husband not so happy
Hey, just wondered how much support everyone has from their husband. I would say my husband may be scared for me because of the risks of surgery. He told me last night that we could go on a diet together and we would get rid of all the junk food in the house, 
he is a junk food junkie. He doesn't talk about my surgery and it is making me a little nervous. I am so close to my date and any doubts I may have at this time is not good. Any comments appreciated, thanks!!!
Brenda
he is a junk food junkie. He doesn't talk about my surgery and it is making me a little nervous. I am so close to my date and any doubts I may have at this time is not good. Any comments appreciated, thanks!!!Brenda
Brenda
My husband is very supportive, and I believe it is so important to your outlook and confidence. He wants to go to all the appointments. Met with my surgeon and anesthesia team yesterday as my surgery is Dec.8th. So he was asking them questions and sooo interested. It made me feel great. Maybe, if not already, your husband needs to talk to the surgeon. Yes, there may be complications, but probably not. Tell him your health will be so much better for you and for him. So keep on trucking and good luck!!
KathyG
My husband is very supportive, and I believe it is so important to your outlook and confidence. He wants to go to all the appointments. Met with my surgeon and anesthesia team yesterday as my surgery is Dec.8th. So he was asking them questions and sooo interested. It made me feel great. Maybe, if not already, your husband needs to talk to the surgeon. Yes, there may be complications, but probably not. Tell him your health will be so much better for you and for him. So keep on trucking and good luck!!
KathyG
Kathy,
You are very lucky to have such support. I have been through a lot of surgeries and I am sure that is part of my dh's problem but I also think he is going to be a little jealous of the attention I may get from other guys. He will be okay once I am doing well! Thanks for the comment! Have a nice turkey day!
Brenda
You are very lucky to have such support. I have been through a lot of surgeries and I am sure that is part of my dh's problem but I also think he is going to be a little jealous of the attention I may get from other guys. He will be okay once I am doing well! Thanks for the comment! Have a nice turkey day!
Brenda
my significant other is nervous for me....and is supportive, but...now there is a big but !!! I do believe he may be jealous and he really is not that much over weight, he weighs in at about 225 lbs and is 5'10, he could lose some around the belly but he doesnt look big at all, he is active and he does go to the gym, but if there is ever that time when you just need that alone time and maybe want to go by your self...all of a sudden I am interfering with what he wants to do and all of a sidden he is saying that he is over weight, and I am interfering with his gym time so I end up staying home and he goes, sometimes we bring the little ones to the gym for the day care and sometimes my 15 or 18 year old will watch them, but it is not up to them to babysit they are my children not theirs. So to make this long story short, I think I get more support from all of you, I do get some but honestly I dont think it is much, I feel like he sometimes purposely does not come home right from work so I am able to exercise without kids, but on the other hand he says he stands behind whatever decision I make.
@-(------ Michelle
Michelle,
Thanks for the comment. I think my husband has the jealousy thing going on also. He is standing behind my decision as well, it is the worry thing. I am so determined to have this surgery that nothing will stop me. I also have friends that think I should not have it done, but that is okay because some of my friends and family are very supportive! I really think that once the surgery is over and I have recuperated that he will be okay, As I said before I really believe that it is the thought of the surgery that makes him worry. I have had a few major surgeries and he has taken care of me and stayed in the hospital with me, so it will be fine in the end!!!
Thanks for the comment. I think my husband has the jealousy thing going on also. He is standing behind my decision as well, it is the worry thing. I am so determined to have this surgery that nothing will stop me. I also have friends that think I should not have it done, but that is okay because some of my friends and family are very supportive! I really think that once the surgery is over and I have recuperated that he will be okay, As I said before I really believe that it is the thought of the surgery that makes him worry. I have had a few major surgeries and he has taken care of me and stayed in the hospital with me, so it will be fine in the end!!!
My husband hadn't been all that supportive until the last few weeks when I started talking about it more. I would talk about my protein intake and vitamins and things I learned on this board, and he eventually started asking questions. I realized he didn't understand what was happening. He'd gone on the first appointment and met the surgeon, but that was so long ago. Now, he asks questions to be informed and follows me around with a bottle of water reminding me to drink. I am pre-op and am scheduled for Monday morning, currently on liquids only.
He's committed to staying with me the day of surgery, even overnight and taking care of me the few days after I come home. I believe he could be more informed but he'll have to figure that out on his own. I learned a long time ago that forcing information on him didn't get me what I wanted, so I just go about taking care of myself and he comes around (or he doesn't) just to be a part of it and what I'm doing.
To be honest, his real concerns were about meal prep. He said, will you still cook dinner? I said I would but not for a month or more, and not until I could eat solid foods again. For a month he said he could figure it out, and then he got excited and thought if he was eating different stuff, he might lose weight, too.
Best of luck to you.
He's committed to staying with me the day of surgery, even overnight and taking care of me the few days after I come home. I believe he could be more informed but he'll have to figure that out on his own. I learned a long time ago that forcing information on him didn't get me what I wanted, so I just go about taking care of myself and he comes around (or he doesn't) just to be a part of it and what I'm doing.
To be honest, his real concerns were about meal prep. He said, will you still cook dinner? I said I would but not for a month or more, and not until I could eat solid foods again. For a month he said he could figure it out, and then he got excited and thought if he was eating different stuff, he might lose weight, too.
Best of luck to you.
I'm pretty lucky because my husband already had the surgery last year so he is very supportive of me. But in the same respect he has basked in the glory for awhile and I know that he is getting a little irritated that when people call they don't ask about him anymore, just me.
Besides talking, is their an open support group that he could go to with you? (For those preop patients). Maybe he needs to see some successes. It is a good thing that he is aware of the risks because they are real, but this is such a good thing that maybe you can work it out with him.
Good luck to you
Christine
Besides talking, is their an open support group that he could go to with you? (For those preop patients). Maybe he needs to see some successes. It is a good thing that he is aware of the risks because they are real, but this is such a good thing that maybe you can work it out with him.
Good luck to you
Christine
My husband is not supportive at all, he seems to be annoyed that I want to do this for me. But I don't think he realizes is that this is the first time in a long time that I am doing something for me. I have 2 small children ages 4 and 2, I am as all mom's do put them first and of course then my husband or in his words its the kids, the dog and then him. Anyway, I wish he would be more interested in the adventure I am taking, I am scheduled for surgery Jan 7, pending ins approval. (keeping my fingers crossed)
I have to admit that we have been having problems in our marriage and I hope this isn't the breaking straw, but I can't not do this. If we are mean't to be then we will stay together if not I will need to work on that with my family and my therapist. I think he feels that I have had way to much surgery, but I could not help the other surgeries..I had a 9 1/2 hr spinal surgery in 2007 and a minor 1 hr spinal surgery a month later from that one, then 3 months later I had to have my gallbladder out and I have had 2 sections in the past 4 years. But I can't stand my life the way it is, I need to get this weight off and be more healthy before its too late. I really haven't spoken to any friends about this surgery or family with the exception of my parents and my mom is very supportive, my dad doesn't say a word. My biggest support has come from OH, even though I have just joined. I do have a friend that is 1 yr post op, but she just moved away and we don't see each other often. Its strange that I haven't told even my best friend from high school, we have told each other everything from day 1, I think I haven't mentioned it because she would not approve of it, she too is overweight and has told me that she just doesn't care anymore about her weight and that its just how she is. I can't live like that anymore I need to find the new me, the me that has been trapped in this body for way too long.
I have to admit that we have been having problems in our marriage and I hope this isn't the breaking straw, but I can't not do this. If we are mean't to be then we will stay together if not I will need to work on that with my family and my therapist. I think he feels that I have had way to much surgery, but I could not help the other surgeries..I had a 9 1/2 hr spinal surgery in 2007 and a minor 1 hr spinal surgery a month later from that one, then 3 months later I had to have my gallbladder out and I have had 2 sections in the past 4 years. But I can't stand my life the way it is, I need to get this weight off and be more healthy before its too late. I really haven't spoken to any friends about this surgery or family with the exception of my parents and my mom is very supportive, my dad doesn't say a word. My biggest support has come from OH, even though I have just joined. I do have a friend that is 1 yr post op, but she just moved away and we don't see each other often. Its strange that I haven't told even my best friend from high school, we have told each other everything from day 1, I think I haven't mentioned it because she would not approve of it, she too is overweight and has told me that she just doesn't care anymore about her weight and that its just how she is. I can't live like that anymore I need to find the new me, the me that has been trapped in this body for way too long.
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