The True Differences Between Men and Women

 

NICKNAMES   If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.   EATING OUT   When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20.00 even though it's only for $32.50.None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.   MONEY   A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.   BATHROOMS   A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste, a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.   ARGUMENTS   A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.   CATS   Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.   FUTURE   A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.   SUCCESS   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.   MARRIAGE   A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.   DRESSING UP   A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.   NATURAL   Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.   OFFSPRING   Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.  _______________________________________________________________________

Coffee?

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You're in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that's your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

The husband replied, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she grabbed her Bible, and opened to the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed said:   ~~~

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"HEBREWS"!!!