accountability--i'm a complete f--ing moron, feel free to flame me.

so guess who ate nothing but junk yesterday (breakfast--Starbucks cofee, lunch--Wendy's --large chili w/cheese and a side salad, snack at the movies and consumed thoughout the day--large bag of popcorn (at least no butter) plus some sugared cereal/no milk at my ex's place (he has no other food; dinner--a red velvet cupcake and a small hot chocolate at the Dessert Galllery and almost went into some type of sugar-induced come at 6p.m. after enhaling (literary just passed out, you'd think i was drunk or something, except i handle alcohol much better). Oh, and to top it all of, no exercise yesterday either. lesson1--even though i don't dump in a traditional sense, i still felt like crap after that cupcake (nauseated and extremely sleepy). my first cupcake since surgery and my last one for a LONG time). in the future, i will NOT get my own but will take one bite of whoever i'm with. lesson2--just because you are size 2 and your ex-boyfriend tells you you are WAY thinner than Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't mean you can or should eat like him (he never had a weight problem nor did he ever had WLS either. lesson 3--DO NOT revert to this old all or nothing mentality. in other words, if you have some popcorn at the movies, DO NOT say screw it, the day is shot and proceed to eat like a pregnant cow for the rest of the day. lesson 4--just because you are out of town and staying with your ex in Houston for a week, doesn't mean you are allowed to put your normal eating/exercise routine on hold. If you keep doing that, you will NEVER loose those last 10 lbs and get to your goal of 115. Not only that but you WILL re-gain at least some weight at will get super-depressed lesson 5--Now that i've vented i need to snap out of it, "forgive" myself, get some exercise today (i just printed out a guess pass to a 24hour fitness nearby) and eat like a new post-op for a few days to de-tox (i just bought some EAS shakes at CVS). for the next few days, when eating out (which is impossible to avoid since I am hanging out with my ex all week), only order dense protein and/or fresh or steamed veggies. lesson 6: weight myself on the morning of Dec 17th, after I get home. My weight was 125.0 on the morning of Dec7th, when i flew out. Goal is to be 123 or lower despite yesterday's setback. (oh, and the day before yesterday wasn't the best either, so lesson 7: when you go to a party on Sat. night, it's perfectly o.k. to enjoy a few glasses of wine plus some food. It is STUPID AND IMMATURE to have an apple martini and THAN do something like 10 jello shots with some cute guy and another girl--those calories DO add up. at the very least, if you are going to do Jello shots, make sure they are sugar-free jello o.k., gang

Natalie: You are honest, accountable, and sound as tho you want to get back on track---I support you in this! Today is a new day, a fresh start, so get moving and let us know how 123 feels!!! Regards, Megan

I like your lesson plan and i thank you for your insight. lesson 3:DO NOT revert to this old all or nothing mentality. in other words, if you have some popcorn at the movies, DO NOT say screw it, the day is shot and proceed to eat like a pregnant cow for the rest of the day. I wil have to remember that next time ---i went to the movies on Saturday....

I assume that I'm the only one who's focusing on the "some sugared cereal/no milk at my ex's place" comment... ...Breakfast-type food at the Ex's place??? Now I need details!!! Your friend, the only male of the group, S

on, baby, you always focus on just the right things i'm not surprised, i was always a guys' girl my best friends were frequently guys (gay or straight) and my romantic interests were ALWAYS guys. anyway, i'm staying w/my ex for a week (he lives in houston i live in the greater philly area). we are NOT back together but her does take me on all-expense paid Greek vacations and he does fly me to houston under various excuses (this one is that he can't handle his caseload and need another attorney to help him out for a week...did i mention he offers the Bahamas and Cancum trips in between.) now i can can it's all about my sparkling personality ot i can be honest and say that when he met me about 4 years ago i was a size 4 and skinny and hot. then through our turbulent relationship i got as heavy as size 16 and he started treating me like **** after i reached size 8. as of right now, i am size 0-2 and, guess what a ******g coincidence?--he became so super nice and is taking me to Greece and flying me to Houston. basically he has his redeeming qualities but can also be a complete ********o i'm not sure i want him back long term. my problem is that i thought i could not do any better than him for so long, i almost started to believe it. we'll probably always be friends with or without benefits and, until i find someone better, i have no reservations about having a good time w/him. BUT i'm definetely keeping my options open anyway, i need more of a life at my new location (i just move to philly from tx a couple of months ago), more friends, more guys to date (too bad i'm so freaking picky) and more friends (male or female) to talk to about how tough it is for us single hot women in our early 30s

No Flame Zone HeHeHe Hi, Natalie! Sounds like you are venturing out into the world and have learned some valuable lessons; not all very pleasant ones though. Thanks for sharing and being so honest. I've heard that cupcake icing is a Killer! Glad that your feeling better and trying to "reform" from the DARK SIDE! Follow the FORCE...LUKE! You've made great progress SOOOOO Keep It Up! Be a glowing Success!!! Now, I do have to ask... You have a NEW life, but "Ex's"???? What is going on???? Here's my take for Lesson 8: Get some NEW guyS for the NEW You!!!! You're just too HOT not to live it up! Ro

Great lessons. Now, get up, dust yourself and move on. The past is behind, the future is unknown, great things can happen.

Love that Beatriz... great way of putting it!

Natalie.. can I just say I love the fact that you are being "transparent" with you actions and being real about them by posting this? This is great.. means you are accountable and you are taking ownership for it. I do this also as you know.. I just lay it out there.. for me its part of owning up to what I am doing that is wrong. You know what to do to get back on the horse and I have a feeling as we get further out that we all will fall of it from time to time its how we react that will make the difference.. Don't beat yourself up or punish yourself (we have talked about this before) just get back on the horse and you will be just fine. I myself am finding when I am tired that I want to eat eat eat.. when I get off work on Mondays I do not like to go to bed right away many times. I get my grocery shopping done, come home put that away, do the dishes, start the laundry etc.. kinda my wind down time if you will but I am RAVENOUS.. sigh. It's definently something to do with me being tired. I end up eating 1/2 my days calories before I go to bed but then when I wake up I am not near as hungry.. so its averages out. I have days where I am just so hungry and others I could care less about eating.. its so strange but I try to roll with it. Hang in there.. tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day and you will be fine. You have done great so far and will continue to do so and we are here to support you 100% of the way hun. *HUGS*

Thanks, sweetie yesterday and today i went to the gym in the morning and also have been good about food (well, far from perfect but did stay at around 1200-1400 cals with good protein intake and nothing as nutritionally horrible as cupcakes)