead of circling 20 minutes
for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door
and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year
and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend
who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a
Wonder Where They Went Bra * When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life
to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your stairmaster is no longer used
for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says
"I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that
your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear *
Someone phones and thinks your husband is
sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* You cannot blame the cat for shedding
* You cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your
total grocery purchase
* The kids wonder what happened to
the cake and cookie god..did he die???
Wearing modern day, up to date and in fashion cords today, sooooo glad I dont have to worry bout calling the fire department!!!!!
Everyone have a great day!!! Im off to work, happy happy joy joy!!!! 
Love ya'll,
Rhonda D.
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