IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!
Okay, so I think it has finally happened.......yes, it has......I've gone completely INSANE!!!
So here I am almost nine months out, and down 125 pounds...oh my god, that's a whole freakin' person. I have lost the equivalent of what I should weigh, how crazy is that?!
Anyway, here's why I think I'm losing my mind....I think I am developing a major fear of food. I am becoming absolutely obsessive about everything. It's getting to the point where I would rather not even eat because I feel like if I have anything over like 3 calories, I'm going to baloon back up to my pre-surgey weight or WORSE!!!
Logically, I know that I should be eating and following the rules, but it is seriously freaking me out. Maybe it's because I still have like 40 pounds to go, and I feel like I'll NEVER get there. My weight loss is ridiculously slooooooooowwwwww right now! For the past 4 weeks, I've been fighting the same 5 bleepin pounds. Ugggghhhhh...This is crazy because in the beginning I was losing way faster than my doc thought I would, but now, absolutely NADA, ZERO, ZIPPO, ZILCH. Big fat freakin goose egg!
Anybody else starting to fear food???
Okay, here's my other issue...my mind has not caught up with the weight loss, not even close. I just cannot wrap my miind around it. I look in the mirror and it just doesn't click. Is that really me? Everybody (even strangers) comment on how how "skinny" "small" or "tiny" I am, and I'm like who the____ are you talking to? Can't be me. When are my brain and body going to connect again? Oh please let it be soon, please, pretty please.
Anybody else starting to feel the madness??? Any words of wisdom from my surgi-siblings?
Oh yeah, THANKS for letting me get that off my chest!
Luv u guys!
So here I am almost nine months out, and down 125 pounds...oh my god, that's a whole freakin' person. I have lost the equivalent of what I should weigh, how crazy is that?!
Anyway, here's why I think I'm losing my mind....I think I am developing a major fear of food. I am becoming absolutely obsessive about everything. It's getting to the point where I would rather not even eat because I feel like if I have anything over like 3 calories, I'm going to baloon back up to my pre-surgey weight or WORSE!!!
Logically, I know that I should be eating and following the rules, but it is seriously freaking me out. Maybe it's because I still have like 40 pounds to go, and I feel like I'll NEVER get there. My weight loss is ridiculously slooooooooowwwwww right now! For the past 4 weeks, I've been fighting the same 5 bleepin pounds. Ugggghhhhh...This is crazy because in the beginning I was losing way faster than my doc thought I would, but now, absolutely NADA, ZERO, ZIPPO, ZILCH. Big fat freakin goose egg!Anybody else starting to fear food???
Okay, here's my other issue...my mind has not caught up with the weight loss, not even close. I just cannot wrap my miind around it. I look in the mirror and it just doesn't click. Is that really me? Everybody (even strangers) comment on how how "skinny" "small" or "tiny" I am, and I'm like who the____ are you talking to? Can't be me. When are my brain and body going to connect again? Oh please let it be soon, please, pretty please.
Anybody else starting to feel the madness??? Any words of wisdom from my surgi-siblings?
Oh yeah, THANKS for letting me get that off my chest!
Luv u guys!
Genesis...hear where you're coming from. Some days I "graze" too much and flip out if I eat like 1100 calories. Other days I barely take in 700. This last 50+ lbs I have to lose will be the death of me. Yes...my brain hasn't caught up to my body. I go into stores all of the time...pick up a size 14 and they look tiny so I'm putting them back and grab a larger size. I'm constantly bringing things back for the size 14 that I should gotten in the first place. Why won't my brain catch on??
Well here it is a little after 4:00 and I've only had 20 calories...definitely not a good way to start the week. I've walked into the kitchen a few times, but just can't bring myself to actually put anything in my mouth. I'm usually in a size 10 jeans now (I carry most of my remaining weight up top....I didn't lose the girls like I expected) and I'm so close to a 6 that I just don't want to blow it. I'm starting to worry that once I do reach goal, I'm still going to have this fear and eventually I'll shrink away into nothingness.
My brain is totally disconnected from my body. Most of the time, I start out in the plus sizes and then have to remind myself to go to the misses department. Once I'm there, I swear nothing is going to fit me and when it does, I'm surprised everytime. Last weekend, my hubby picked out an outfit for me to try on. I looked at it and laughed and told him half of me wouldn't even fit in that. He insisted that it would fit me and pleaded with me to try it on. I was very reluctant, but I finally agreed. I didn't bother to look at the tag because I figured it was a 10 or a 12 as that was what I had been trying on most of the day. I got in the dressing room, just "knowing" it was way too small. It went on fairly easily, got it buttoned, zipped and arragened and OMG it looked actually looked great. So I go out, and show it to him, and get the look of approval. Just as I'm heading back into the dressing room, he says "by the way, that's an 8".
A WHAT???? "an 8"
I said no it's NOT, it CAN'T be (of course frantically looking for the tag). A sales lady that was standing nearby looked our direction, and said to me "yeah, hun, it probably is, they do run a little SMALL"
My brain really needs to figure this body image thing out once and for all!!!
My brain is totally disconnected from my body. Most of the time, I start out in the plus sizes and then have to remind myself to go to the misses department. Once I'm there, I swear nothing is going to fit me and when it does, I'm surprised everytime. Last weekend, my hubby picked out an outfit for me to try on. I looked at it and laughed and told him half of me wouldn't even fit in that. He insisted that it would fit me and pleaded with me to try it on. I was very reluctant, but I finally agreed. I didn't bother to look at the tag because I figured it was a 10 or a 12 as that was what I had been trying on most of the day. I got in the dressing room, just "knowing" it was way too small. It went on fairly easily, got it buttoned, zipped and arragened and OMG it looked actually looked great. So I go out, and show it to him, and get the look of approval. Just as I'm heading back into the dressing room, he says "by the way, that's an 8".
A WHAT???? "an 8" I said no it's NOT, it CAN'T be (of course frantically looking for the tag). A sales lady that was standing nearby looked our direction, and said to me "yeah, hun, it probably is, they do run a little SMALL"
My brain really needs to figure this body image thing out once and for all!!!
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