Little Bit Terrified
I just got to schedule the classes today...so I think my classes are Nov. 26 and Jan 7 (because of Christmas break)
Do you have Dr. Birch as well?
I had to do my scope and barium swallow before he was going to approve me for surgery. Probably because I also brought up the fact that I get hiccups and 'stuck' food every so often when I'm eating. It is less now that I've lost some weight.
Everything came back fine, he's happy, I'm happy. My insides look good. I had a little bit of inflammation in the esophagus that could have resulted from a bit of a reflux, but nothing he is concerned about.
Do you have Dr. Birch as well?
I had to do my scope and barium swallow before he was going to approve me for surgery. Probably because I also brought up the fact that I get hiccups and 'stuck' food every so often when I'm eating. It is less now that I've lost some weight.
Everything came back fine, he's happy, I'm happy. My insides look good. I had a little bit of inflammation in the esophagus that could have resulted from a bit of a reflux, but nothing he is concerned about.
I have to do the liquid diet too- BOO!!
I attended the first pre-surg class on Friday and the liquid diet was discussed a little. There was some confusion because some people have to do it and others don't. Corey explained that the surgeons have different preferences; Dr. Karmali requires the liquid diet in advance to shrink the liver and to have a larger pre-surgical weight loss whereas Dr. Birch prefers to see a gradual continuous weight loss leading up to surgery.
Dreena, hang in there and trust your gut. If the voice telling you not to persue surgery is louder than the voice telling you that this is the best thing for you maybe you need to talk to your nurse about your concerns and maybe see about delayinging surgery until you are 100% sure. No one is going to toss you out for making sure that you are ready. (Its something else they mentioned at the pre-surg class!)
I know for myself I am sure about surgery but every so often I have that terrible nasty voice in my head saying that I am going to go through all this change and still fail. I am far more afraid of failing than anything else, pain, dealing with peoples response, changing everything about my relationship with food! None of that is as scary to me as the fact that I could blow think, just like every diet I have ever been on. I am condiitoned to exept to fail now after so many failures in the past. This time I am just trusting that I know that I am educated, I have made numerous changes to my life to be prepared and I have a great support system. If I fail, it will be because I have sabatoged myself and I am taking steps to aleviate the possibilty of self-sabotage. Journalling, talking things out when I am upset and most importantly I am thinking one step ahead and have a plan to deal with things before they come up.
Take a deep breath and remember the tools you have!
I attended the first pre-surg class on Friday and the liquid diet was discussed a little. There was some confusion because some people have to do it and others don't. Corey explained that the surgeons have different preferences; Dr. Karmali requires the liquid diet in advance to shrink the liver and to have a larger pre-surgical weight loss whereas Dr. Birch prefers to see a gradual continuous weight loss leading up to surgery.
Dreena, hang in there and trust your gut. If the voice telling you not to persue surgery is louder than the voice telling you that this is the best thing for you maybe you need to talk to your nurse about your concerns and maybe see about delayinging surgery until you are 100% sure. No one is going to toss you out for making sure that you are ready. (Its something else they mentioned at the pre-surg class!)
I know for myself I am sure about surgery but every so often I have that terrible nasty voice in my head saying that I am going to go through all this change and still fail. I am far more afraid of failing than anything else, pain, dealing with peoples response, changing everything about my relationship with food! None of that is as scary to me as the fact that I could blow think, just like every diet I have ever been on. I am condiitoned to exept to fail now after so many failures in the past. This time I am just trusting that I know that I am educated, I have made numerous changes to my life to be prepared and I have a great support system. If I fail, it will be because I have sabatoged myself and I am taking steps to aleviate the possibilty of self-sabotage. Journalling, talking things out when I am upset and most importantly I am thinking one step ahead and have a plan to deal with things before they come up.
Take a deep breath and remember the tools you have!
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin
Highest Weight: 242 lbs 1st Clinic visit: 236.8lbs
Weight at Surgery: 193.1 Surgery Date: May 18, 2011 Current Weight: 134.4 lbs
Thanks for the very informative reply Chance.
You know what....the only fears that are really bugging me about surgery is that I have children, and if something bad were to happen and I couldn't be there for them then that is devastating thought for me. LOL.
ON the flipside, if I were to continually battle with my weight, be unhealthy and/or sick or tired and not be the BEST mom I can be for them...that too is devastating.
I have to give myself the chance to live an active and fruitful life, Pretty simple, yet oh so complicated fear.
I've had three c-sections, those times babies lives depended on surgeries to be born, so I had my tough backbone. When it's for me and my life..I get all 'fraidy cat' on myself. Is that weird? Are all moms like this?
D
You know what....the only fears that are really bugging me about surgery is that I have children, and if something bad were to happen and I couldn't be there for them then that is devastating thought for me. LOL.
ON the flipside, if I were to continually battle with my weight, be unhealthy and/or sick or tired and not be the BEST mom I can be for them...that too is devastating.
I have to give myself the chance to live an active and fruitful life, Pretty simple, yet oh so complicated fear.
I've had three c-sections, those times babies lives depended on surgeries to be born, so I had my tough backbone. When it's for me and my life..I get all 'fraidy cat' on myself. Is that weird? Are all moms like this?
D
Hi Dreena!
It was great to see you too. I guess we haven't changed all that much from high school eh?
I'm so glad you got your approval. As predicted, I didn't see Dr Birch, but one of his fellows. I was probably out before you...(they are happy with my recovery and scope results, and don't need to see me unless I have problems. I continue to meet with nurse/nut regularly.)
Don't panic about the "should I / shouldn't I" dance. They have had people decide against the surgery just before being taken to the OR. Proceed with life, planning to have surgery, and know that if you have serious concerns you can talk about them, deal with them, and confirm yourself on the right path for you.
As for liquid diet, it depends on both your surgeon and BMI. Dr Birch tends to not require it, Dr Karmali tends to require it. I had Dr Birch, and didn't have to do it, Alex had Dr Karmali and ended up doing about 26 days on the liquids! However, Dr Birch did tell me that if Alex had been his patient he would still have had to do the liquid...because of BMI. The larger you are, the more likely it is that there could be liver size issues. For that reason, I know of several people that have self-elected to do a liquid for several days prior to surgery. (there are benefits to that too...there's nothing solid in your intestines, so you can avoid BM. I know, TMI, but those fresh incisions are painful, and avoiding straining is much nicer on your body.) Its also a way to guarantee you haven't gained when they do your pre-surgery weigh in the day before.
Looking forward to seeing you at our meeting. We are a very supportive group, so don't be nervous! We've all either been there, or are headed there. I just read your message, I have no problems with that, and we can certainly bring it up at the meeting if you would like.
Take care!
Dawn
It was great to see you too. I guess we haven't changed all that much from high school eh?
I'm so glad you got your approval. As predicted, I didn't see Dr Birch, but one of his fellows. I was probably out before you...(they are happy with my recovery and scope results, and don't need to see me unless I have problems. I continue to meet with nurse/nut regularly.)
Don't panic about the "should I / shouldn't I" dance. They have had people decide against the surgery just before being taken to the OR. Proceed with life, planning to have surgery, and know that if you have serious concerns you can talk about them, deal with them, and confirm yourself on the right path for you.
As for liquid diet, it depends on both your surgeon and BMI. Dr Birch tends to not require it, Dr Karmali tends to require it. I had Dr Birch, and didn't have to do it, Alex had Dr Karmali and ended up doing about 26 days on the liquids! However, Dr Birch did tell me that if Alex had been his patient he would still have had to do the liquid...because of BMI. The larger you are, the more likely it is that there could be liver size issues. For that reason, I know of several people that have self-elected to do a liquid for several days prior to surgery. (there are benefits to that too...there's nothing solid in your intestines, so you can avoid BM. I know, TMI, but those fresh incisions are painful, and avoiding straining is much nicer on your body.) Its also a way to guarantee you haven't gained when they do your pre-surgery weigh in the day before.
Looking forward to seeing you at our meeting. We are a very supportive group, so don't be nervous! We've all either been there, or are headed there. I just read your message, I have no problems with that, and we can certainly bring it up at the meeting if you would like.
Take care!
Dawn
Dreena!!! I'm so excited for you!! I haven't been on the computer at all in the past week or so since I had some family issues to deal with. But I'm so excited!!!! You'll do great - whatever you choose. I had to do the liquid diet but like Dawn said, I had a higher BMI and Dr. Birch wanted to make sure my liver had gone down.
How are you doing? Has it set in yet?
How are you doing? Has it set in yet?
It has not set in yet. Haa!
Maybe once I get the two classes done and I get my pre-op checkup done I will THEN be seriously excited and wiggy!
I'm having those 'what if surgery doesn't help me lose - doubts - little voice in the head" days. I know everyone has them. So I'm just telling it to shut the heck up! :)
Squee!!! <---that's my happy/excited noise.
xo
Dreena
Im not sure if what Im going to say is going to come out the right way but ....
I have been at the clinic and seen people come back after having surgery and regain the weight and more.. Im sure it wasn't what they wanted or ment to happen.. But like anything .. Surgery is a "tool " and how we use that tool with either make or break that..
I personally will do my best to insure Im continueing to do what Im suppose to.. I Will Try Not To Drink the things I shouldn't Or Eat the things I shouldn't.. But I know Im human and And I May Mess Up ... I will use my supports and Keep With The People Who Understand .. I know that personally I did this for me.. And I have to continue to believe that Im worth every bit of what I have gone through and continue my journey.. Im hoping what I have tried to say came out right.. I believe that we all are on a Life Long Journey and that if we do what we are suppose to .. Everything will workout..
I have been at the clinic and seen people come back after having surgery and regain the weight and more.. Im sure it wasn't what they wanted or ment to happen.. But like anything .. Surgery is a "tool " and how we use that tool with either make or break that..
I personally will do my best to insure Im continueing to do what Im suppose to.. I Will Try Not To Drink the things I shouldn't Or Eat the things I shouldn't.. But I know Im human and And I May Mess Up ... I will use my supports and Keep With The People Who Understand .. I know that personally I did this for me.. And I have to continue to believe that Im worth every bit of what I have gone through and continue my journey.. Im hoping what I have tried to say came out right.. I believe that we all are on a Life Long Journey and that if we do what we are suppose to .. Everything will workout..
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