Hey yuz guys!
Sorry I haven't been here. I've been riding the "feeling sorry for myself" roller coaster.
My son Jonathan got married last October, to a not so nice young woman. He loves her and so we have tolerated a lot, but here lately things are intolerable. I won't go into detail but I'm very disappointed in my son's behavior at this point. I can understand her living in that manner because this is what she knows. My son was not raised that way!
Things boiled over three weeks ago and that was the last time he spoke to me. We were always very close he and I. If he had a problem or wanted an answer it was me that he came to. When it was time for the facts of life it was me that explained it. When he had to learn to drive, yep, it was me that taught him. So this is a not so easy time for me. Anyway, that's where I have been and I will try to pull out of this funk and be on here more. Please pray for our family as a whole he has pretty much cut off his brother and sisters as well. We need healing!
Lisa
My son Jonathan got married last October, to a not so nice young woman. He loves her and so we have tolerated a lot, but here lately things are intolerable. I won't go into detail but I'm very disappointed in my son's behavior at this point. I can understand her living in that manner because this is what she knows. My son was not raised that way!
Things boiled over three weeks ago and that was the last time he spoke to me. We were always very close he and I. If he had a problem or wanted an answer it was me that he came to. When it was time for the facts of life it was me that explained it. When he had to learn to drive, yep, it was me that taught him. So this is a not so easy time for me. Anyway, that's where I have been and I will try to pull out of this funk and be on here more. Please pray for our family as a whole he has pretty much cut off his brother and sisters as well. We need healing!
Lisa
Faith is NOT believing God can.
It is knowing that God will!
It is knowing that God will!
Hi Lisa,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately no matter how we raise them when they grow up and "fall in love"...you will notice I used quotes because I don't believe two people truly love one another if they don't take their families into account when they join in HOLY matrimony. But, unfortunately when they take a spouse we are no longer the one they come to anymore, as it should be as much as it hurts and even though they are married to someone who is or seems to be the wrong person for them. They are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to their spouse.
I know you didn't ask for my opinion so you can tell my to take my big nose and butt out if you want, but from my experience it has worked out best to just be there when my daughter needs me. She married a young man 8 years ago after becoming pregnant at the age of 19 who was from a totally different way of life then she was raised in. I do not feel welcome to just go by and see her...she lives 1 mile from us. They now have 3 little boys. She occasionally invites us over and he just sits thee and doesn't have anything to say. If I do go by when he is there, she comes out in the fron yard to talk to me. (he obviously likes to sit around in his underwear and can't be bothered to get up and put his pants on when her mother comes by so I can't go in her house.) I have bit my tongue and not bad-mouthed him to her. When they have had fights...he comes from a very controlling family and he tends to be the same way...I do not bad mouth him, I remind her where he came from and the fact they didn't know each other very well when they got married and I have suggested counseling. I do listen and not to judge him to her. I hope she will see what she needs to see for herself and if I were saying things about him, even though they are true, she would be defensive and try to defend him and maybe not be as able to see those things herself.
I learned this because my mother NEVER liked any of my friends and the more she said about them the more defended them and i stayed friends with alot of people I would not have if she had not been so negative. I couldn't see it for trying to take up for them.
Lisa, I know it is hard but try to take a deep breath and take a step back and not judge his lifestyle right now. I know it is hard because you raised him to be such an upstanding Christian man. It will come back...just allow him to be the man you raised and he will eventually see who she is. If he has to keep defending her to you, he will not see her as she really is. I know it hurts to see him with someone like her. You see her doing him wrong maybe and you see him doing things he wouldn't be doing if he wasn't married to her. Well, he knows deep down what is right and wrong. As much as it hurts you and I know it does because I remember how close the two of you were just by reading your post over the six years I have been on OH. Allow his defenses to relax and just ite your tongue. It may bleed alot, but unless he asks a direct question about how you feel about his wife or something they are doing, and I don't believe he will...hold that tongue. Give it a change. You can not change anything and all you can do is pray for them both and put them in God's hands. He WILL take care of it! If you feel I stuck my nose in...just tell me. I won't be offended, I will just apologize and only pray for your family, but either way, I AM praying for you and your family and especially for Jonathan. Love ya lady!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately no matter how we raise them when they grow up and "fall in love"...you will notice I used quotes because I don't believe two people truly love one another if they don't take their families into account when they join in HOLY matrimony. But, unfortunately when they take a spouse we are no longer the one they come to anymore, as it should be as much as it hurts and even though they are married to someone who is or seems to be the wrong person for them. They are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to their spouse.
I know you didn't ask for my opinion so you can tell my to take my big nose and butt out if you want, but from my experience it has worked out best to just be there when my daughter needs me. She married a young man 8 years ago after becoming pregnant at the age of 19 who was from a totally different way of life then she was raised in. I do not feel welcome to just go by and see her...she lives 1 mile from us. They now have 3 little boys. She occasionally invites us over and he just sits thee and doesn't have anything to say. If I do go by when he is there, she comes out in the fron yard to talk to me. (he obviously likes to sit around in his underwear and can't be bothered to get up and put his pants on when her mother comes by so I can't go in her house.) I have bit my tongue and not bad-mouthed him to her. When they have had fights...he comes from a very controlling family and he tends to be the same way...I do not bad mouth him, I remind her where he came from and the fact they didn't know each other very well when they got married and I have suggested counseling. I do listen and not to judge him to her. I hope she will see what she needs to see for herself and if I were saying things about him, even though they are true, she would be defensive and try to defend him and maybe not be as able to see those things herself.
I learned this because my mother NEVER liked any of my friends and the more she said about them the more defended them and i stayed friends with alot of people I would not have if she had not been so negative. I couldn't see it for trying to take up for them.
Lisa, I know it is hard but try to take a deep breath and take a step back and not judge his lifestyle right now. I know it is hard because you raised him to be such an upstanding Christian man. It will come back...just allow him to be the man you raised and he will eventually see who she is. If he has to keep defending her to you, he will not see her as she really is. I know it hurts to see him with someone like her. You see her doing him wrong maybe and you see him doing things he wouldn't be doing if he wasn't married to her. Well, he knows deep down what is right and wrong. As much as it hurts you and I know it does because I remember how close the two of you were just by reading your post over the six years I have been on OH. Allow his defenses to relax and just ite your tongue. It may bleed alot, but unless he asks a direct question about how you feel about his wife or something they are doing, and I don't believe he will...hold that tongue. Give it a change. You can not change anything and all you can do is pray for them both and put them in God's hands. He WILL take care of it! If you feel I stuck my nose in...just tell me. I won't be offended, I will just apologize and only pray for your family, but either way, I AM praying for you and your family and especially for Jonathan. Love ya lady!
Christ's peace,
Connie aka Teal Rose
Connie,
THANK YOU! Truly! Sometimes I feel so alone in all of this. My husband wants to cut him off because he has seen me cry so many tears. I am fearful to talk to him about my feelings because I am so afraid that I will push him over the edge. So I try to just hold it in and suck it up. I've prayed so hard for the Lord to give me a love for this girl and I did feel like it was happening. I just cannot fathom How my son could suddenly make such a drastic change and speak so vile to me. Never in his life was he disrespectful. I can promise you that over the last three weeks my heart has never ached so deeply. There are so many moments when that lump in my throat feels like it will shut off my airway because I am trying to avoid the tears. I so truly Thank You for Your kindness and I will continue to pray and just hold on. I remember hearing my sweet grandmother tell me, "when they are small they step on your toes, and when they are grown they step on your heart". I now know EXACTLY what she meant. Thank you again,
Love you,
Lisa
THANK YOU! Truly! Sometimes I feel so alone in all of this. My husband wants to cut him off because he has seen me cry so many tears. I am fearful to talk to him about my feelings because I am so afraid that I will push him over the edge. So I try to just hold it in and suck it up. I've prayed so hard for the Lord to give me a love for this girl and I did feel like it was happening. I just cannot fathom How my son could suddenly make such a drastic change and speak so vile to me. Never in his life was he disrespectful. I can promise you that over the last three weeks my heart has never ached so deeply. There are so many moments when that lump in my throat feels like it will shut off my airway because I am trying to avoid the tears. I so truly Thank You for Your kindness and I will continue to pray and just hold on. I remember hearing my sweet grandmother tell me, "when they are small they step on your toes, and when they are grown they step on your heart". I now know EXACTLY what she meant. Thank you again,
Love you,
Lisa
Faith is NOT believing God can.
It is knowing that God will!
It is knowing that God will!
Lisa,
I hope you know you are NOT alone. Anytime you need to vent. please feel free to coe here or if you want to send a PM you are welcome to. My e-mail is [email protected] if you feel the need to e-mail.
It is hard and our DHs love us so and will protect us even from our children. Our son unfortunately went through a very disrespectful period in his teens and my DH came to my defense on many occasions. It was a horrible period in our family and he did move out of our home at the age of 17. My heart literally and physically broke that night. I have never felt the pain I felt or cried as hard as I cried, but he was going through some things that was not acceptable in our home so he made the choice to leave. Thank God he has grown up (sort of) and is almost 31 this month. He is very respectful of me now. It does pass. We have always been very close and so much a like. I think that is why it hurt so much and I also think that is why when he was testing his independence, I was the one he attacked because he knew Mama's love is unconditional and he knew I would NOT give up, no matter what.
I am so sorry you have to go through this and again, I am praying for you all and anytime you need the ear of someone who has been there, please contact me. Love you...it will get better.
I hope you know you are NOT alone. Anytime you need to vent. please feel free to coe here or if you want to send a PM you are welcome to. My e-mail is [email protected] if you feel the need to e-mail.
It is hard and our DHs love us so and will protect us even from our children. Our son unfortunately went through a very disrespectful period in his teens and my DH came to my defense on many occasions. It was a horrible period in our family and he did move out of our home at the age of 17. My heart literally and physically broke that night. I have never felt the pain I felt or cried as hard as I cried, but he was going through some things that was not acceptable in our home so he made the choice to leave. Thank God he has grown up (sort of) and is almost 31 this month. He is very respectful of me now. It does pass. We have always been very close and so much a like. I think that is why it hurt so much and I also think that is why when he was testing his independence, I was the one he attacked because he knew Mama's love is unconditional and he knew I would NOT give up, no matter what.
I am so sorry you have to go through this and again, I am praying for you all and anytime you need the ear of someone who has been there, please contact me. Love you...it will get better.
Christ's peace,
Connie aka Teal Rose
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