OT...Scared for my baby

My son came home from junior high today with a note from the school, hastily printed out to distribute to all the students, to notify parents that a student was removed from school for being in possession of a gun on school property. The gun was allegedly brought to school to kill another student. Gulp. The student in question is a friend of my son and the boys have been in each other's home many times over the past few years. Thi****s literally *too* close to home. My son is nearly 14 and far too grown-up for his mama to wrap her arms around but that is all I can think of doing...I want so badly to protect him and know I can't. And mixed emotions! I am so angry at that kid, heartsick for his parents, frightened at the thought of any possible retaliation towards my son (he had been trying to be an intermediary between the two boys), sad for the thought of this boy has to go through now, happy that my baby is home under my own roof safe and sound...there's just so much!!! Guess I will just have to watch the local news tonight to see what the school district has to say about all this and be prayerfull watchful to see what happens next between the boys. Thanks for letting me vent, I can't voice these concerns to my husband. He's never liked this boy and I've felt sorry for him for a long time. He's always been a troubled young fella. Molly

Hi Molly, That is very unsettling. I have a 3 yr old son and a 16 yr old daughter so I completely understand you wanting to just wrap him up in your arms and protect him. Keep praying for him and for his friend, the friend really needs some support now, especially if he is troubled. He may not get the love and care and attention he needs at home and appears to be crying out for some help. As parents, its so hard to make sure we are doing the right things with our kids and to make sure that we have the balance in our home lives to make them successful and productive. Hugs to you, I know this is hard but your son will be fine and this other kid will hopefully get the help he needs. Angela

Thank you so much, Angela. I really hope that this cry for help will end up with him getting help, too. He has such wonderful potential. I'm really grateful that my son came to us to discuss this as soon as he got home from school, he's a good kid. Sounds like it is going to be a tough few weeks ahead for the kids in his social group. Molly

Molly How scary. I can not imagine how you feel. We all think it will happen somewhere else but honestly we DO NOT KNOW I also have a 14 year old and it was so much nicer when they were little and with us ALL the time. We have to let them grow up but we want to protect them. Big Hugs Diana

Thank you, Diana. This sure is just one of those situations you think will happen somewhere else. We live in a really average neighbhorhood and the boys all hang out together and act pretty goofy still...not the way you think of tough, mean teenagers. Sometimes I think they are more like 8 year olds than 13 and 14. Things are a lot scarier feeling tonight. Thank you for the hugs! Molly

OMG! Seriously! You have every right to be upset and frightened. I asked my DH to chime-in. We thought that the following might help: Give Sam a bunch of hugs and listen to anything that he has to say. You'll find out a lot more by doing just that... there's always more that our kids are afraid to overwhelm us with... Go for a long errand in the car with Sam to maximize getting info through listening... Do you know an officer from a nearby town who can give you some insight on common behaviors that follow an incident like this? Is there any chance of a "transference" issue, as Sam seems involved in a "triangle" situation? You know your DH best, but chances are that he has a very interesting "take" on the situation, since he had a gut feeling about the boy. Once you get passed the "I told you so..." , everything is gravy... most of the time. DH may also want to have a heart-to-heart with Sam. Teenagers usually have a "backup" plan, even if it's not a practical one, which can be very dangerous. Sam's friend may feel that he's already in a lot of trouble... so what does he have to lose? Big Problem Right There... Don't want to scare you, Love. I wish that I knew the right thing to say OR that everything would just fix itself... I send my love and hope to you and Sam... Ro

Ro, thank you for the advice. Our roads are too snowy and slick for a long trip tonight but I'm finding plenty of excuses to go downstairs and hang around him plus he's come upstairs a few times to just hang out a bit. I definitely think you have something to consider regarding this backup plan thing. Hopefully this young guy will get some good professional help, undoubtedly this is a terrible nightmare for his family. We certainly have to keep our guard up for the next few months. Who knows what will develop. Talking more with Sam tonight it turns out there were actually four boys involved in this instead of just the three of them so that changes the dymanics of it all. Maybe I can take Sam out for some Christmas shopping tomorrow after school and see what he has to say then. He isn't a really chatty fellow and usually keeps things to himself but like you say, it would be good to give him the opportunity to speak if he so chooses. Times like that when he does I always try to be cool and not pounce on him with a lot of questions so that he feels comfortable talking as long as he wants to. Boys are sure a lot more difficult than girls where discussions are concerned! Molly

Molly it is a very scary world today. I have a12 yr old and worry for her too, especially with high school coming up. Good luck in dealing with everything. Hugs, Erin

Thank you, Erin. This sure got me rattled today. I don't even begin to know how badly Terisa felt when her daughter had been assaulted. This was only just a threat and aimed at another boy but it sure got to me. Our babies just grow up and end up out in the mean old world too, too fast. Molly

Hi Molly, How terrible your son and your family were so close to such violence. Even though it was resolved peacefully such an incident is so scary and really hits home. I am amazed that we bring these "children" into our homes and welcome them, but then we find out the hard way that children do not always have innocent intentions. Even though this was a threat and not a full out assault like was done to my daughter, there was a gun involved and it would have been just as difficult for me to handle. What makes it more difficult is that your son was friends with him and you have had this boy in your home. How scary. All we want to do is raise our children to be happy, healthy, responsible, and safe. It really does not seem to much to ask for, but in this day and age it apparently is not all that easy. I am just thankful this was resolved before someone was hurt. Your son must be going through a huge range of emotions right now. He is fortunate to have a loving and devoted mother. What I can say is that Emily and I got through and survived the violence against her, you and your family will also heal in some time. Know that you will be in my prayers. You have I have had way too mu*****ommon. Terisa