Is "normal" out of reach?

Okay, I must be in some kind of MOOD today. I talked to an old friend last night and like all my friends who have not seen me in some time she had to ask, "How is your surgery treating you?" Whenever I get asked this question or a similar version I answer it with a general, "Fine" or "Doing Good". Most people don't ask how much I have lost and the one or two that have I dodged the answer. Why? When I got off the phone last night that conversation was all I could think about. I have reached a stage in my weightloss that is confusing. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight...170 from my highest and 135 since my surgery. Everyone around me acts like that is just so great. So, why do I not feel like it is? I read the message boards daily. I see people having surgery now that weigh what I weigh now. I don't feel like I have come too far and I feel like I have so far to go. I don't feel any different. Yes I have more energy, yes I can do more now than before WLS. But, I am still not different. I still weigh 220 pounds. I still feel humungous (sp?). I still have a lot of work to do. So, what the hay? I can't express this to anyone around me. Those friends that express wonder and thrill for me for losing so much are the same ones that I feel would cringe if they knew where I really started from. And, I should feel proud of what I have acomplished but...I really feel disappointed in how much I still have to accomplish. Thanks for letting me vent and please pardon me for being a downer...usually I am the perky one of a group of downers at work.

You are definitely not alone when it comes to disappointment/depression. I have found myself being self sabotaging. I know that I should be happy with all the weight I have lost, but sometimes I feel like I want my old self back. I don't want to dissect every morsel that goes into my mouth, I don't want to be the "one" that had surgery when people talk about me. Add on the fear of failure because I won't reach goal and it's a definite downward spiral. Of course all these thoughts lead to "well I am not going to make it anyways, so I might as well eat that ice cream or candy bar." I wish someone would come up with something to fix our heads too.

Hi, Elaine... Two wonderful things happened to me at 220 LB. My cat finally jumped on my lap and my husband could finally wrap his arms around my waist. I bet that your son has a great time sitting on your lap and can easily give you a love-filled hug. Keep in touch with the December Babes! We know what you are going through. Ro

I am only down 92 pounds since my surgery, but i am down to 157 pounds as of this morning.... WOW! I went shopping and bought size 8 skirts.... i wore a medium shirt to school yesterday ( i am a teacher) and my 8th grade daughter told me i am skinny... however, i still look in the mirror and see a very obese person... i can tell myself i am not, i can see the numbers on the scale, but when push comes to shove, it is still weird.... also, i get the opposite about my loss... people ask me how much i have lost, and how i shouldnt lose any more... that is so frustrating because of the way that i feel.... anyhow... i feel so much better.... that is what is important...

Hi, again! Hope that you are feeling a bit better tonight. I was thinking about your dodging the weight amount question. Most of us have mentioned having one issue or another...family comments, who's in the mirror?...will I fail?...etc. I'd guess that we've all felt some kind of WLS disappointment too. Dodging might protect you from later comments. Not really a bad thing. Maybe it is not time for you to "open-up" to that friend. More importantly, you opened-up to this forum. Now that's a big step. I'm proud of you! (((((BIG HUG)))) Ro

Elaine, I read you post this morning at work and have been thinking about it all day long. I can tell you that I have the same issues too, I see myself as fat eventhough I have lost 120 lbs in less than 9 months and only have 20 lbs to go. It's really hard for us to see ourselves as thin, but you know what, WE ARE, yes we are, and we need to get rid of the negative thoughts and start letting in the positive ones. I have decided to start accepting all compliments as true and genuine and that way I hope to start seeming myself as a beautiful butterfly. Believe in yourselve, if you do, other will too. Take care and start letting in those positive thoughs. Love, Beatriz

Beatriz...Wow!!! Great Answer!!! You made me feel better!!! When my DH gives me a compliment, I sometimes think that he's just being my sweetie. Elaine, I'm ready to "believe". What do you think? Ro

Thanks, everybody! I knew coming here everyone would understand. No one around me does. They think I am just being modest or crabby when I deny the compliments. Of course, some of them don't feel like compliments but more like digs at me. My entire family (minus an uncle) has weight issues. I know on one hand they are excited for me but on the other they don't know what I do on a daily basis to keep my head above water. They ask, they try to understand, but they don't get it. My fault I think. I am not as forthcoming with information as I should be. That is really all they want, information. Sometimes they just say things that rub me wrong. Like, "What can you eat now?" "She might be as big as you." "Do you get to eat that?" Is it just miscommunication all the way around? Their ignorance, my reluctance. I still have that fear of being judged and criticized. Shame. Denial. Can you tell I missed my psych appointment this week? Don't let me do that again! Today is a new day. I feel great! Negativity is like water off a ducks back today! Thank you for being there!