negative feedback from family and friends

Did you get any negative feedback when you told family members or friends you were going to have WLS? My DH, DD, and mom are very happy for me. But on the other hand I have some friends and a few family members who say to me "I cant believe you want to do that to your body".  I am so scared to tell my grandmother. I mentioned something about it many years ago and she told me horror stories of things she had heard about people having it done and she never wants me to do that. She does not understand that WLS has come so far. What did you say to people that gave you negative feedback when you told them? You would think they could it is a positive thing. Oh..and I get a lot of just loose the weight by diet and exercise.

Ask yourself........ who this procedure is for? You and your health , or them and their opinions?

Yes there have been horror stories from these types of procedures, but what are the statistics on women who die giving birth??? Or how about the daily commute to work? Did anyone talk you out of that if you have children? Do people talk you out of driving to work or the store? Everything has a risk. If diet and exercise worked then we would all be skinny and fit and live forever. I told my mom it was my decision she could support it or shut up. She tried to get my sisters to talk me out of it. She was not as bad when I got my implants and lift. Guess she knew I would do it anyway. This procedure is not a cure. It is a tool, and it will require you to think and be accountable for everything you consume. You will be re-born....your life will start over in some aspects. You will have to control your brain and you will follow rules. It is not easy by no means. We forget to eat or dont drink enough water, we are always watching portions, we give up things we love or things that comfort us. But we are strong and can do it. Just because you are going to be eating  different does not mean that they have to. We live in a society where people are not happy unless they put in their two cents, or when some one takes steps to improve their life some one has to be negative. Just remember there is support here. And they are worried for your safety. But would they like to bury you soon if you dont take the steps to improve your life?? Not everyone will agree with your decision. You can either tell them politely that you have researched the procedure, you are aware of the risks, but you are also aware of what you face being obese and possibly getting bigger. Or you can rudely tell them you have made up your mind and appreciate their concern but this is your decision and life end of story. Ok I have said my 2 cents. Sorry if I was harsh or rude. By the way, I am Tammy and I am almost 6 years post op RNY, starting weight 233 and 5 ft tall, lowest weight 133, current weight 158. I have had no problems except some re-gain. My own fault for not following the rules and I am a stress eater. Just had implants and a lift in March 2007.  Have a good evening, Tammy

I have alot of people ask me, "Aren't you going to miss eating?"  or things along that line but I haven't had anyone be just outright ugly to me about the decision.  Most everyone has been interested and supportive - even if curious about the surgery.  I've spent alot of time explaining how it all works and my current limitations - but again no negative issues. Tammy is right though - many people just want to be able to put in their opinions, whether you want it or not.  Some people want to tell horror stories because that is what they know about WLS - you have the opportunity to complete the story for them.  Pregnant women get the same thing - it seems like everyone wants to tell a pregnant woman a story about how somebody's birth went wrong - or the child was deformed, etc.  It's weird but you just learn how to ignore that kind of stuff.   I knew the risks going into the surgery - there's nothing that someone can tell me that I didn't hear before I had the surgery.  Will I be problem free?  I hope and pray that is the case but my chances of a healthy life are better with the surgery than without so that was what I chose.  You are the one that must do the work required after the surgery - if you are comfortable with the decision then don't let any of the negativity stick to you.

Thanks for the advice tammy and angie. I guess I am just kind or stunned that some people want to jude me for being fat  and unhealthy or trying to do something about. You just cant win with some people. I know I'm doing whats best for me. And this is what I need to do at this time in my life.

Just remember it is your life, your health and your decision. Thats between you and your husband first and foremost. Appreciate their concern but draw the line at them making your decisions. Good luck and we are here for you Tammy

Hi, I didnt tell anyone except my husband and parents before I had the surgery.  I didnt want people trying to talk me out of it. Now people ask me how I have lost my weight and I tell them I had GB. Then they ask more questions. My sister did say what are you going to do when the weight starts coming back and I told her it wont, but if it does I will have the surgery again. This was something I did a lot of research on. I knew EXACTLY what I was getting myself into. I would do it all over again if I had to. Good luck Tammy!!

Well, my story is alot like yours. I told very few people before surgery. My husband was so excited for me he told everyone!! He had GB 21 years ago and had already enjoyed the rewards of surgery. Anyway, I had to tell my brother and sister before surgery (just in case something happened to me). My sister was very concerned and supportive but also apprehensive. She said no matter what I did she would support me. I dreaded on telling my older brother till the night before surgery. He was Exstatic! His next door neighbor had GB 5 years ago and said go for it, ya won't be sorry! My problem is I carry my weight very well and no one knew I weighed so much. My friends and the rest of my family did not like the idea at all. I herd every horror story ever told.  I finally have learned to explain that I did it for my own health. I would rather be dead than to be a diabetic and suffer from heart disease, caroid atreries, arthritus, and everything else that runs rampid in my family. I want to live long enough to see my grandchildren and actually play with them. For me, it is all about the QUALITY OF LIFE not the QUANTITY OF LIFE.  I have also told them the surgery alone is not the answer, it is a tool. I am finally doing something for ME and I AM WORTH IT. I need their support but if they choose not to be supportive.............I let them know I CAN BE SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT THEM and then I always mention I love them and would and have supported them in everything they have ever done. Hope this helps and "DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE STEAL YOUR DREAM" Huggs, Rhonda

Hi Tammy, I'm a hairdresser and work in a very busy salon full of gossipers. I told everyone at first, then after getting into arguments with a few of them, I decided to limit who I told. After my surgery I was still  careful about what I told people. Some I was open and honest with, and would take time to educated them the best I could. Some others were just plain stupid and wouldn't have understood why I did it or anything about the surgery itself. To those people, if they asked me how I was losing so much weight, I'd just say "magic". That was all...shut them right up. Now I'm moving to a new salon where no one but a few of my clients know what I looked like a year ago. I'm on the fence about whether or not I'll say anything. I probably will, people need to be educated about this surgery and how it can change someone's life. Obviously you're smart enough to do your research to have this surgery. If you tell the other members of your family in a informed and confident way, I bet they'll understand. If they don't, you have the support of your immediate family and of course, all of us here, so you can get through this. Take care,

At first, I believed that my husband and I would end up getting a divorce over my decision to have WLS.  We had a couple of bad fights over it.  I still don't believe it is worry for me or anything like that.  I just think he believes I'm weak for not losing it "the right way".  After our last argument, I told him if he couldn't say anything nice about it, don't say anything at all.  He said he couldn't say anything nice.  I said fine - shut the hell up.   I am doing it, no matter what you say.  I am doing this for ME, for YOU and for our CHILDREN.  I want to BE HERE when our son gets married.  I want to BE HERE when our daughter has her babies.  It is MY BODY and only I DECIDE. We haven't argued about it since then and he has finally agreed that, even though we disagree, this is just something we will have to disagree over.  I will admit part of me worries that he will always think of me as weak for going through with it.  But you know what.... I don't care.  I want to LIVE.  If that means he may leave me, then he may leave me.  It will be better than me leaving everyone because I died from some co-morbidity. I want to be HEALTHY.  I want to be able to LIVE and BREATHE and RUN and PLAY.  I want all of that FOR ME as much, if not more than I want it for anyone else. I recommend the following: 1.  Research, research, research.  You have a sound mind and can make your own decision.   2.  Don't tell anyone you think may be negative.  (The mind is a powerful thing.  You don't need negative thoughts running through your head when you are beginning your new path.) 3.  If you tell someone and they are negative, don't be afraid to say that you really weren't looking for approval, you were just informing them of what you were doing, etc. 4.  If someone begins to tell you horror stories, listen or not depending on your preference, then reiterate that you have a sound mind, have done your research & understand the risk.   I am very much about being direct, but I will admit to be a sarcastic smart mouth.  Even well-meaning, supportive friends have said things to me like "aren't you worried? that's a big decision."  My answer is usually something like "Yes I'm worried, but not as worried as I am about dying from being this obese or from something being this obese has caused.  & yes it is a big decision, that is why I have researched the devil out of it before making this decision.  I am totally commited at this point and really excited."  This usually results in some version of "congratulations".   Sorry for the long post.  I ramble.

Hi Wendy You've made some great points here and you sound like you've really done your research too. Looks like you're a new member, so welcome to our board. I'm 9 months out and 3 lbs from goal. Other than an orthopedic problem that could never be linked to my WLS, this has been the easiest thing I've ever done to lose weight. BUT...and it's a big BUT, I think once your husband sees how you have to measure everything you put into your mouth, how you'll struggle to get in all your protein and liquids, he'll see that it isn't the easy fix he thinks it is. When people offer you sweets or you go to a family function full of high fat foods, you won't have to worry about being tempted....you can't eat these things. The pressure to have will power has been removed (or at least for me) because if I don't follow the rules I know what will happen. My husband is always telling me that he's so proud of the  strength  I've  had to do this.  I tell him, all I've done is follow the rules.   Let him think  it's been hard.... So, IMHO, I think it's a double edged sword. Yes, it's major surgery that alters your innards, but it's a way to finally have control in a way you could never have it before.  Good luck to you on both the WLS front and with the DH. Take care