Six weeks! To infinity and beyond!

Holla! How are my OH peeps?
I am doing well… It has been just over six weeks since my surgery and I have lost 50 pounds! This is including pre-op 15 pds. I am so excited. I have NEVER lost weight before on all those stupid programs etc.  It is like a freaking miracle.


I am starting to get excited about the holiday parties - just went to two this weekend, all dolled up in tiny dresses I couldn't fit in before, with cute tights and heels that seem much more comfortable all of a sudden… HAWT STUFF!!!

Hilarious, at one party two people asked me if my nose was bigger! I think they thought I got a nose job!!! HA HA HA HA> they kept saying I looked "different". I explained that "I am being really healthy lately and that I used some new blush, that MUST be it". But honestly I think my face is just less chubby and so my nose is more noticeable. I laughed at them and said, "Why would I get a BIGGER nose??!" Not that I have a giant nose but tooooo funny.

Anyway. Lots of good comments about my hair too. I think people just can't figure it out. I can see them loooooking at me. Which usually makes me feel a little weird. I suppose in the next few months they will realize it is because I am getting skinnier. I will have to stop thinking I have something stuck on my face & get used to looks.

I have been to  my WW clinic appointments and all going well so far. It is hard to get in all the vits, water, and protein plus the fibre every day. I am now starting to focus on adding veggies to my mini meals, and also to try to start exercising. Walking. However, some nice weather coud help w. that. Does shopping count?

I am feeling a bit of an emotional roller coaster still - good days and bad. I am having vivid memories of times when I used to weigh these numbers - as if my body is peeling back layers of things I have buried for a long time, and I am feeling the things that I would not allow myself at the time. Like a little fat time capsule or something. Super interesting. So I am journalling etc. Trying to work it out in my mind while staying focused.

Overall, super exciting. It is definitely a JOURNEY. Hope you are all well! I love reading everyone's updates!
~mtrai

 Your recount of the little fat time capsule is very very interesting!  I am glad to hear that you are journalling.  How cool is that?  It is like we layer the fat as protection.  Cover up all the stress, anxiety, sadness, whatever with physical fat bubbles and now that you are shrinking them, you are releasing all the emotion and historical memories that were encapsulated deep inside.  That is way too cool!  I wonder if that is the way it is for everyone?  Hang on for the ride darlin...just remember that you wouldnt be in this time or place or space if you were not ready and able to cope with it all.  
PS.  How awesome about your weight loss!!!!!  
Take care and thanks so much for sharing that very interesting piece of information.  I have never heard it illustrated like that before.  Please keep us posted as you feel comfortable.
Thanks.
StrawWalker

what a great post... don't people say the darndest things...lol...soooooo happy for yu.... just wait till you see them next christmas party...wooo hoo... good job girl... tammy

Thanks!
StrawWalker, yes, I am finding it super interesting as well but true. I'm really trying to learn from this.

Before I did the surgery, to understand why the impact of obesity on my life,  I had made a chart which documented a timeline of my life from the age of 10 to present. I then plotted significant positive life events and negative events (relationships, trauma, new jobs, new friendships, university, family events etc.) on a scale of 1-10 (ten being good, 1 bad) and then below that plotted periods when I gained weight. I then joined the dots and could see a flow of my life events from good to bad over the years, and a separate wave which had my weight fluctuations (times when I had gained and lost weight).

The chart kind of blew me away. I had always thought that I had gained weight because of traumatic incidents, but actually that was when I lost weight. I gained weight when I had love/ relationship problems.

So now as I am losing weight I am keeping a journal to see how things go. And I keep having dreams, memories, etc. of the time when I last weighed that weight. Often the things I remember from that time is just this horror at being "that terrible new highest weight" but now, I am so excited to be DOWN to that weight! So the feeling physically is very different. It is the emotions that I need to process. 

My weight loss is usually kind of staggered right now... lose, stay the same for 4-5 days, lose, etc.
So it seems to me that my mind needs to catch up before I can go down a few more pds.

Anyway. A heck of a lot of navel gazing, hey?? but I am trying to do this successfully and for me that means to learn about why I got this way in the first place, and to help deal with emotional eating and stress management for the future.

Thanks for the support guys...
~mtrai