Getting your feelings hurt...
What causes the hurt is not what the other person does, it is what you tell yourself about what the other person's behavior means. If someone doesn't speak to you ( my personal major sin of omission to others), you interpret that behavior. If you let it hurt your feelings, it is because you tell yourself that it in some way puts you down. However, it just as easily could be that the person was distracted and just didn't see you. The first interpretation hurts your feelings with you experiencing rejection, abandoment, and/or non acceptance. The second interpretation is the most likely scenerio ( 100% of the time it is why I don't speak, I am thinking and walking in a bubble of my own thoughts).
People who have suffered from obesity have actually been shunned. However, one of the adjustments after WLS is that you are only fat in your head. People may not speak to you or they may commit other social bluders of omission, because they are distracted or simply not that socially skilled. Many people who have been obese have been left out of social situations that would allow them to learn the more advanced social skills. We, I am speaking of myself as a formerly fat person, are sensitive to social slights, because we misinterpret simple omissions as rejection, and we must be aware that we do misinterpret those gestures.
Humor is a good way to check out if you are being slighted or not. "Hey, Janie, are you not speaking today? " Followed by a laugh. Most people will interpret that as an openning to tell you that they are distracted and even what is distracting them. Perhaps the person has emotional or physical pain that is preoccupying them. They may need your help.
Whatever you do, don't just let it slide. Find a way to let the other person know that you are offended. If you cannot tell them openly, then write a note or email and tell them what upset you. The longer that you carry that stuff around the more "hungery" it makes you.....you need nurturance...not sustenance. One of the principles of maintaining your weight loss is to stop stuffing your feelings, because eventually, you will turn to stuffing food down your throat rather than just the emotions.
One of the best pieces of wisdom someone gave me was that you cannot change/control someone else's behavior, you can only change/control how you react to it.
When you react to their bad behavior, they have won. The best revenge (if you will...) is to not respond and never let them know they got to you. Don't ever stoop to their level by responding in the same manner that they acted.
Sandi
Wow, this is thoughtful! I liked it so much I printed it for future reference and share with a friend. One of my bad habits is avoiding people who have hurt me in the past. Often I have gone to great extremes to avoid those people. I hate negative confrontation. There are people who get great satisfaction out of making people feel bad so I avoid them.
Thank you for this note. It follows along our pastor's sermon this morning. It looks like God has a plan and I want to be a part of it.
Take care and God bless.
Brenda A
