My Feelings Are Hurt

Friday is my big day, and my mother is taking off work to be with me. She said she was going to leave after they get me settled in my room, which she was thinking may be around 12 or 1. She wanted to go home and check on my great-grandmother who has Dementia. My grandmother will be staying with my great grandmother while I am at Surgery.

Now, normally, my grandmother stays with my great-grandmother during the day anyway, until my mother comes home, which is usually abour 3:30 or 4pm. So, staying with my great-grandmother would be a normal routine with her. On Fridays, my mother normally gets off early, and is home around 12pm, so she was just looking at it as following her normal routine. I asked her if she was going to come back later and she said "Nooo, What for?" The nurses will be there to help you out. "

Now, I love my mother and we have a fairly good relationship. However, I have always felt she put other things before me...even as a child. A lot of things in life, I had to figure out on my own because she always was busy with something else. I thought that AT LEAST as her only child is having major surgery, she could at least stay majority of the day, or if she needed to leave, would come back. When I questioned her decison, she kept bringing up Granny's needs, and etc.  Now, my 95 yr old great grandmother has dementia, but she is not bedridden. She mainly likes to sit in her room and watch TV. We just have to watch her to make sure she eats, goes to the bathroom, and walks using her walker. She is not the "wandering" type.

To be honest, I just feel really alone in this. i know it was my decision to have the surgery and go through the process, but all I wanted from my family is at least a little support. Has anyone else dealt with after surgery time by themselves? Did you do ok?  I think she figures that since I am coming home Saturday to stay with her, she will just take care of me then. But I really wanted someone there with me. Am I asking too much? I would have stayed with her or even a friend all day if I needed to, but that's just my nature. *sigh*

so sorry your feeling are hurt... My mom and dad where both against me having surgery... she called me and told me she was not going to come to be with me... so it was a lonely morning, not having my mom there,  my kids couldn't make it either... my husband was there....

but to be honest, you will more the likely sleep alot after surgery and you won't even know they are not there.... you will have alot of company with all the nurses that will be coming in and out of your room... prayers going up for you today... and on friday

Hi DeShanna!  My name is Randall.  I wanted to say WELCOME to the Bama Family.  I know you have posted before, and I am ashamed that I haven't welcomed you before. 

I can understand how you could feel the way you do.  We all know it is important that family be there for us.  This is a major surgery.  I had my surgery and had a great support link.  Family and THIS BOARD!!  You are not alone.  This family will be here for you.  If you need us, do not hesitate to post, ask, and reach out to us.  You are not asking too much or wanting too much from your Mom.  People just get set in their routines or ways and it is hard for them to change anything.  Just know we are here.  If one of us can't answer or help, there will be someone else who can or will.  Please know you are in our prayers!!  AND....................

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SURGERY!!  This is the BEST THING YOU COULD EVER DO FOR YOU!!!  We have a seat on the "Loser's Bench" JUST FOR YOU!!  So, c'mon and join us!!  WOO HOO!!

Hi Congrats on your surgery.   At least you told your Mother ,I still have not told mine, she would not like it one bit. She has always been tiny, dont even have clue what it is like to be Fat. But I do! You will be fine, and she just might change her mind when she gets there. The best to you. Take care.  Praying for you. Froggy AKA Ellen ( lost 118 lbs.)

DeShanna....I had one daughter who stood beside me and my husband.  My mother did not want me to have surgery and told me for months that I might die.  Now...4 years later....it is almost as if it were her idea LOL.  That's ok, though.  I don't care whose idea it was...I just feel great!!!!  Now...as Randall said,,,you have family here.  I know it hurts when the person you lean on and love so much is not there, but we are here.  You will do fine.  I promise you will.  Just do as your doctor says and sip on water and walk.  You might need her more after you come home, though.  You will be a bit weak and tired.   You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I know things will be fine.  I am sending you a pm. 

,

Thank you for the word's of encouragement! It's excites me to know I have a new "family" I can reach out too.  I just came from my pre-admission testing, and I am excited all over again! I know things will work out. Thank you again!

DeShanna,

My husband died in 1999. My daughter got married and moved out of town in 2001. I had my surgery in 2002 and was alone the majority of the time. My mother did take me to the hospital and the next day took me home. I lived alone and did just fine. I was nervous and scared because I had not really done a lot of research about the surgery. However, I had plenty of time when I got home to read all about it and that's what I did. I also called a few people who had had the surgery. I can't remember who they were but I found them on the Bama Board. This was my biggest support group. They can be yours too. You'll love your new life.

If you have questions when you get home, please feel free to contact me. If you want to call, let me know and I'll send you my number.

Blessings,
DebbieDoo

DeShanna--

I can't add much to what everyone else has said except Ditto.  The only thing I will say is I have a feeling that you know there is One who will be with you irregardless of anyone else who let's you down.  May the Spirit of God comfort and give you Peace--He will be with you the whole time.

let us know how you are doing and reach out to us if you need too.

Volfan

Just wanted to say hellooo!!!    And welcome to the Bama Board!  

Ya know, the other posts...I kinda tend to agree with them.  
 
Just keep one thing in mind, when you feel like you have come in 2nd or even at the bottom of the list - it is Satan telling you that.  For you are Your Father's Child and you are #1 where He's concerned.   
Isn't His love so sweet?
(Don't feel alone...ALL my childhood and most of my adult life, I had to battle this lie until I recognized the author.)

Remember you are in His hands...the same hands that knitted you in your mother's womb.  He is going to take care of you.

Will be praying for you.  See you on the Loser's Bench!  

Jackie