Cannot deal anymore - Long

Ok guys, I just need to vent to someone. I have a teenage daughter. She is almost 17. She has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). I have been struggling with her behavior for several years now. The abuse I suffer from her is endless sometimes. She is so unbelievably disrespectful and completly defiant. I am just at a loss sometimes. She says the most horrible things to me. She even threatens to call the police and tell them lies about my husband so he would get arrested, just to get back at me. Believe me, she has done this before and will do it again. Even in first grade she told her teachers that I would beat her. It did not take long before they figured out she was lying. She does not care why type of attention she gets, she just wants it. She also very much loves sympathy and will do and say anything for people to feel sorry for her. She has even lied about being raped twice. She has been in several fights. One of them she put the other girl in the ER. Each fight she was the aggressor. On one hand she is so sweet, beautiful and funny, at a moments notice she turns into someone evil. Especially if someone tells her no, namely me. My poor husband, her step-dad is so frustrated because he almost has to sit by and watch his wife abused by her own daughter. i have called the police on her several times. When she runs away they do nothing. They said that I have to go down to the detention center and file a warrant for her arrest. Once that is done then they can arrest her if she runs away. Unfortunatly, kids do not run away between the hours of 9-5 during the week. She comes home before I can do anything. The other day the cop told me I was being too hard on her by grounding her. WHAT?!?!? I just sat there and told him, "Do you really think she has respect for you, she is going to cry, play the role of the victim and completly manipulate you and you will fall for it. Of course they did. Nothing happened. Today I got a letter from the school. She missed 25 days of school. She will likely have to retake the previous year again. Even her therapist is very angry with her behavior and has no idea what else to try. I have done individual therapy, inpatient care, psychiatrist, and anger management for group therapy. So for I have spent tons of money and have seen no positive results. I am so tired, severly depressed and feel so hopeless about the whole thing. No idea what else I can do. Also, because I am her mother I am legally responsible for her and what she does. There are no options left. I nearly admitted myself into the hospital the other day because I felt like I was nearing a nervous breakdown. Imagine hearing for hours and hours on end with no break someone yelling at you, swearing at you, calling you names, saying terrible things to you and about you...completly relentless. I had an anxiety attack, which is so rare for me now. I know that no one will have the answers I need, but I just felt like I needed to at least vent. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I know it was long. Terisa

Terisa, My heart goes out to you and your husband. You have dealt with this struggle so long now, wow. We had trouble with our daughter from 14 to 16 (that was the peak of it). She is so much better now and a lovely person. I know like you said there is nothing I can say that will help but at least there are other mothers out there who can partially understand what you are going through. I'm definitely here to listen anytime you need to vent. There aren't any answers but so long as you keep making it through each day you can claim another little victory over this horrible situation. I hope and pray that someday medical science will catch up to understanding the wonders of our brain chemistry and help parents who want only to have their children be happy and healthy. It is very inadequate, but hang in there and consider yourself hugged-- Molly

I am so sorry for your pain from your daughter... Just hang in there And remember you love her or it would not hurt so bad.. One day she will realize she needs you and you will be waiting there with arms open ...... Anita

Terisa, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I do know how difficult it is because my mom went through the same thing with my sister. I just wish I could tell you what to do. My mom had my sister admitted to a mental hospital after she found a "suicide" note. She was advised by someone to do what she did next. When it was time for her to be released, they called my mom to let her know...and she refused to pick her up, as did my dad. Technically it was child abandonment, but it got her into the system she needed to be in had my mom taken her out and waited. There was a 2 year waiting list...mom told the court how she feared for my sister's safety and couldn'****ch her 24/7. They dropped the charges and made my sister a ward of the state. (mom was warned of this process ahead of time) I can't tell you what to do or offer advice...this was the only experience I've had with such a thing. I can however send you hugss.....prayers, and support. I do hope a positive resolution happens quickly for you. Shawn

Terisa, I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. I myself have an almost 12 yr old daughter, she tries to pull off somethings with me and I do not tolerate it at all. She puts on the attitude and I get really stern with her and she backs off. My best friend has son that is like you daughter. He is 17 and doesn't live with her anymore, she almost went off the deep end because of him. So I know of a little of what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care...Erin

Thanks everyone for you well wishes and prayers. I really need them. The last thing I want is to have to go into the hospital again. I do not like it there, but at this point I just don't know how much more I can take. I have tried being stern with her, but for kids with ODD that does not work either. There is basically no treatment or medication for this. It is considered one of the most difficult situations a parent can deal with. There is no sense of responsibility or fear of consequences. The next phase are kids who typically carry weapons and hurt or even kill. That should give you an idea of what I am dealing with. It is so difficult to see her so loving and empathetic one moment and the opposite the next. I used to cherish those moments when she was like that, now I am just so tired even those do not matter and offer little comfort. Her dad will not help either. He used to say, "I've never seen anything like that from her" so he would not try to help. He finally saw it for the first time 2 weeks ago. Now he has cut her out of his life. I cannot believe that I have dealt with this for years and have supported her and loved her every minute. I have taken and paid for numerous professionals and have showed her every day how much I love her. I have always tried to maintain a peaceful, loving Christian home. Her dad gets one glimpse of it and tosses her away truly leaving me 100% to deal with this. We have court next week where she beat a girl so badly she was put in the ER. Part of me is hoping they will put her in the detention center. I feel so bad for thinking that way, but I cannot help it and cannot think of anything else to do.

Hi Terisa - I don't have kids, I cannot imagine what you are going through. All I want to say is my heart goes out to you.. wish I could give you a real hug.. hope a cyber one will do. We are here, keep posting if you need to. I will pray for you and your family.. hang in there.. you are a great mom.

Thanks Melissa for the cyber hug You could stop by and give me that B-12 shot----that would make me feel better. Then I would not have to do it. You know if you want kids I will send my daughter to you...free of charge!

Awww id give ya your shot ;) Now your daughter, wow I think you handle the situation better than I ever could. Id be so lost. Hugs.

I have never heard of this ODD syndrome; however, from the description it sounds like your daughter is schizophrenic, or more commonly "BiPolar." What you describe are some of the more classic and common symptoms that manifest in teenagers. In your rant, you failed to mention if your daughter was taking any medications, or under observance of a psychiatrist. I think for you and your daughters bennifet, you should seek counsel of a psychiatrist for her. It really sounds like your dealing with uncontroled mood swings of a bipolar person, and with medication it can really help her. Just my suggestion, hope it helps.