hi

just wanted to check in on everyone. I am back at work after taking a week off. It was long and boring. I did not do anything. Except run my daughter everywhere. She needed clothes for her Sr pics. Still no relief in the heartache of losing Louie. I have to compare this to the same way I felt when my Mom and her husband forced my to give up my baby for adoption when I was 16. My heart is completely empty now. I am still at 160'ish. I guess I am destined to be this big. Too me it is big. Considering I wear a size 12-14 Gap Jean and back in 2003 I was a size 6. Trying to get back to new pouch basics but I just dont have the will power. Too much stress. Failure. Thats me.

So how are things in ya'lls part of Arkansas?  Everyone drinking and eating as they should? Taking all supplements? Getting in some form of exercise or activity? ok, well have a good day tammy

Darling, I feel so badly that you're still hurting so much. Is there anything we can do to make you feel better? I guess only time will heal these sorts of wounds, and some of them never heal. Do I have to get in my car and come to beautiful downtown Marion ( population 4) and give you a big ol' hug? If it will help, I will!!!  Maybe we just need to get a bunch of us together and come over for a REALLY big group hug? You mean a lot to us, please get better.

susan, i cant describe it any other way. cant sleep cant eat (forcing it down tho) sitting outside at 2 am by his grave just about every night. i just want to curl up beside him.  i feel so guilty, i let him down and i feel like i killed him. i took the womans word that he had his shots when I bought him and was scheduling an appointment while I was on vacation to get him into the vet. i didnt get to do it he died before. i killed my baby.  i have thrown up until I am at the point of dry heaves. even water tries to come up. the first few nights I stayed doped up on the flexeril and vicodin.  I am trying to get on with my daily stuff but find myself looking at pictures or at his grave. I am truly lost. I have other dogs and a whole community of cats, but they are not Louie. Hard to believe I only had him a few months and he stole my heart (what was left of it).  I saw Keith Urban, that was 2 nights before Louie died, so the concert is a blur. I saw Louie on Saturday and he died that night at the hospital. I regret not holding him and I hate myself for it. I want to hold him. He left me with 4 left foot flip flops.....he liked the right ones and only at them. I threw them all out . I kept his blanket and actually woke up one night wrapped up in it. I dont know how.  I have his collar and toys. I buried him with his tennis ball and chewy bone and wrapped him in fleece in a nice wood box Rene made. Today the vet hugged me as I paid the remaining balance on the bill. (I put 355.00 on my plastic surgery credit card.)  I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I dont know. I have a cat who is 15 years old....and my miniture Greyhound who is 7. Louie was only 4 months...why am I reacting this way? I have had these other animals longer....I mean my cat has seen a husband come and go...he knew me when I was skinny fat and smaller......this cat has lived in texas, illinois and massachusetts and now arkansas......I have had the cat longer than I have had my son. I dont know. I dont get it. Why did I have him to love for only 3 of his 4 months and then get him ripped from my arms? Why did our creator do this to me? It is not fair, it is cruel. I am sorry but it makes a person question what kind of a God would do that. I just wanted to love him and make him happy. I guess I am going crazy. I am sorry for rambling on. You all must think I am selfish and immature and totally insane. I just dont know how I got to love him so much. I guess I will let you go. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day thank you for checking on me and for the compassion you have shown it means alot. tammy