I hate my mother!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is completely a ***** to me and this morning it was not just me but my son, WTF did he do?
I do not know what her problem is but Friday afternoon she picked my son up from school and brought him to the bank where I work so he could come in to sign some papers for me.  While he was in the bank she went through his school binder and was snooping.  WTF?  He is 13 and a good boy, this is something I won't do!  I have him bring the binder and we go through it together.  She called my house this morning at 8:30 to tell me this and start this ****  I don't know why she did this but it upset me and my son, and ruined our morning!  I wish I had a normal mother who just wanted to be a mother and a grandmother and not a dictator and controller.  So needless to say I have not eaten all day or taken supplements and just ate some pringles and thats it!  I think I may need to make some big decisions about my life soon that include a lot less of her.  I try to include her but she is just so overwhelming and controlling and it is just too upsetting.  Any thoughts from anyone who doesn't have a normal relationship with their mother.

AmyBeth

I'm so sorry about your trouble with your mother.  Sounds like you are a wonderful mom to your son.  I really don't have any advice, as my mother passed away in 1991.  I miss her everyday.  She had faults too that really effected me, as she was bulemic and anorexic, but her good side effected me too..and passed on to my kids in the form of a wonderful humor and super considerate and kindness.  I hope you can work this out...maybe some counseling for you..to see how to set up boundries with your mom. 
Good luck!
Kelley

I understand what your are saying AmyBeth, I have a mother who is controlling and a mother-in-law who tried, took moving across the county from my mother and visiting her maybe once a month to get her to realize if she wanted me in her life she had to let me live mine the way I seen fit. As for the mother-in-law lets just say I do not let my mother come in my house to try to slap me around I will not let my mother-in-law do it, and after a long discussion with hubby he told his mother deal with me being around a long time or he would leave and not communicate with her as well. So now we have a nice little understanding with family all around. And that is what it might take setting boundaries. And sticking to them. I am not sure what you have tried to do, but sounds like to me you need to sit down with son and mother and you both (son and you) make sure your mother knows some boundaries.

Terri

Amy,

I cannot give you mother advice because my mother died when I was a child; however, my older sister is my control freak.  I tried confronting her and really the only thing that works is for me to limit the time I spend with her.  I avoid all holidays because those always turn into a huge guilt trip where she begs and begs us to come over and then she runs around making us feel like it is this huge burden to feed us all.  Needless to say, I don't participate in feeding her pity feast, so I stay away.  I also use email with her because when she calls me, I feel like crap when the calls are over.  I know that sounds weird but I can be more assertive through email.  And finally, when she and I are together and she starts that trying to be the grand dictator, I don't reward her behavior by listening; I walk away.  Female relationships are more difficult, I think, than male relationships, and I'm sure it has to do with the depth of emotion that women hold.  I'm sure your mom feels the need to interfere in your life because she sees it more as helping.  I really have to bit my tongue with my own kids.  Just be sure that when you set the boundries, remember that sometimes words said in anger can never really be forgotten.  So, **** this is long, think first, write it down, do the pros and cons, and then confront her in a nice friendly neutral enviornment, like a restaraunt. 

AmyBeth, I'm sorry you're having to deal with mother issues, but I agree with Jeannie, relationships between women seem to be much harder than men.  As adult children we need to "make our own nests", which the moms are threatened by, but they must learn to let us fly.
I lost my Mom four years ago last week, miss her every day, and try to remember how hard she tried to stay out of our business and let us go it alone.

My MIL is a different story. She was NEVER a good mom to her children. The stories I could tell would make you cry. Now she has the beginning of Alzheimer's and because she's been so mean to the kids, they are having a difficult time finding it in themselves to help her.

You are in a hard situation. I so wish I had some golden words to make it better or to help you.  All I can say is to be strong, and know we're here for you!


Hugs

Thank you all.

You want to know what she did Friday and called to tell me about it yesterday morning.  I work in a bank brokerage and there are only 2 of us, when the other is gone we can't abandon post and the guy I work with took a day off.  Well mom picked Jake up at school, he started 7th grade last week, she brought him by the bank for me so I could see him and he came into my office to sign a couple of forms I needed him to sign.  Well, while he was in the bank, she went through his school binder and was looking at everything and of course judging and making notes so she could call and report them to me.  I don't work  that way, I am not  snooper mom and I allow my son space.  I have been on my own with him since he was 8 months old and that is not the kind  of relationship I want with him.  If I want to know about his binder I ask him and have him bring it to me and go through it TOGETHER!  Well she got him on his cell phone and started chewing him about how he was messing up already and was going to ruin his life and blah blah blah.  He had a math worksheet that was only halfway done and she noticed that the sheet was due on Friday.  Only half the page was filled  out.  What she did not know was that the assignment was due on Friday but the teacher told them to only do half the page of problems, it was not incomplete at all!  For this she was doing this to us on our nice quiet Sat morning and had us both in tears and completely upset.  She is a nut, who does this to their grandson?  Well we took naps after that and then we got up  got showers and went and walked the mall, got a pretzel together picked him to 2 tshirts at American Eagle and made the best of the night we could, together and WITHOUT her in it!  Today we have decided to go to church by ourselves and not sit with her.  I think she is involved  in too much of  our lives.  Other part to this story is that my father was killed 4 years ago in a horrible accident on  I40 in LR by a truck driver and that anniversary is fast approaching....................

AmyBeth

Privacy is such a big issue.  I have no idea what's in my husband's wallet, he doesn't know what's in my purse, and I never went into our son's room to snoop. We don't even open up each other's mail!  When I found out that my MIL was going through my nieces purses I about hit the ceiling!  She claimed it was to "straighten" them out, organize them, yeah right.....she's a nosey old bat that wanted to see what was in there!
It sounds to me like you're a responsible, respectful mom who's trying hard to teach those values to your son. Keep up the good work, darling.  I think your plan to distance yourself from your mom for a time is a good one. 

Sorry to hear about your dad. I'm sure it doesn't make it an easier time for any of you.

Exactly see you get  it, one it is a respect issue and another my son will learn not to do it to others and that I trust him also!

He is 13 and right now he just needs to know that he can come to me for anything and that I am not right over his shoulder all the time.

I talk to him all the time about people and things and how they work, I am trying to raise an independent thinker not someone who needs their hand held all the time.

AB

OMG          WE ARE SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mother is totally nuts and she live next door, I keep out contact at a minimum as she is a total back stabbing nosy big mouthed annoying trouble making woman. Yes she is my mom but mothers should not do the things my mother has done to be, so I can relate. I just try to keep it civil because one day she will be gone and she is my mom.

thats all I have to say
tammy who is AB's long lost sister by a different mister

So you, Tabs and I are related? Who knew?!?! My mother is bat **** crazy (as I like to put it). She gets so jealous of me that it's outrageous. I've lived with that since my early teens when she could no longer control me. I know that sounds bad, but honestly, I was probably the easiest child for her to raise and got into a lot less mischeif and trouble than any of my 4 older sisters. By meaning she couldn't control me, I mean I stood up for myself so she didn't hold me on the bed choking me, get in fist fights with me, drag me down the hall by my hair, etc(which she did to my other sisters). She hates that her ex-mother in law and my oldest sister take more of the "mother" role with me. She moved to Georgia and is now trying to sell her house so she and her new(5th) husband can move back to Tulsa. I dread it. It scares the living day lights out of me.

She acts like she is an adolescent around men. She flipped over the back of my sisters couch once when she brought her boyfriend over(like a 15 year old would do). Then, she was at my sister's a few weeks ago after my sister had her baby and stayed in my 15 y/o nieces room. The last night she was there, her husband(who has no children) came into town to see everyone. Needless to say, their behavior in my nieces bad was BEYOND inappropriate and they made it very well known  what was going on. I was going to call and confront my mother about it since my sister was mortified, but tries to keep the peace. My mother has only recently started talking to me again after "cutting me off"(darn the luck) because I confronted her about starting crap between us girls. 

Oh yea, last time we had it out I referred her to therapy. She agreed it would help her, but she honestly doesn't see where she's wrong on so many levels. She was a mother at like 16 or 17 and my oldest sister had my niece when she was 18, so my mom became a grandma when she was in her mid-30s. She hasn't acted like a grandmother since my niece was about 5. I would go as far to say that she doesn't even like some of her grandchildren and I can imagine she won't like my kids. Oh well, I don't sweat it. I don't intend to let her be around my children enough to make a difference. Christmas only comes once a year thank the lord!!!