Post-op Head Games

So I have the surgery; my health is improved. Not only that, my confidence and general attitude are definitely better. Still a little shy, I think from some residual confidence issues, but overall so much better. I'm living my life now, instead of living vicariously through others. In fact, just last weekend I physically showed my daughter how to use a slip-n-slide! I have returned to school and I feel fantastic about LEADING my life. I look in the mirror I see improvement. I don't see perfection, but that's OK because perfection is not what I'm looking for. I watch for changes that will motivate me. I take time to notice them and I enjoy wearing flattering clothes, the freedom of movement and every single "WOW" moment I experience. Those are the things that keep me going. Here's where I seem to have a problem, and I know this is going to sound crazy... but I guess this is part of the post-op head game. If I look in the mirror and I say, "Hey, you look good, you're feeling good and you've come such a long way." that's fine. But why is it when other people say, "Hey you look amazing!" or just *gasp* when they see me, I get very, very uncomfortable. In particular, I get mad with my family, especially my Mother, when they make such a fuss. I literally just cringe inside when anyone says anything overly positive or are overly animated about my progress. I know I have such a long way to go to yet, so I thought, "Well, maybe that's why it bothers me"; since I'm still so far from a healthy goal weight. Of course with my Mother, I figured it was resentment after all those years of telling me how fat I was and how I needed to lose weight. But I really thought I got past that when I learned my weight didn't define who I am as a person. Unless I just don't really believe it in my heart. I see other post-ops who seem to enjoy and just bask in the glory of their success. Make no mistake, I'm extremely glad I had the surgery and got my life back. But in some form I feel like a farce when people say, "What are you doing to lose weight?" and I reply "..eat right and exercise". I don't want to be known as "Donna, that girl who had RNY", so I don't really share it day-to-day. I don't hesitate to share with someone who brings up the option of surgery, but I just don't bring it up as part of casual conversation. I bring this up because I'm going back to NJ to visit my family the end of June, and they haven't seen me since I was 2 weeks post-op -- I've gone from a size 26 to a 16/18, so there is a noticeable physical change.. I love my family and I don't want to hurt their feelings and crush the excitement they feel for me. In a way I don't want to be selfish and say "Hey, don't share your happiness with me, it hurts." Especially when I can't define why it makes me hurt. Sorry to ramble on, but it's on my mind -- this one of the few groups who would remotely understand. Thanks for reading, Donna ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ RNY - 11/15/06 307/227/155 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "If there's magic in fighting battles beyond endurance, it's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you."

It is so hard to know what to do. I hid my surgery from most people except close family. Now that everybody is noticing I do tell them I had surgery. I really don't care what they think anymore because I am happy with my decision and if they aren't who cares. It's my life. I still try to defend it the ones that are like "oh my gosh" or you know that are just shocked that I would do something like that. I had a lady I've known for awhile that told me the other day well I wouldn't do something like that to lose weight. And I really felt I had to defend it. I am a Christian and prayed so hard about this decision that whatever was meant to be let it be and surgery was what was meant to be. So I always feel I have to back it up with that. But it is the truth so if they don't like it then oh well. I just feel they are somewhat jealous anyway. I had my husband's family reunion this weekend and everybody was just so happy for me and my decision. They kept telling me so much how good I looked and just on and on. And I knew it was going to happen but it was making me think did I look that bad before. I don't know and now I've kind of been going back to old habits. This always happened before with diets and as soon as people started noticing I would get comfortable and stop doing what I needed to lose weight. I can't let this happen again I am enjoying my life so much more now. I went to a public swimming pool for the first time in 15 years and didn't wear a tshirt. I am wearing shorts again in public. I am so amazed with this that I just don't care what people think anymore I am loving it!! Anyway I know how you feel about oh that's the girl who had RNY. I think about that but you know what we only live once and they are always going to say something about us so I'd rather be known as the girl who had RNY to lose weight than to have to be the girl who is so fat. I just don't want to ever be known as the girl who had RNY and look she gained all her weight back!!!! So we just need to concentrate on doing what we are suppose to be doing and forget about what other's say!!! Good luck to you!! Kristina

I feel ya hun. I keep getting told by family and co-workers how great I look. I feel that if someone comes in the room and says "hey skinny" one more time I will be posting from a secured prison website next time . I know they are all trying to be nice and all but I do not see what they see. I know that I have lost weight but I still see the big me and I am not at a point where I am happy with myself yet. When I get compliments it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward and when I say that I don't see it I get chewed out. What a roller coaster heh. Funny thing is I fit in a 14 pant now but I still wear my 24 pants with a belt. I guess the mental part of this process is alot more important than I considered in the beginning. Hope you have a great visit and keep your head up. Brina

Brina.......go to the thrift store and get some new clothes. Girl you are doing great. I know this is OT but dang....get rid of those 24's. I too still see the fat woman in the mirror, but I have been in a lot of pictures this past week. I went camping and a friend had her digital camera. I am finally starting to see the difference. Take some pictures. When someone told me to do that, I thought why? I still am fat. But seeing all the pictures from the campout.....was a WOW moment for me. Sorry I highjacked the thread. Take care. Corinn

I'm going through the exact same thing.. the other night we went to a party and a "friend" who has known me for 8 years hadn't seen me in months, and said "Wow - you look just like a normal person now." She then proceeded to tell everyone at the table we were sitting at that I had WLS. Sometimes it feels like I have "WLS Patient" tattooed on my forehead. While I am enjoying the personal satisfaction of buying smaller clothes and looking in the mirror, and of course feeling physically better/healthier, it really is a different ballgame when the attention is coming from other people. Every time we have a social event, I have to mentally gear myself up for the attention I'm going to get. I think that many of us (and I include myself) used our weight as a barrier.. it protected us and kept us at a distance from others. It allowed us to blend into the background, rarely being "noticed" for our looks unless in a negative context. Now, we are losing our protective layers month by month, and when we receive attention (good or bad) it i****ting us harder, because it gets straight through to our hearts and minds. I look forward to the day when I am at goal, and have maintained it for long enough that people stop talking about it. But, as difficult as it is for me to accept the attention, I often take a deep breath and remind myself that the majority of my loved ones (with the exception of the aforementioned "friend" above) really have my best interests at heart, and are genuinely happy for me. They are trying to be encouraging and uplifting when they praise my appearance. I have to work on the acceptance and belief of that praise from others. I think it's just one more part of the journey. Thank you for posting - it is really nice to feel that I'm not alone and that others are experiencing the same kinds of things. Jamie Monostori Surgery 12/19/06 - 75 lbs lost to date