I am home.

Hello everyone.  I got home last night about 9:30 after being discharged around 8.  So I am home. I really appreciate all your well-wishes while I was away.  I loved Susan visiting even though I was so out of it I don't remember so much of that time. I don't know what to think right now.  I feel like I should be doing and feeling better than I am right now.  I don't know I am a wimp or if I just had a harder time of it than most.   I was SO DRUGGED the first day and a half or so (morphine) that I really don't remember much of what I said or did.  My oldest said he liked me better that way.  I asked why and he said because nothing I said made any sense.  Apparently I didn't even always speak with real words, just mumbled together syllables or various words together in unitelligible ramblings.   By the time Susan came, I think I was speaking fairly coherently when I was speaking.  I was just sleeping a lot and still really drugged.  I dont' really remember a lot of that day either. Wednesday and Thursday were better.   I made them cut the morphine off on Wednesday because I couldn't stay awake long enough to do anything and couldn't even think full of that stuff.  I had them turn it back on on Wednesday nite, then back off again on Thursday morning.  They took one tube out on Thursday around midday.  I still have the G-tube in and will have for 4 weeks.  (YUKE!) I had a small bowel movement on Thursday, but nothing like I was expecting.  Dr. Baker had said when I finally went that I would think I was going to "blow the toilet out of the floor" (his words, not mine).  Well, it was nothing like that, but apparently even a small bowel movement (with no passing gas) is enough because they finally let me go late Thursday nite. I still have a belly full of gas which is bothersome.  I had a supository (what fun) early Thursday afternoon, but that didn't relieve any of the gas.  Suppositories have never really worked for me.  I have no idea why.  So I have gone on my own already (yes, the thick head is functioning again) and bought mylicone (however you spell it) and I am taking that instead of more Ducolax suppositories.  They are helping deflate the gas, but I'm still not passing a lot.  I still can't walk totally upright or I feel that achy pulling along the incision line.  (This is probably normal though.)   I am SICK AND TIRED of being cooped up and not being able to do whatever I want.  That has just been a constant downpour on my spirit.  I just paused in the middle of this message to go to the bank and grocery store with my husband, although I stayed out in the truck in my nightgown in both places while he went in.  I did feel a little better after that.  It served as sufficient verification in my mind, I quess, that life is indeed still going on outside of this surgery and recooperation.  We also got the mail, so I have something to go through now today.   I can only blow between 1000 and 2000 (depending on when I blow through it) on that spirometer thing that they make you blow on.  I don't know whether that is too good or not, but I'm going to keep doing it. I am walking every day.  I am not doing it all in one whack and maybe I should be.  I don't know.  I walked twice today, both times for a little over 5 minutes a piece.  I plan on continuing to do that all day long.   I do not miss food and I am not hungry.  The one craving that I have had is a mystery to me - diet coke.  Why in the world would I want one of those now?  I don't know either, but I'm not having one.  I didn't go through all of this for nothing and I am not going to start any behavior that smacks of self-sabotage. They kept sending in respiratory docs to see me.  Apparently my sleep apnea was "under-treated" when it was diagnosed.  I really don't believe that is the case because I saw the sleep study results pre and post CPAP.  I just usually don't ever sleep on my back and I am having to now.  I think that is the only reason why my oxygen was dipping down there.  I think when I get back on my side again, things will be right as rain in that department.  In the meantime, they have put me on in-home oxygen.  That, of course, has been like getting on CPAP all over again.  I was burdened with about 5 different nightmares last night, which is typical of going on CPAP - so I guess typical of going on oxygen also.  I hope that that gets better soon.  I don't sleep well on my back anyway, much less having nightmares that wake me up 4 and 5 times a night. I have definately hurt worse than I am now.  I've even had cramps that hurt worse than this.  I don't know why this seems so much more difficult.  I seem be the equivalent of an emotional cripple.  I think it the combination of being sore and achy in my stomach and all the little inconveniences mentioned above that have made me this way.   My boss called me yesterday in the hospital and wants my family medical leave act papers which I just got today because they were on my fax machine at home.  It irritates me that she wants them when I am not even requesting family medical leave.  I have enough paid leave to do this without family medical leave.  It is probably some weird government rule that they have to have them regardless.  Who knows.  All of this, combined with the worry that I am not progessing as fast as I should, has been down.  I'll be better soon, I'm sure.   Thanks for listening. 

Not progressing as fast as you should?  Sweetie, you just had major surgery...give yourself a break.  No one is expecting you to be able to run a marathon as soon as you get home.  You need time to heal, now is not the time to be pushing yourself. If you're walking 5 minutes at a time today (which is great), maybe tomorrow or the next day go for 7 minutes, then 10 and so on.  You should progress at your own speed, not everyone else's.  So, take a deep breath...it will be ok.  By the way, I slept the whole first day after surgery too...didn't come out of anesthesia very well...in fact, it took me about a week to shake it off completely and my head to clear. Right now, you're in the yucky stage.  Give it a week or two and you'll feel like a new woman.  Hang in there, I promise it will get better.  And welcome to the loser's bench!

Welcome back Wendy!   Hang in there girl, you're doing great!

Hi Wendy, they had the resp. people visiting me for my CPAP everyday.  My first night they ordered some little mini sleep study with the pulse ox on my finger all night.  And when I left the hospital they ordered my CPAP nurse bring a pulse ox to my house to wear overnight.  I think that it is a waste of time, as my CPAP and oxygen settings are just fine.  I have had no troubles in the 2 years I have had a CPAP nor the 4 years of oxygen.  Anyhow, I loved the morphine, I couldn't get up and walk the hallways without it.  I walked many times everyday and usually 4 or 5 trips each time.  That soda machine full of cold bottled water liked to tease me everytime I saw it.    Walking seemed to be the only thing that relieved any gas pain or the feeling of being confined.  A few of the family members from other patients called me Speedy, LOL What room were you in?  I started in 601 and then my second day was moved to a private room, 619 because of my awful room mate who tried to kill me. Since our surgeries are close together we can help each other out along the way as we lose weight. 

Hey Wendy, so glad to see you're home safe and sound. It was nice visiting with you and your DH, he seems like a very nice man who cares deeply for you! Don't push yourself, just take it easy and heal.....that and sip your water. Take care