29 lines to make you smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.   He thought he was God and I didn't.  2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.  3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.  4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.  5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.  6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me  7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .  8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .  9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.  10.. Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes ..  11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.  12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.  13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.  14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.  15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?  16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!  17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up . 18.. Procrastinate Now!     19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;  Do You Want Fries With That?    20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.  21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.  22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!  23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .  24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.  25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.  26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.  27..The trouble with life is there's no background music .  28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.  29.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.  Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!    Life is too short and friends are too few!

Some of those are so true. I just wanted to tell you tha I for one do appreciate ever thing that you do for us on OH. And I am so glad that I can call you friend.

  for the Laugh needed it 

I love these, and also appreciate you and the work you do for all of us.  You are a very special person, who is caring and loving... but even more important, forgiving.

but even more important, forgiving. And also to be forgiven

Everybody telling you they appreciate all you do. Huh. I don't appreciate you one bit. Now if you were to show up at my front door about 7 AM and have your work clothes on and be ready to help me tear out the bathroom carpet. Now then I could really show you appreciation. ( Truth be told I do Thank God everyday because of all your help to everybody on the board. But don't tell anyone, they would think I was getting soft in my old age) See you at 7, bring coffee. Love Miss Mary