Does anyone want a 15 yr old boy? Cheap? (Rant)

I need to rant or else I am going to eat something or someone. My son is a good boy - he is usually very polite and respectful, and he does his best to make my life pretty easy. But this weekend he just really stepped in it with me... He has a slight learning problem - don't have a name for it, but it is like dysgraphia (when he reads, he doesn't see the letters or they 'float' off the page) and he is also slightly dyslexic. He was diagnosed as being ADHD of the Inattentive Type (basically he isn't hyper, he's sedentary on the outside and his brain is going 400 mph on the inside) - but medication doesn't help so he isn't medicated. He's also a typical mid-teen and doesn't seem to have one lick of common sense - so he can make any normal person want to pull their eyelashes out. This weekend he comes home with homework and I didn't check it because he said it wasn't that big of a deal - just making note cards. He was supposed to go to tutoring on Saturday (normal for his school) - but my husband let me sleep in and decided to take him to the bus for me. Well, they decide to get McD's for brkfst and miss the bus at the first and second stops - so my hubby just decides he doesn't need to go and brings him home. My son KNEW he needed to go, but chose to let his dad keep him home - hoping I would go along with just getting him out of it by lying to his teacher. I wake to find this out and my son tells me he will probably have detention if I don't write a note saying he was sick. Which I won't do - so he gets upset and starts giving me attitude. I don't tolerate this kind of behavior very well, so it turned into an intense little lecture about choices and consequences - and how he is not going to blame others when he makes a bad choice and is required to pay the consequences for it. For the rest of the day and into Sunday he is impossible and surly - which puts me in a mood too. On Sunday, he is supposed to be working on his homework, and when I check in on him after TWO HOURS, he has only just started his work. Which is frustrating by itself, but doubly so today because we had planned a family outing to a basketball game. Then he tells me that he doesn't have the note cards he needs and could I go get him some - and then help him by writing them out for him? We end up missing the game and I spent an hour with my hubby driving around in the truck having a melt down (I try not to freak out in front of my son), crying and trying to figure out why I have an idiot for a son. ARRRGH!! I don't think I can convey how frustrated I am - I know some of you will read this and think I am totally overeacting to something that is typical and I should just suck it up. I would tend to agree - but I have played this particular scenario out for the last ten years in one form or another and I am sick of it. And I resent my pouch and this surgery because I cannot seem to find a way besides eating that will ease the tension I feel towards my son. Which, writing that out right now makes it sound so silly and stupid... but it's the way I feel!!! And I don't like him right now - I just want to strangle him! I love him - deeply - but I just think he is being an idiot right now and if I could I would send him away. His father thinks we should probably try some type of negative reinforcement - which I have always said no to, but I am begining to think he is right. Men learn and grow differently than women - and the approach one would use with girls probably wouldn't have the same effectiveness on boys. Anyway - I just needed to get this out of my system - I need to focus on work right now and this is eating at me (no pun intended). I'm gonna go and fix a piece of popcorn cake and some peanut butter right now - and then go make my rounds on the plant floor.... Thanks for listening - and sorry for ranting Kerdeeya

I'll take your 15 YO boy and raise you a 13 YO girl! Now I know why my mother said she needed valium to survive my sister and my teen years! I don't know how she did it with 2 girls in the house! I have know advice but thought I would let you know that you are not alone....one day at a time, hell, one hour or minute at a time!

Bless you! I actually went and apologized to my mom for being such a snit at 15 - but because my son isn't that way, I guess I get blind-sided when he messes up. Oh well - I think I will try the one minute at a time for now!

Kerdeeya, wish i had some answers for you but then if I did I'd be using them on my 13 yr. old son! At least he isn't as bad as his sister was in her teen years but he observed her behaviours and sometimes tries to pull the same stunts. The difference between him and her is that she was all white-hot blowing-up emotion and he is more of a constant simmer and then big explosion type. When he blows it is baaaaad. But like your son, he is a GOOD kid and doesn't that make it feel awful when we are so mad at them? I have explained to my kids many times over the years that it is completely normal for us to not like each other at times and maybe sometimes we dislike each other so much that we can't find the love in our hearts that we are sure is there somewhere. But it IS always there and because we are all humans we just have to be kind to ourselves when we'd like to strangle our progeny. My daughter went nutz on us about a year after my VBG surgery and at that point I hadn't lost even 80% of my excess weight, was already feeling like a surgery failure and knew I should have had the RNY instead. With no support group and dealing with her issues at home I turned right back to food and began putting the weight right back on so I TOTALLY understand your frustration right now. If I'd been unable to eat back then I suppose I'd have begun drinking instead and really messed up my stomach. This time around with Sam's problems fortunately they aren't as bad but still I want to eat for comfort and now I can't. You are ahead of the situation by knowing what foods you can eat and not doing too badly. I read your other post and really, that isn't so bad. Keep on posting here when you need to vent and remember to keep your pantry stocked with things safe for your snacks, that was a smart move. Hang in there..these tough years don't last forever. Will you promise to remind me of that the next time I need to vent about my teenager? Hugs!!! Molly

I promise to remind you : ) I went to my support group meeting last night and stayed after to talk with the surgeon's nurse and the bariatric nurse from the hospital (they have both become a great support to me along this journey). It was good to just let go of some of my frustration, and get some support. I need to just keep talking and writing I think - it helps to get it out of my head. I love my son and I believe in him; but it just gets so frustrating. I need to find some time this week and spend so quality time with him doing nothing but enjoying his company - so I can remember why it is that I love him so much. Thanks for your support! Kerdeeya

Sorry but I think you need to be upset with your husband for not taking him to school on Saturday. Your son is only 15 and your husband is the responsible adult and should know better than to let him just skip tutoring when he needs it. Beatriz

Oh yeah, I was angry with him too. You're right, he is the adult and he needs to model responsibility and character to our son. Which he knows, but forgets about when it's 6:30 on a Saturday morning and school is a 30 minute drive away, and he hasn't had his coffee yet. He's owned up to that and after seeing me melt down at the end of the day, has realized we need to work on this TOGETHER. Actually, I think he realizes that it's time for a unified, stronger front with our son. Thanks for your candor and your support! Kerdeeya

Hi Kerdeeya, Sounds like a major frustration... hope that things smoothed-out. Ro

With me having no children yet Kerdeeya its hard for me to relate but I have to say you are a strong beautiful and intelligent lady and I can only imagine how hard this must be with stress, food the surgery etc.. I hope you can find some way to relax when the tension is high.. read a book, take a bath, drink some warm tea or listen to some music.. the days are short and it can be hard to find that time but I think we all need our "me" time.. sounds frustrating having teenagers by the looks of all the responses here.. looks like I have some fun times ahead in decade or two So good to see your face and I hope things smooth over soon.. hang in there! Many hugs your way! Melissa

Thanks for the support (((hugs))) I think that, because he is my own flesh and blood, I have placed an unrealistic expectation on him. I want him to just realize that he needs to be responsible and have common sense. If I were dealing with anyone else, I would be a little less demanding and give them room for imperfection. I have realized just how self-righteous I can be with him sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't need to help him grow up; but when he screws up, I need to afford him the same amount of grace I would want if I had done the same thing. Which, in some instances, gets EXHAUSTING - and it's just easier to freak out and not deal with the problem. Can you tell I am calmer now ; ) It is so good to have this place - and I appreciate all of you so much!!! Kerdeeya