DON'T let this happen to you- Update (long)
Good morning everyone. I finally have a few minutes to pop in, so I'm here to update AND lecture, and share some things that I've learned.
#1- CONGRATS to ALL December babies!! You've all come so far in a year...be kind to yourself. 
#2- Things are a little better here on the home front. I know I said I'd explain, so I'm sorry it took so long. Here's what happened...
I went into the hospital originally to have ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) done and because of being pregnant, they had to run all sorts of tests, set up monitoring with maternal health, ultrasounds, etc. All of this took about a week before they were able to schedule me for my first treatment. During that time, I had no depression, no real anxiety attacks, no crying spells, and I was sleeping at night. (as well as any pregnant woman could who is in a hospital where they check on you every hour) The ONLY time that I noticed a difference is when I would deal with some issue on the homefront. Therefore, I asked to NOT have the treatment done, and perhaps be allowed to seek stress management and coping skills first, on an out patient basis. To sum it up...I really don't think I was having a bipolar episode, just extremely stressed and in need of a break and a listening ear. I'm still stressed, but I'm getting outpatient therapy at least once a week and it seems to be helping.
#3- Pregnancy is coming along well. I have an ultrasound tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. I'm hoping for gender clarification, so please think "open legs" for me. LOL! Also, baby is really active and the kids are excited. My oldest finally felt the little one move inside me and he TOTALLY freaked out!! "EWWWW...there's actually a living, moving, being inside you!!" I believe were his words. 
And yes, he's experienced this before (3 times) so I don't get the freak out...LOL. I'm back up to 180 lbs, which one could argue is actually quite good considering that's what I weighed at my first OB appt (at 1 month pregnant) and am now 6 months along. HOWEVER, I did end up getting down to a stable 174 lbs during this time. Again, one could argue that was still only 6 lbs gained in 6 months, but the reality is...I gained that in 2 weeks time!! 
Which brings me to my lecture and lessons learned. (I know, FINALLY, right??)
This past month (more specifically last 3 weeks) I have been eating anything and everything I want. I have found I do not dump on high sugar, high fat, and fried foods. At least not while pregnant. I know this because I've been eating them. And regularly, I might add. What's worse is that once I got started, I found I craved them more and more. And more and more, I did eat. It started out innocently enough with birthday cake for my son. Then I baked cookies from the cookie dough I'd frozen a while back. In the course of a week, I ate 6-7 pieces of birthday cake, and AT LEAST 1 1/2 dozen cookies...truthfully, more like 2 dozen. Chinese food...OMGOSH...General Tso's chicken like it was going out of style, and candy bars! And with the good majority of that being empty calories, I'm of course still hungry, my blood sugars are out of whack and I need to eat eat eat, everything else. Most people could say, you're pregnant, that's where the weight came from...BUT they don't know what I have been stuffing into my mouth. So, PLEASE if you find yourself craving things you shouldn't have, find healthy alternatives!! DO NOT TEMPT FATE!!! Oh, did I mention slurpees?? Yep, been drinking those too. These past 3 days, I've really been trying to detox from those things I've readdicted myself to. And it's been hard. At the store...the junk calls to me, and it's just taken tremendous will power. Something I hadn't really been struggling with until I put those things in my mouth again. So please...WALK AWAY. I see how easy it is for someone to gain back every last bit of weight they took off. And it didn't take long to get off track either.
Anyway, that's my novel for today. I'm sorry I didn't respond to everyone's replies to my previous post. I've just been horribly busy and now our entire house is filled with sickos, myself included. Hoping by next week all those with colds will be cured.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. ***hugs to all***
#2- Things are a little better here on the home front. I know I said I'd explain, so I'm sorry it took so long. Here's what happened...
I went into the hospital originally to have ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) done and because of being pregnant, they had to run all sorts of tests, set up monitoring with maternal health, ultrasounds, etc. All of this took about a week before they were able to schedule me for my first treatment. During that time, I had no depression, no real anxiety attacks, no crying spells, and I was sleeping at night. (as well as any pregnant woman could who is in a hospital where they check on you every hour) The ONLY time that I noticed a difference is when I would deal with some issue on the homefront. Therefore, I asked to NOT have the treatment done, and perhaps be allowed to seek stress management and coping skills first, on an out patient basis. To sum it up...I really don't think I was having a bipolar episode, just extremely stressed and in need of a break and a listening ear. I'm still stressed, but I'm getting outpatient therapy at least once a week and it seems to be helping.
#3- Pregnancy is coming along well. I have an ultrasound tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. I'm hoping for gender clarification, so please think "open legs" for me. LOL! Also, baby is really active and the kids are excited. My oldest finally felt the little one move inside me and he TOTALLY freaked out!! "EWWWW...there's actually a living, moving, being inside you!!" I believe were his words. And yes, he's experienced this before (3 times) so I don't get the freak out...LOL. I'm back up to 180 lbs, which one could argue is actually quite good considering that's what I weighed at my first OB appt (at 1 month pregnant) and am now 6 months along. HOWEVER, I did end up getting down to a stable 174 lbs during this time. Again, one could argue that was still only 6 lbs gained in 6 months, but the reality is...I gained that in 2 weeks time!!
Which brings me to my lecture and lessons learned. (I know, FINALLY, right??)
This past month (more specifically last 3 weeks) I have been eating anything and everything I want. I have found I do not dump on high sugar, high fat, and fried foods. At least not while pregnant. I know this because I've been eating them. And regularly, I might add. What's worse is that once I got started, I found I craved them more and more. And more and more, I did eat. It started out innocently enough with birthday cake for my son. Then I baked cookies from the cookie dough I'd frozen a while back. In the course of a week, I ate 6-7 pieces of birthday cake, and AT LEAST 1 1/2 dozen cookies...truthfully, more like 2 dozen. Chinese food...OMGOSH...General Tso's chicken like it was going out of style, and candy bars! And with the good majority of that being empty calories, I'm of course still hungry, my blood sugars are out of whack and I need to eat eat eat, everything else. Most people could say, you're pregnant, that's where the weight came from...BUT they don't know what I have been stuffing into my mouth. So, PLEASE if you find yourself craving things you shouldn't have, find healthy alternatives!! DO NOT TEMPT FATE!!! Oh, did I mention slurpees?? Yep, been drinking those too. These past 3 days, I've really been trying to detox from those things I've readdicted myself to. And it's been hard. At the store...the junk calls to me, and it's just taken tremendous will power. Something I hadn't really been struggling with until I put those things in my mouth again. So please...WALK AWAY. I see how easy it is for someone to gain back every last bit of weight they took off. And it didn't take long to get off track either.
Anyway, that's my novel for today. I'm sorry I didn't respond to everyone's replies to my previous post. I've just been horribly busy and now our entire house is filled with sickos, myself included. Hoping by next week all those with colds will be cured.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. ***hugs to all*** 
Thanks for the update girlie girl! We all have been wondering how you were doing!!!
Glad to hear that you felt you were just "overstressed" with it all and not ending up being your bipolar stuff after all. I am glad you are seeking therapy and getting the help that you need. I am being a therapy pusher myself and it is really helping me to to dig deeper into the issues that caused me to become obese in the first place.. or at least assisted in my choosing food as my outlet to stress.
Praying.. "legs open.. legs open! for tomorrow's ultrasound and how funny about your oldest feeling the baby move.. I honestly cannot even imagine what that feels like but it has to be "odd" and "awesome" at the same time. Someday I hope to experience that sensation 
You will have to keep us updated on how the ultrasound goes tomorrow!
As for the "junk eating". Girl.. I hear you. When they said 1 year out was the hardest, they weren't kidding. It is like I got to goal and let my guard down a couple of times. The other day I just said I will eat what I want b/c I was getting those awful cravings (been skipping my period so never know when I am PMSing.. and no NOT pregnant lol.. poor hubby has been put on hold since I came off BC so this I know for a FACT! lol..) But I can eat often and more in amount than ever and I realized that the other day. I ate all "good for me foods" in essense until I made myself dump at the end of th e day with real chocolate. I talked to a dear friend of mine and she and I talked about how much stress I had over the weekend and the fact that I like to keep the control in life.. when I lose it in many ways (more than 2 areas) I tend to freak out. I can control food though and that is what I did that day.. I just started taking the food and using it to deal with life problems.. so horribly bad. Then its like I made myself dump b/c I *KNEW* it would pain me.. (I do dump and get TERRIBLE stomach cramps when I do it) and sweat and palpitate etc.. I just wanna die.. and then I end up dealing with low blood sugars for hours.. its ridiculous.. and I KNEW this would happen and I still did it! Like I wanted to endure the pain that I knew I would encounter.. talk about "sick" in the head. It was a horrible day for me. Soooo like you I do understand now how easily one COULD gain the weight if they "let go". But do keep in mind that you ARE pregnant, I do agree that you could make better choices than you have.. but u will gain SOME weight with this baby.. as you already know. It is only natural to gain a little but obviously you are still losing "fat" as you haven't gained much to speak of so far, you really have done well with your diet and monitoring things till now.. sounds like you are aware of the issues that confront u with food right now (as am I) and you will make better choices from now on (as will I - are we promising each other? We should..) and we can overcome the food demons that once plagued us into an unhealthy lifestyle. I knew we can! I am very happy to hear you have faced up to this and admitting it here.. it shows all the december kids a few things.. 1) we are not perfect 2) **** happens (sorry for the bluntness) 3) its easy to "outeat" this surgery especially if you do not dump and all of us COULD eat more and more often then before b/c our pouches naturally stretch and become more tolerant of foods over time. 3) Admitting your problems publically is OK!
I want to give you a big hand for sharing this with us today girl.. you have helped me and you have helped others, do know that. You are doing terrific and as I have always said, this journey is 98% mental.. mind over matter. You have realized this and have taken the steps you need to take to get back on the horse.. remember each day is an opportunity to do better.. you are doing great.. congrats to you for your success so far! I am so proud of you..understanding the mental/the root of the problem so that we don't "act inappropriately" as a response is HUGE!
*hugs* Love ya!
You will have to keep us updated on how the ultrasound goes tomorrow!
As for the "junk eating". Girl.. I hear you. When they said 1 year out was the hardest, they weren't kidding. It is like I got to goal and let my guard down a couple of times. The other day I just said I will eat what I want b/c I was getting those awful cravings (been skipping my period so never know when I am PMSing.. and no NOT pregnant lol.. poor hubby has been put on hold since I came off BC so this I know for a FACT! lol..) But I can eat often and more in amount than ever and I realized that the other day. I ate all "good for me foods" in essense until I made myself dump at the end of th e day with real chocolate. I talked to a dear friend of mine and she and I talked about how much stress I had over the weekend and the fact that I like to keep the control in life.. when I lose it in many ways (more than 2 areas) I tend to freak out. I can control food though and that is what I did that day.. I just started taking the food and using it to deal with life problems.. so horribly bad. Then its like I made myself dump b/c I *KNEW* it would pain me.. (I do dump and get TERRIBLE stomach cramps when I do it) and sweat and palpitate etc.. I just wanna die.. and then I end up dealing with low blood sugars for hours.. its ridiculous.. and I KNEW this would happen and I still did it! Like I wanted to endure the pain that I knew I would encounter.. talk about "sick" in the head. It was a horrible day for me. Soooo like you I do understand now how easily one COULD gain the weight if they "let go". But do keep in mind that you ARE pregnant, I do agree that you could make better choices than you have.. but u will gain SOME weight with this baby.. as you already know. It is only natural to gain a little but obviously you are still losing "fat" as you haven't gained much to speak of so far, you really have done well with your diet and monitoring things till now.. sounds like you are aware of the issues that confront u with food right now (as am I) and you will make better choices from now on (as will I - are we promising each other? We should..) and we can overcome the food demons that once plagued us into an unhealthy lifestyle. I knew we can! I am very happy to hear you have faced up to this and admitting it here.. it shows all the december kids a few things.. 1) we are not perfect 2) **** happens (sorry for the bluntness) 3) its easy to "outeat" this surgery especially if you do not dump and all of us COULD eat more and more often then before b/c our pouches naturally stretch and become more tolerant of foods over time. 3) Admitting your problems publically is OK!
I want to give you a big hand for sharing this with us today girl.. you have helped me and you have helped others, do know that. You are doing terrific and as I have always said, this journey is 98% mental.. mind over matter. You have realized this and have taken the steps you need to take to get back on the horse.. remember each day is an opportunity to do better.. you are doing great.. congrats to you for your success so far! I am so proud of you..understanding the mental/the root of the problem so that we don't "act inappropriately" as a response is HUGE!
*hugs* Love ya! 
Shawn, congratulations on being home and not having to have the ECT! I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with the after-effects of stress eating but you were very brave and wise to own up to it and begin to deal with it. We all have to face these very same temptations now at one year out. It would be so easy to go back to old eating habits but we are all here for each other and when one of us has a bad day we know we can come here and vent about it or whatever.
As for your gain, I really don't remember the timetables of when a woman's body produces what fluids etc during pregnancy that account for the typical weight gain. I know there is the increase in blood, the weight of the amnio fluid, placenta..baby, etc as well as maternal fat stores. Maybe this two-week gain that has surprised you is just your body catching up to some of those pre-programmed things.
Hope that your household of sickos will be feeling better soon, that isn't any fun to deal with! I'll be sending you positive thoughts and prayers tomorrow for your ultrasound. Can't wait to find out what the little one is hiding in there!
Hugs!!!
Molly
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