OT:Would you be mad???

This may seem petty but I am really wondering the popular opinion of you all, esp. you moms, g-moms, etc. Two weeks ago, I trusted a friend of mine to take my daughter to an overnight camp with her and her daughter. It was a troop camp but some of the moms were going to chaperone and do a mom and me camp experience but overall, it was for the girl scout troop.  Several of the girls were going without moms. My 6yo came home late Saturday night and the mom I had trusted took them to the Galleria shopping after camp ( I found out later that they left camp before it was officially over). They didn't get in until almost 9pm and my dd came home wearing dress up clothes, her hair streaked with blond highlights (wash out kind), and dd said she had been shopping at the Galleria.  I was a little upset as I did not know nor necessarily wanted dd to arrive home so late, after all, she is 6 and had been away from home since the day before and should have been tired from all the camp activities. The next day, I receive an email from the troop leader stating that this mom, her dd, and my dd did not participate in many of the camp activities. It also stated that DD did not stay in her designated cabin with the other girls w/o moms (the troop leader's cabin) and she stayed with the mom and her DD, which was not suppose to happen.  It stated that at one time, my dd was found unsupervised on the playground by herself and the mom was found several times sleeping in the cabin and even once was found sleeping on the playground.  The email also stated that the mom and her dd and my dd were MIA at other various times during the 24hr camping trip.  I questioned the mom and she said the girls got hot so she took them riding in the air conditioning of the car.  I questioned my dd and she said they went riding around and described going to garage sales, etc.   I wrote the mom and told her of my disappointment in finding out that my dd did not get to experience camp with her troop and that I thought her leaving the activities because she was bored and hot gave the girls a terrible example of  encouraging disrespecting authority (troop leader) and taught them little about endurance and group participation.  I was also upset because she did not have my permission to do anything other than take dd and bring her home. I have been contacted by several mothers who attended the camp and have reported other strange and irresponsible occurances with this mom and the camping debacle. DH and I decided that this relationship with this mom should be severed as she is not stable and has other issues that have surfaced that clearly indicate some serious problems. My little girl and the mom's little girl have been big buddies for the past 2 years. My DD is now asking why she can't play with the other little girl anymore. Any advice on how to gently break the news that she and the other little girl can no longer play together. She is going to be very upset because she really loves the other little girl.  I feel bad for the girls. I thought about letting her still play with the little girl under my supervision but I really don't think that will be doable. Am I over-reacting?

Nanci, You are darn right....I would be madder than an old wet cat!  You have every right to be mad and I too would no longer have any dealings with this lady.  sadly it does affect the kiddos however if you sit down and try to talk with DD about the situation she might understand.  She is young but she is also your DD and she is a bright youngen' like her mommy, I think she would try to understand. I honestly think you know the answer to this question, don't doubt yourself girly!  I love ya bunches!  Susan

No you are not over-reacting as far as I'm concerned. This mom was not responsible in the care of your daughter. It seems to me that she wanted a little out of house time so she could shop and sleep. I don't know how I would handle the girls friendship. I would probably let them stay friends at church, daycare, etc. but no more spending the night away from home with this mom in charge. You have to do what your heart tells you and what common sense says. Your daughter is young enough that she will accept whatever you decide with no ill efects. I do think that I would speak to this lady instead of writing an email. Emails do not always come across the way we want them to and she needs to see your face when you talk to her. Well, I'm just one mama & grandma and I'm sure we all have our opinions. Protect your children and keep them safe - nobody will look after them or care about them like you.

DebbieDoo

One word YES! I would talk with the other mom and explain why you are upset. Then talk with your girls and explain that for a "while" we will be taking a break from playing with the other child. Maybe the other mom will step up and take responsibility. but, not everyone thinks that order and rules are good for their children and balk at having any rules. Alyssa has one good friend and that mommy sees things the way we do along with her husband so alyssa knows not to try any funny business and neither does taylor. althea

OMGoodness nanci!  not only are you NOT overreacting, in your shoes, i'd be just as furious as you are!  and NO way on God's green earth would i ever let my child go anywhere w/ that woman again!  if you can't come up with a way for the two girls to play together only when you're with them, i'd suggest telling your DD the truth-that friend's mom wasn't supposed to have taken her from the campout or shopping, and friend's mom is no longer allowed to supervise her anymore, so she probably won't be playing with friend much, if at all.  it stinks, and in a way i don't think it's fair to punish the child for the parent's bad behavior, but in a situation like this where your daughter's safety was clearly at stake, you can't take a chance.  *hugs*  whatever you decide, you'll be in my prayers.  i just wanted you to know i feel the same way you do. Hugs, Donya

I DO NOT think that is a petty issue at all. I think it is pretty serious, actually. That mother's behavior was unacceptable! I agree that I wouldn't let the girls play together unless they were under my supervision.

No your not over reacting. You are the one who will answer to God for your responsibility and you obviously take that responsibility very serious. Been there done that! My daughter was much older than yours. But her best friend was allowed to do things I did not allow my daughter to do. I ask the girls mother and we were friends at the time to not allow the girls to chat online to ppl they didn't know, no****ch movies I didn't apporove of ect. It didn't stop! So I had to stop it. Needless to say my friend and I went separate ways and we attended the same church. It was difficult but I could not in good conscious allow my daughter to have conversations with ppl she didn't know online. Just TOO scary! And the movies were horrible. I did n o t watch the things this child was allowed to watch.  And the friend of my daughter I suppose either didn't want to be around me or was bored by not being allowed the things her mother allowed. I don't know but she would not come to my house and I really didn't mind her being in my care. And my advice to you would be to allow the girls to be together in your care. But have a conversation with the mother. Hopefully your good character will be a good example for the little girl and the mother.

You have every right to be angry and to let the other childs mom know why you are angry. She was very irresponsible. But, may I suggest that instead of making your daughter no longer play with her best buddy, make a rule that the girls are only allowed to play together at your house, under your supervision. It isn't the little girls fault her mom has issues. When my son ws young, he had a friend that was allowed to come to our house but he was not allowed to go to his buddies house. When he asked why he couldn't go, I woudl be honest with him and tell him it was because of his friends home life etc. The friendship lasted for a while and then fizzled on it's own as the boys got a little bit older. The other boy never asked why my son oculd not come over. He woudl invite him but we would always counter offer with a "Why don't you come over and play at our house". The mother knew the problem and never questioned it either. Somethings just have a way of working themselves out.

Heyya Nanci!  I agree with the others...You are NOT over reacting at all.   Stick to your guns!  Your daughter is worth it.

Hijack,Jackie I thinks Nanci under reacted,the woman still has her hair and not in a boby cast