my life in a blog

I maintained until the last 2 years. I am a stress eater and under alot of stress and gained 30 back. The thing is this......my surgeon and I never set a goal weight as I was almost to small to qualify for my surgery. So we just decided that losing between 80-100 would be ok. I am 5 ft tall and weighed 233 the day of surgery, I got to 133 within the first year and a half.  I stayed in the 140-145 area for ever and then in 2006 it started coming back on, in 2007 I had plastic surgery and the last ten of 30 popped on . 

The only thing I can say is that I really did not eat.....I was always forgetting to eat. I was walking alot too. Back then I really felt the feeling of being full on two bites of food. One of my problems was drinking coke.........I am trying to give it up now. My doc new I was extremely addicted and my 12-24 cans a day went to one......as of sunday Jan 27 I stopped drinking it. I have had a few sips this week. For me to give that up would mean me letting go of the bad things I have been through. 

My life changed when I was 15-16 and got pregnant by a man who said he was 18. He was 23 married and had 3 kids. I hid the pregnancy until I was 7 months and my mom put me in a maternity home and made me give up my son. I then got married at 18 to an abusive man and had my daughter....we divorced within 3 years. I remarried and had my son......that lasted 10 years and thats when my weight ballooned...................while I was pushing maximum density my loving husband was cheating on me with 2 women and got both of them pregnant. One miscarried and one placed the baby for adoption. I tried to make the marrige work, but after I had my surgery I told him to leave.

So at this point I was a new post op and trying to make it on my own with limited money trying to feed my two kids and getting used to being employed.......I never ate....I bought food for my kids and not me. I DO NOT RECCOMMEND THIS.............................

I got to 133 and was cute and tiny........then my depression started and my kids became teenagers and my money got tight and I started eating.........

I am trying to get on track. I started the 5 day pouch test and failed on day three the day I could eat. I got stressed. Then last night it was dinner out tonight is dinner out. I am starting back on it Saturday. I did lose 5.5 pounds in 3 days........

On a closing note, my adopted son is 21 and I dont know anything about him. I cry daily for him. Maybe someday.

Awe, I'm sorry.  <<<<< HUGS >>>>>  Sounds like you've really had it rough.

It looks like life tossed you around in the blender a few times.  You may be bloodied but your still around and still fighting, thats what counts.  You're strong, just pull yourself up and keep going.  Defiance is a wonderful thing. lol As for crying every day for your son . . . I see nothing strange about that.  Giving away a part of your heart is hard enough in the best of situations let alone when coerced into it. I hope you find him someday.  If nothing but to put your mind at rest. Alice