I went to my 2nd appointment yesterday  with the dietican. Right off the top I have gained eleven of the thirteen pounds I had lost. I'm eating like once maybe twice a day. I don't have an appetite most of the time. I just feel like giving up because I am tired of fighting this battle. The pain is almost unbearable most of the time. I find myself more and more depressed. In public I can smile and seem happy but inside I'm dying with depression. Sometimes I just wish God would go ahead and and allow me to go in my sleep. I am tired of all the BS with the doctors Ive seen. Its like they could careless or like they would rather see me die than help me get better.The way I am is unfair to my son. He deserves someone better than what I am capable of giving him right now. I just want the best for him and that is out of my reach with the way I am right now. It seems like its getting worse rather than better. I really don't know how much more I can take or rather how much more my heart can stand.

First and foremost, if you really feel like the world and your son would be better off if you weren't here, then you should immediately see a doctor, your minister or call a help line.  Second, you must love yourself before you ever embark on a gastric bypass journey.  A smaller body will not make you happy nor will it solve any problems in your life.  It just means you'll be smaller, and if you do it correctly, healthier.  I too lost both my parents due to complications of morbid obesity.  I know how scary it is.  However, no matter how many weight issues I had, I made a comittment to love myself no matter what.  Yes, you've had struggles getting this surgery, and if it is meant to be, your hard work will pay off and you will eventually get it.  Right now, I recommend you work on the inside first.  The rest will come in time.  Remember, no matter how low you feel, there are people in this world (your son) that believe you hung the moon.  No one is worthless-everyone has a gift.  Ask the Lord for strength and guidance.  THAT is the only place you need to go for peace.  I will be praying for you.

I went through some of these same feelings and I have to tell you that I had to go for counseling to my pastor. It is easy to not love yourself when you feel and look different from the norm. Of course who is to say what's normal any more? You need to talk to someone and you need to look around you and find the good things and try to concentrate more on them. There has to be some good somewhere. Your son would not be better off without you. What would be unfair is if his mother died and left him alone. Don't give up and please feel free to come here and pour out your heart. If you want to email me send it to [email protected]. I can be a friend and will not judge you. You need encouragement but you don't need everyone feeling sorry for you. Put your big girl panties on and let's get through this. Ok??

Love and prayers,
DebbieDoo

I completely second everything that was just said above me.

If ive learned anything thru all of my WLS journey, before and after is that i just thought the before was tough. After is way tougher, physchially and emotionally. Its not a miracle cure to lifes problems, or even weight problems. Its been the hardest damned thing ive ever done, but do you know what. I'd turn around and it again tomorrow.

I truly believe you should see a doctor. The depression will only get worse before it gets better. Its a very emotional journey. There are people out there to talk to. Please do so!

Dont give up. I promise the fight is worth it.

Please call me I know what your going through we can lean on each other. We do live in the same town. We'll get through this together, don't give up.

I just want you to know that I do care.  I can add nothing further than what has already been said.  However, I do understand your pain.  I do not know yours, but most of us have been right where you are.  I would love to talk with you.  If I can be of any help...please email me at [email protected] and I will be more than happy to give you my contact information.   I know that God can and will give you the strength you need to withstand this. 

I'm sad to hear you feel this way and, without knowing your story, would like to second and third everything that was said above especially the part about working on your inside first.  I too had to have some serious counseling to deal with the eating behaviors and the emotions that were underneath them.  I also want to second, third, fourth, fifth and vehemently remind you that your son has you in his life.  That is what he needs. 

Some of your language concerns me.  Please do contact these ladies who know you better than I, your pastor, a counselor or whatever.

You are in my prayers.

Janice

I won't tell ya I know how ya feel, because every ones journey is different ! I am going to say that I am glad to see you venting as we all say here. Talking about it is good to get your feeling's out, and you have conquered that one today.  As far as your son well that's unconditional love ya got there, he loves you no matter ! We are all here for you anytime I am at [email protected] if ya just need a friend to vent to ! Or maybe a good laugh I'm good at that ! I know when I am down I can alway's look around and find things worse somewhere else and wind-up counting my blessings. You can mail me anytime I am home all day  Now that there is a botox kiss , to make you feel a little better !