I was warned.......

but it still hurts really bad.  Today we had our big family Christmas dinner at my moms (all my sisters and their families, some extended family) and I was so hurt.  I have 4 sisters, one who is quiet about my weight loss, one who is just happy for me, one who supports me entirely, even came and spent the day with Mike the day of my surgery.  AND THEN, there is the sister who lives next door to me who is so stinking jealous of me that she chose to be really ugly to me today at the family gathering. Our whole family has always battled weight issues and this particular sister is 5'4" and weighs around 325.  I do not love her any less due to her weight issues, and so today when we were discussing sugar free pecan pie, and that it tasted different, I said, "Yeah, but if you cant have sugar at all, you dont mind a little different taste."  Innocent enough I thought, w/o flaunting my weight loss, and she got loud, stood up and said, "MAY I REMIND YOU THAT YOU CHOSE THIS WAY OF LIFE, SO DONT BE COMPLAINING TO US B/C YOU CANT HAVE SUGAR"  I was devastated!!!  My own family, that is something that I expect from strangers maybe, but from family!!!! I know we were warned abou this, and my sweet wonderful dear husband said, "You know I love you and I think you look wonderful, dont worry about her, shes just jealous."  And I know that is how I should feel, but its still hard to hear that from family. Sorry I have ranted so about it, but I knew you all would understand.  Other than that, I had a great time, even got a new bath robe in a size M that is a little big, I was really shocked.   I know that despite anyones jealousy, yes, I chose this way of life, and I can honestly say, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Thanks for listening, you guys are soooo wonderful.  Hugs to you all, you are my inspiration. Merry Christmas Love to all, Rhonda  P. S.  Mike says hello to all the beautiful shrinking ladies out there, he is proud of us all.

I am sorry that your sister is so sore about your weightloss surgery.  She really should be more supportive.  I don't think what you said sounded anything like flaunting or complaining to me.  Perhaps next family gathering you should make something sugar free, and not tell anyone its sugar free and I bet your sister wouldn't know the difference. 

Hi Darlin' I got your message last night after my shower, but it was too late to call you back. I will call you later, but have stuff to get done this morning. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's especially hard to take when it comes from family, but I'm sure you know deep down in your heart she is just jealous.  How has your relationship with her been before your surgery? I'm willing to bet you two have had other issues in the past (just a guess here) and she's using your success after your surgery to attack you for something that may have happened years ago. There always seems to be one "pot stirrer" in every family and unfortunately, she is going to be yours. As I see it, you can do one of two things. Confront her, tell her how her comment made you feel and ask her to be more supportive, which I'm willing to bet will be difficult, at best.  Or, try to avoid here when you can, especially in eating situations, until you've been maintaining for awhile and your stronger in your self confidence. Keep your chin up and let it go. Your happiness and success in this journey depends on how YOU take care of Rhonda, NOT what's going on in another person's head.  She can only  win if you allow it to happen. Love you, and I will try to call later! Hugs to Mr Mike too Susan

I don't think what you said sounded like complaining at all.   I think you were just commenting on what A LOT of people don't realize - that if they give up sugar all together, sugar free products don't really taste all that "different" after a while.   I do not know her at all, so I cannot say if she is this "toxic" about other things.  But some people are just toxic people whether they intend to be or not.  If she is one of those, just remember that when she is releasing her poison and close your ears to it.  Please don't let things like this hurt you.  Her lashing out was about HER - not about you.  Her negative attitude is about HER - not about you.  Don't ever let her (or anyone) make THEIR negativity your own. 

((((((( RHONDA ))))))) How awful!  I'm so sorry!

Good morning friends, Thanks for all of your messages of encouragement.  I have determined that yes, she is toxic, and her issues go deeper than jealousy over my weight loss, and I cant fix them for her, so I will just ignore her comments from now on.  Im sorry there are issues, but I'll no longer let her penetrate and hurt me anymore.  As long and I am happy with me and Mike is happy with me, Im not concerned w/other peoples opinions, even if it is family. I hope everyone is having a good week so far.  Im going back to the gym today, man I have been lazy about my working out.   Take care, and lets keep up the spirit of happieness.  From here on out, I have banned negative in my house, and if it comes in, I send it back out the door. Hugs to all our losers and future losers, Rhonda 122 pounds gone forever!!!!!

Rhonda - I'm feeling the same pains right now. Fortunately it's not my family, but my husband's family that have been really hurtful about things. Not the blatant in your face comments though - actually I would prefer that and can handle that a little better. Instead it's the snide remarks and hurtful comments that they can claim were just innocent statements if confronted. I'm doing my best to just get through the holidays because I'm really not around them very much except at holidays, but it's still hard. I have already told my husband that if his sister tells me that I make her sick one more time, I may have to punch her in the face. Ok, I really wouldn't punch her in the face but man sometimes I want to. Some people say it, and you know they are really teasing but then there are others that you know they really mean it. I know it doesn't make it any less painful but it's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone so I wanted to share with you that you aren't alone either. Chin up and we'll make it through! AT

I wanted to share something with you all about the "in-law" hating thing. My sister in-law has told me she didnt think I should get the surgery.. and I told her it was my choice and not hers. that was a few months ago. recently we had all gathered at the hosp. because thier brother was in a car accident, we were setting there and she asked "are you still having that surgery?" I said "Yes and I dont care to discuss it right now" then she said "I am scared for you, its not that I dont want you to be healthy, I am just scared because its a major surgery" I felt really bad because I thought all this time that she was just being ugly about it.. so maybe people react negativitly to wls because they are scared for us.  she also told me that night that she thought of me a her big sister more than she did her actual sister.. that made me feel better.. she was in her early teens when her brother and I married. just thought that i would share this.. sometimes we are defensive about our choice and dont see both sides