i want to be different in so many ways...

Hi everyone... i was thinking the last few days, how unselfi**** is when i see you all giving of yourself to others in this journey we all are familiar with and i wanted to participate....
I just want to encourage whoever out there who is searching for information to be able to come to these sights as i did pre surgery for understanding, and assurance that it is the right thing to do for us to get the weight loss surgery to improve and enhance our lives and the lives around us.
I became heavy due to filling my soul which was hungry, mostly for assurance that i wasn't to blame for all of the abuse that i had to endure for 14 years at the hands of my father...
I felt like, and still feel like the lonliest person on earth, and the biggest isolator that ever was...
I feel sad that it (the abuse) took me to this point, but it has and now i have to deal with the aftermath... the rage against myself and my body...
i have had an attachment disorder towards myself and have detached from my very self... not being able to see me and my body as one, but two distinct entities... seems odd, but i know from therapy there are others who felt the same..
sometimes, actually often since the surgery, I fear that this also will not be successful in getting me back in a love relationship with myself and to start taking a serious look at what i have done to my precious self...
anyway it is 4 am and i still am not sleeping, haven't in a while... have so much energy, need to get back to work to get tired again... heh thanks for this wonderful forum, where i have not felt judged...love and prayers tammy

Thank you for sharing Tammy.  I do think it's important to get everyone's story out there as it might help someone else going through the same thing.  And the fact that you made the choice of surgery is a very important step on your path to recovery.

*hugs*

Jill

Thanks For Sharing.. I love reading .. Your amazing and you will get past all this. we/ 1  all will.. We have to start to love ourselves cus if I dont I know I wont succeed..  Ididnt get this way over night. I didnt take the highroad or the easy road.. I did what i had to so that the next 30 plus years are way better than the last 20 yrs.. Hugs Tammy hope we can connect when you come in..

Karen