How do you break the news?

I have wondered about the samething, but I finally made a decision that I was not going to worry so much about it. I haven't come out and announced it, but I have a close friend who is having a bypass and her and I openly talk about it. If people standing by over hear it and ask I tell them that I'm having the lap band placed and the conversation goes from there. I have had some negative comments, but I've also noticed they are usually from people who don't have a substantial weight problem or no weight problem at all. I just kind fo shrug it off to their opinion. My family has been very supportive as well as my close friends so they are who will help me get through this and who I focus on when I need to talk about it. Everyone else will probably learn after the surgery and well what can they say then? Proof is in the pudding kind of thing then.

I told my family and close friends first. I needed their support before I talked to others. I called/met with those I loved and then I did my typical tell the world/ask for prayer email. I just did it today in fact. I am a Christian and that is very evident in the email. I know not everyone feels that way so I won't post it here. But, if you want to check it out, it's on the Christianity Forum. Here is the link. NOTE, THERE WILL BE A LOT OF CHRISTIAN CONTENT!! http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/christianity/postdetail/6073.html?vc=0 I hope you figure out a way to tell people. It was incredibly liberating and rather therapeutic too! Blessings~ Becky

Hi: My surgery date is 12/22nd and I did not tell anyone @ wor****il maybe 2 weeks ago. I did tell my mom and sister however they have the normal fears and understandably so. I would just tell those close to you - as simply put as you can. That you are having the surgery and the reasons you are having it. Thatyou have spoke w/others who have had the surgery by the same doctor, and you are aware of the hospitals reputation for bariatric patients. Make sure they understand that this is not a fly by night decision for you. It is normal for those that love you to be worried and concerned but those will be the ones who give you the hardest time. They will probably not understand and offer many different options to this procedure but as long as you have made up your mind just state the reasons again and move on to another topic.

I have told my husband (of course), my mother, and my three closest friends (one of which is my immediate supervisor at work). I haven't told anyone else except two people at work who just know that I am having outpatient surgery to have some hernias fixed, which I am! I think it will be easier to let people know after surgery is done so that I do not have to deal with them trying to talk me out of it. It will be done and that part of the conversation can just be avoided. That's how I decided to look at it.

Hey Machelle, We share the same sentiment as well as the same surgery date! I've had businesses almost my whole working life and I 've learned one thing. If you have a plan and want to succeed, don't tell anyone. Even your closest friends and family have a way of sabatoging your goals. They may not mean it but there's something subconcious going on that can spill over to you. I'm picking and chosing who'll I'll tell and believe me, you can count that number on one hand. For the rest, I needed an excuse as to why I'm eating like a bird and why I'll be off work for a while. I've decided to say I needed to have abdominal surgery to remove a bad section of intestine. As for the weight loss, I'm just going to say I got a great start from surgery and now just eat less and exercise more. The truth really in a way. I've paid my dues with discrimination, scolding, hurt feelings etc., the last thing I want is more lecturing, advice, or horror stories. No one knows what's in our heads right now let alone the risk and pain we're about to face to correct ourselves. Even the ones we believe to be in our corner are going to form opinions. Do you really need that now? I think the best place to pcych yourself for this is right here. Only here are you going to get real answers and real insight and real truth. So, I'm going to pick and chose like a lot of you out there. I do plan on telling more people because I really do not like being deceptive but I feel right now, it's more like self preservation until I'm up and about after surgery. Just my two cents. Sorry for the rant! Good luck

Wendell~ I wanted to tell you that the responses that I received from my email have been AMAZING! I am so glad I told everyone. I am not trying to convince YOU to tell your friends and family, I just wanted you to know that my outcome has been wonderful! Everyone has been supportive and even those who are worried still have been friendly and wonderful. I figure, it's easier for me to get it out NOW as opposed to after the surgery. I don't want to have to explain the surgery to them in person...it's always easier to use words/email for me. I know that if I DON'T tell them now, they will notice the weight loss and such afterwards and I will feel the need to explain or they will feel the need to speculate! This was a perfect way to cut out the middle man! Anyway~ I just wanted to share. It went beautifully! Blessings~ Becky

Thanks Becky and everyone for their comments; it certainly helped me sort out my feelings about who to tell what, and when. I see the bottom line as this: It's fair to say that the majority of folks have the surgery so we can be the same person on the outside as we are on the inside. In the final analysis, it seemed for me, masking the truth might create more problems down the road than the ones I was trying to avoid now. Let me explain further. There was a person at my wife's work that had the surgery and told no one. But after she started loosing a ton of weight, it was an awkward and uncomfortable situation fessing up (especially when she was having a B-12 deficiency, and needed time off work to recover, and there was no other way to explain it). Not to mention the people in her life that missed the opportunity to support her, had they been given the chance, etc. After careful thought, I opted for full disclosure, and to let the chips fall where they may. At least it was now off my shoulders/chest/brain, and not a source of stress anymore. If people had a problem with that, then that was THEIR problem, and not mine. Fortunately my surgery date is so close (12/13), that anyone who had a thought about talking me out of it already knew it was too late. When I started telling people, I found several things I wasn't expecting. Some folks that I expected would react negatively, actually reacted positively and were supportive! I also found that there were a lot of other friends of friends and co-workers who have had the surgery and are doing great! Lastly I found that it was good "Soup for the Soul" sotospeak, to just be upfront with everything, deal with it in the moment, and move on. If I encountered negativity, at least I felt good about standing up for myself. This has been my experience with the people I've seen and worked with this past week. For the next larger circle of friends and aquaintences, I think I'll send an email with a few bariatric reports attached, so the reports can do the explaining/educating for me. That way the ball will be in their court. BTW--My wife and I watched the finale of The Biggest Looser last night. I really hope that they all can keep the weight off. The statistics are against them though. It got me excited to imagine what it'll be like when the pounds start melting off me! It was interesting to see, however, how some of the winner's bar buddies just couldn't come up with a warm word of encouragement to save their lives! Take care everyone, and blessings to you, you've been a blessing to me ww

Congratulations on COMING OUT ! I am so glad that you have had a positive experience. I too have found amazing freedom in telling people! Anyhoo...I am SO glad all went well! Blessings~ Becky