Moving . . .

 

A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska--a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife.

She replied, "You."  ___________________________________________________________________________

Wisdom From Grandpa. . .

 

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.

A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest iskept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember about Algebra.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. _________________________________________________________________________

To Propose . . .

 

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were  watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept."  __________________________________________________________________________

Expression For a Woman's High Stress Day

 

 1. You! Off my planet!!  2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?  3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.  4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.  5. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?  6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30  years.  7. Allow me to introduce my selves.  8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.  9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 10. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 11. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. 12. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 13. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 14. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. 15. At least I don't have to adjust my shorts! 16. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 17. You say I'm nasty like it's a bad thing. 18. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? 19. Nice perfume.  Must you marinate in it? 20. Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done. 21. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. 22. Earth is full. Go home. 23. Is it time for your medication or mine? 24. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? 25. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. 27. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.