Wednesday Weekly Weigh-Ins! 4/2/08

Hi there everyone! Happy Wednesday Weigh Day! Ok, so I thought to myself.. what should we talk about this week? What has everyone been struggling with? Of course we all have our food demons/emotional eating problems and it seems to be haunting us more now that we are further than 1 year out. Actually we are gonna be approaching 18 months out here soon, how crazy is that? Time really does fly doesn't it? Wow... so I decided since I was WAY and when I say *WAY* out of control in december-february of this past year going into this year, I would tell you exactly what I did to finally pull in the reigns and get back on track. Life was a whirlwind for me those months (still busy but not like that) and had A LOT of stress, emotional issues and I did NOT work through them properly. I turned to food, I hogged out, not gonna lie. I ate 3k-5k in calories a day for almost 2.5 months. I would have days where I would try to get back on track but it was VERY short-lived. I honestly feared I would never see the light again and I was doomed to return to a life of obesity. I gained two dress pant sizes and 12 lbs on the scale, which I know is not HUGE considering HOW LONG I overate, I assume I was still malabsorbing (actually I know I was. I won't get into detail on that one!) and that helped me but going through that experience was a big eye opener for me. I went from eating so clean to completely falling off the horse. I did a complete 180 and returned to preop lifestyle. So anyways, I am not looking for pity or anything like that. I want to be honest with you, let you know that if you do get off track you *CAN* get back on the path of of a healthy lifestyle post RNY again and the weight will come back off. This is what I did.. it wasn't easy getting back to where I am now.. it took many times of falling off to finally get back here.. 1) I got real with myself. I owned my actions. I put my VERY personal business, all my dirty laundry, on my blog. I admitted my failure, it was very hard. I don't like people seeing me less than "perfect", a BAD trait I inherited from my family. I have been told that I need to lose the "all or nothing/black or white" mentality from my therapist.. she is so right. 2) I started logging my food intake again, even if it wasn't GOOD, it was on paper for me to see, no denying what I was putting in my mouth. Every last crumb got recorded. 3) I prayed about it. I needed God to help see me through this.. without him nothing is possible. (My personal belief here). 4) I purchased books, I spent hours in Barnes and Noble reading about food addiction, cognitive/beahavioral therapies about food addiction and how we can change it. Again, I will say it for the hundreth time.. "The Beck Diet Solution" Purchase * it * Today. 5) Judith Beck recommended in her book to get a "Diet Coach" I sought the help of a friend who I felt would understand my problems as she also was struggling much in the same way as I and our journies are similar.. both getting down to a size 4 and having people roll their eyes at us when we said we gained 10-15 lbs. Its a big deal on a person who weighs 130-140 lbs to gain that much weight, its 10% of your body weight. I used to hate the skinny people who complained about gaining 10 lbs.. but now I do understand that gaining 10 lbs on a 130 lbs body is as bad as a person weighing 300+ lbs gaining 40 lbs.. does that make sense? She has been awesome and has kept me honest with myself. We write daily, more than once a daily via email, we instant message each other and call once a week. We really have been crucial in our journey of staying on track together. I highly recommend this route! Also, I have to say thanks to Molly, although she isn't my "coach" she might as well by my cocoach if you will.. she listens to me scabble a lot and has never judged me. Thank you Molly for all the support and hugs. Also to this board for understanding me even in my darkest moments, support is so important to have! Love you guys! 6) I got back into the gym.. I had totally stopped exercising. I became very lazy. I realized quickly though if I went to the gym, the endorphins pour out of ya and you do not WANT to sabotage yourself with food b/c u worked so hard to push yourself at the gym.. it only makes sense. I also started really focusing on muscle building so I can be a better food/calorie burner even at rest. 7) I took up hobbies to keep myself busy. I am scrapbooking, reading fiction novels, got a part time job in a floral shop. I stay busy on purpose.. I have to. Find things that you love that spark your creativity and make you feel good about yourself. Keep your hands busy!!! 8) I found I needed something to help me through the hardest parts when breaking the carb demon cycle.. A friend of mine on the RNY board, Amy W, helped me more than she even knows. She knew I was struggling. The next thing I know I have 8th Sin Coffee in decaff in various flavors delivered to my house, vitamuffins in a sampler pack straight from the company itself and a very well thought out gift basket with all good for me goodies. I had NO reason at that point to veer off track. I had everything I needed to focus.. so Amy, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Find coffees, teas, things that make you go yummmmm and sooth that tummy when it wants to snack, warm things do this for me! Also find healthy alternatives.. you like chocolate you say? Get some SF fudgesickles, puddings, make pancakes, or purchase vitamuffins or drink a SF mocha latte, there are ways to do this and not go for real sugar! (Again, during this escapade I found I dumped and had terrible low blood sugar attacks.. thank goodness for RNY keeping me in line! I am blessed for that even if I didn't feel I was at the time!) 9) Get therapy.. gosh I do not know what I would do without my therapist. I was seeing her once a month, I bumped it to twice a month. She taught me the importance of losing the perfectionist, all or nothing thinking, realizing and reframing my negative thoughts, seeing the important strides I had taken and all my accomplishments also. She also taught me to meditate, journal, destress and take time out for *me*. So important. 10) I got on medication. Yes, zoloft kicked off my whole problem with eating.. it was bad. I am now on a good dose of wellbutrin and I can say 200% it has helped me, I am much calmer now a days.. I was very upset to admit I needed help and go to the doc and ask for medication and now I am so glad I did. 11) Find ways to deal with stress at the moment it happens. FACE the feelings.. its hard but we must do this. I think many of us turned to food to numb and hide the pain. Time to get real, let the tears flow.. its ok.. I turn on music or go read, drink some warm tea/coffee.. it helps me a lot. Ok.. are your eyes crossed? Tell me if you fall off the wagon how you reframe, regroup and get back on track? I would love to know! On with the numbers.. HW: 328 SW: 280 LW: 139.4 CW: 134.2 (yeehaw!) Lowest weight was 131.6.. I am gonna get there. How are you doing? Please share with us.. I want to hear! thanks for listening to me today.. you guys are terrific!

By the way.. My diet coach is Britt from the november board, I wanted to give her a shout out and say THANKS, I love you and you have no idea how much you have helped me. 12) I also removed all negative people from my life.. I decided I would no long be friends nor associate with other people who bring me down.. I removed the toxins if you will. wasn't easy but had to make a stand and say "this is for me!" 13) Also, at support group I came clean with my issues, (gulp) during my big presentation last month. I was gonna include this in my original post and forgot. To look at 30 people and have this handy dandy WLS guide and pass it out to them but yet tell them that I had faultered and fell on my face for a long time.. it was one of the HARDEST things I have ever done but it was good for my soul. Ok, I am really done now! *hugs*

Melissa! What a great post!!! It truly shows that you can fall off track and *if you want it bad enough* get back on track! We are all human. We live and we learn. Now, we both know it is NOT that easy to just "get back on track" - IT IS SO HARD! But *we* all have the power to do it!!! Truth is .... you are far better off staying *on board* (trust me) but KNOW that if you do fall off YOU CAN GET BACK ON TRACK. (Lesson learned !) Hi December '06 board Sorry to chime on on your board! but .... just have to say Melissa talks so highly of all of you ... I can tell you all have are a close-knit group *****ally care and support each other Kudos to all of you. Be determined! hugs, Britt

Britt don't be sorry about being here...how about we just adopt you? :0D You are a month further out than us and can be our honorary 'elder'. (don't hit me!) We are such a nice bunch of folks here an no matter whether we have some regain or good losses we always have room for more great people like you. Hugs! Molly

Hi Molly! (((thanks))) for the warm welcome. real cute your ELDER .... ------- your funny Keep on chugging along you are all doing FANTASTIC! hugs, Britt

Thanks Beautiful! You know how much I adore and love you! We have been through many ups and down together! We will continue to I am sure but one thing I do know is that I cherish you as my WLS coach and we can make anything possible together, we are very driven, intelligent, confident strong women who think so much alike its SCARY! You can chime in on this board ANYTIME! This group is my LIFELINE! They will open you with open arms, come here anytime! We are a very loving group and love the company Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for helping me through the rough times and helping me see the light. Even if it gets blurry sometimes, you always help pull me through LOVE YOU!

I give you extreme kudos for posting this and congrats for getting back in control. Unfortunately, I am exactly where you were, but I have not yet figured out how to get back. I have been completely emotional/stress eating. I haven't been to the gym or done any exercise in months. Even when I am eating I know it's emotional, but that is not enough to make me stop. I feel like I have been on the roller coaster to long to get back on track and do not even think I know how to get back. I also know I am still malabsorbing as I am still bouncing between the same 5 pounds. I went for a PS consult a month ago and am waiting for insurance approval. I keep hoping that it will come through and will give the motivation to stick to the plan better. Anyways, here are my numbers: SW:372 LW: 181 CW: 184

Thanks Amy! It wasn't easy but it had to be done. I still fall off the wagon but I get right back on these days if I do.. and I try hard to let those days be far and fewer than before. Sometimes it just is hard to stop. I hope your PS gives you approval, that would be so awesome! I will pray for you! Get that boo****ep mentioning, its worth every cent.. The Beck Diet Solution

Mel...kudos to you for pulling in the reigns and getting a grip. I have sooo wanted to read the Beck Diet Solution but have not yet...gonna have to get it... maybe from audible then I can listen to it on my ipod! Me...I take one day at a time. Some days I am great, others, not so. Sugar always finds a way to sneak back in. But, it has not taken control like it had pre-op. A piece here or there but not the entire package. When it happens, I just start over right then. I tell myself to suck it up and move on. I do not dwell, no point in regrets they get me nowhere. I just move on. I make my GOOD choices one meal at a time and if I make a NOT SO GOOD choice, so be it, I will make it better next time. I am still soooo afraid that I will wake up one day and this will be IT. That the losses will stop even though I haven't reached that "goal". Then, other days I remember that I have come so very far and if I never reach "goal" weight it will not be the end of the world because I am sooo better off than I was when I started. Back to my mantra.... "One day at a time!" HW: 392 SW: 357 LW: 196 (has been a few weeks since I weighed in) CW: 193

yes girlie.. get that book! Not sure if it is on audible or not, if it is I am purchasing it that way too so I can listen in the car, great idea!!!! If you find this version please please please let me know! Good for you taking one day at a time. I know how it feels to wonder if u will wake up one day and the dream will be over.. you are stil losing well, it may be slower but that is normal for this stage in the game. Keep being true to yourself and the weight will keep coming off. You are right.. one day at a time! Ironically that was the name of my support group lecture.. "surviving WlS, one day at a time" Keep up the good work and have a fabulous weekend! Hugs, Melissa