Major WOW Moment!!

I am 11 months out from surgery and have lost 145 pounds so far (I am 51 years old, 5' 6" and originally weighed 368...now I'm at 223, and still losing, but very slowly). All this time, I have been sort of floating along, working hard at protein, water, vitamins, exercise, etc., accepting compliments from people on how I look, and working hard to be healthy, etc. I've also had a hard time accepting, in my head, that I am a lot smaller now. I still look at smaller sizes of clothes and think "Oh, I'll never get into that, it's way too small for me." Then I try it on anyway, and it fits, and it's just so weird. But this whole experience, and what it really means, never really sank in until just the other day. The other day I was at Macy's, just going there to pay my monthly bill. I happened to be on the second floor, and after paying the bill, I had some time to kill, so I just started wandering around. For anyone who doesn't know Macy's, the second floor is usually reserved for "normal" sizes, and petites. The third floor has all the larger sizes that I was used to for so many years (and for a while, I was even too big for that!). I had never been on the second floor, ever. So I wandered around, not even thinking of buying anything, because, you know, this was not "my size floor". Then I found an area that had some nice-looking tops, and I stopped to just look at them for fun. To my surprise, I found that the tops went all the way up to size XL, which I thought was maybe a size 18. I held it up to me, wondering whether it might fit. It looked like it would. In fact, it looked like it might be a little big. I started to think, "Gee, maybe I ought to just try it on?" And then it hit me. I suddenly realized where I was, and what I was doing. I was on the SECOND FLOOR of Macy's, where all the "normal" women shopped. No one was staring at me like I didn't belong there. I was about to do something that I had dreamed of doing my entire life, and couldn't, until that moment...buy something off the rack in a "normal" size range. This enormous feeling welled up inside me from my abdomen up into my throat. I started sobbing right there, next to the fitting rooms. I had to sit down. It took me 20 minutes to stop crying and calm myself. I can only describe the event as a catharsis; a mixture of sadness for all the years I spent being morbidly obese, and at the same time sheer joy for arriving at that moment. So whenever someone asks me now, "Was it worth it?" I have a totally new, heart-felt emotion behind my words when I respond, "Without question." Oh, and by the way, I bought the top. In a perfectly-fitting size L. And even if that top, years from now, becomes ratty and old and decrepit, I will never throw it away. It will forever remain my icon, my symbol, of pure freedom. I lift my imaginary glass to all of us out there, fighting this fight, and say: Here's to you and me. We are conquering the mountain. Debra

THIS IS IT!!! Your writing here! THIS is what it's all about! I was touched and as I read your words, I FELT each and every feeling that you described. The shiver went up my spine from bottom to top. We can all say, "That's ME!!!" And even if we have not yet said it, we can say we're on our way to saying it. So I thank you for reminding us all, all of us *****ad this, what this is all about. We're here doing all this, going through all the pain, taking all the extra-ordinary efforts, watching every bite, taking one more step or stride or lift or stroke than we did yesterday. We do all this so that we can have the moment that you've just described. Thank you for bringing us back to that. And now we re-dedicate ourselves. Now we focus again. And once more into the breach we go - fighting the good fight to bring each of us individually and as a group, to THIS MOMENT! Thank you, Debra... Thank you for this. Steve

Congratulations Debra, that was a beautiful post and just like Steve said, you could feel the emotion when you posted. I loved it. You are very inspiring!!! Keep on inspiring, reach for your dreams, the sky is the limit my friend! *hugs* thanks for sharing this with us today!

That was a GREAT post. You are doing WONDEFUL. I wish I could have been there to give you a great big hug

Debra, That was awesome, and so are you. I have re-read your moment about five times, and of course I teared up alll five times...feel like I was right there with you! I am so happy for you... for all of us...we have come so far and should be so proud of ourselves. And love ourselves enough to keep up the good work because we deserve to be this happy with ourselves. See you on the second floor... Rebecca

Sending you a great big hug, both for comfort and congrats!!! I'm still waiting for "MY" moment, which will come soon enough I'm sure. While I was surprised that I was able to buy large pants, the fact that they were maternity kind of overshadowed that "victory". Congrats again, may you have MANY more wow moments come your way...and often.

Debra: Rock on! Couldn't have said it better myself......what a neat experience for you. I am finding all sorts of departments in stores I didn't know existed, and I STILL go into the Plus Sizes depts without thinking if I am rushed or not thinking about it.....and I now wear a medium and 8/10....so yeah, YOU ARE THERE!!!! Maybe eventually our brains will catch up to our minds!!!! Best, Megan

That happened to me in the MACY's as well......it was when i graduated from a size 20-something to a size that started with a "1"---i sobbed in the dressing room. I still feel like I am dreaming when i shop "downstairs" --i just graduated to the pants downstairs from a 14W to a 16 regular and i still cannot get it right in my head......i havent acclimated myself to "that" department. I have to meet new sales people and all --the ladies "upstairs" knew me by name...........no one can understand this unless they have been there--we could describe it to people until we are blue in the face but unless you have been there you can never really understand. Congratulations on your accomplishment! dawn