I would like to share something my youngest said
Well, I was going to attempt to pull a "Star Jones" and not tell anybody except for my son and my husband that I was having surgery. My son said, "Mama! You have to tell!" So, I have told my family. My youngest daughter is 12 years old. She is very upset and does not want me to have surgery. Saturday she said, "Now Mama, you know that when you have this surgery and lose weight, you cannot be proud of yourself because you didn't do this on your own." I said, "Oh yes ma'am, I am already proud of myself for finally taking this step." She just does not understand and is so dead-set against the surgery. It really hurt my feelings when she said what she did.
I even told my ex-husband about the planned surgery and told him...if you have any smart remarks or comments, tell me to my face and not behind my back. He said whatever you want to do is fine with me. He is very prejudiced against overweight people. He made me feel awful about myself and every pound I gained (even after I remarried) he would point it out. Like I didn't know!
Thanks for letting me vent today!
Kim
I even told my ex-husband about the planned surgery and told him...if you have any smart remarks or comments, tell me to my face and not behind my back. He said whatever you want to do is fine with me. He is very prejudiced against overweight people. He made me feel awful about myself and every pound I gained (even after I remarried) he would point it out. Like I didn't know!
Thanks for letting me vent today!
Kim
Hi Kim, Kids can be so hard and so judgmental because they are young. they have a lot to learn and sometimes you just have to take what they say with a grain of salt. Jayden (whos 6) has opened my eyes yet made me feel like complete **** on numerous occasions. Just the other day when i was getting dressed he walked in and called me fat. He said, mom you have all this fat (while proceeding to lift up my hanging skin) then he said and you have no muscles in your arms bc you have this (and he grabs my arm skin) well, while this is a motivation for me to get back with the program and do what im suppose to do, it REALLY hurt my feelings. I cried even when i was in the room by myself. I explained to him how it was very ugly to call people fat and so on but still, hes young.
On another note, i get REALLY mad when people make statements about WLS being the easy way out or that we didnt do it on our on. Its a very long hard journey or atleast it has been for me. I know some people that have the surgery and lose all the weight and they are fine forever but that was not the case for me and numerous other WLS patients. Try to let it roll off your back because it is VERY hard work!!
On another note, i get REALLY mad when people make statements about WLS being the easy way out or that we didnt do it on our on. Its a very long hard journey or atleast it has been for me. I know some people that have the surgery and lose all the weight and they are fine forever but that was not the case for me and numerous other WLS patients. Try to let it roll off your back because it is VERY hard work!!
(deactivated member)
on 11/1/10 11:51 am
on 11/1/10 11:51 am
Kim,
The only words of advice I can offer about is this - ask your daughter why she is against surgery. You've done the research, made the decision but the first thing that may come to her mind is this - my mom is having surgery and I'm scared... I don't want to lose my mom so I'm going to open my mouth and try to make her feel bad - then maybe she won't have the surgery.
When I had my band surgery done two years ago I talked to my three (their ages were 9, 7 and 4). I told them that I was having the surgery to be healthier and that how and what I ate would change. I later told them what the surgery was like and they've been great. Even now when I'm looking for a revision they are okay with it.
If she has a question be honest and gently answer. While she may be 12 and think she's knows everything it most likely scares her. Think about the first things that pop up when you google by-pass surgery - it's not the bright and pretty stories that you read first.
Good luck!
Noel
The only words of advice I can offer about is this - ask your daughter why she is against surgery. You've done the research, made the decision but the first thing that may come to her mind is this - my mom is having surgery and I'm scared... I don't want to lose my mom so I'm going to open my mouth and try to make her feel bad - then maybe she won't have the surgery.
When I had my band surgery done two years ago I talked to my three (their ages were 9, 7 and 4). I told them that I was having the surgery to be healthier and that how and what I ate would change. I later told them what the surgery was like and they've been great. Even now when I'm looking for a revision they are okay with it.
If she has a question be honest and gently answer. While she may be 12 and think she's knows everything it most likely scares her. Think about the first things that pop up when you google by-pass surgery - it's not the bright and pretty stories that you read first.
Good luck!
Noel
I was very open and told EVERYBODY and I do not regret that decision. Don't worry-people will see how much effort you put into WLS and will quickly realize it is NOT an easy way out. My friends and family know how much time I spend planning meals and exercising.
Your daughter said what she did out of fear. My daughter was 25 when I had my surgery and she took it the hardest. She was scared to death that I would not live through it. I gently explained to her that if I did not have the surgery it was a sure death sentence because I would die early like her grandparents from obesity related diseases. I explained everything that would happen and she was one of the 1st people I saw after surgery. Now she is so glad I did it because she sees how healthy and happy I am.
Your daughter said what she did out of fear. My daughter was 25 when I had my surgery and she took it the hardest. She was scared to death that I would not live through it. I gently explained to her that if I did not have the surgery it was a sure death sentence because I would die early like her grandparents from obesity related diseases. I explained everything that would happen and she was one of the 1st people I saw after surgery. Now she is so glad I did it because she sees how healthy and happy I am.
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