How do you break the news?

Strawboy
on 11/25/05 8:43 am - Monrovia, CA
I have a surgery date scheduled for 12/13, but the final thumbs-up won't come from my doctor until this Monday, so I've held off telling most of my friends and family until I knew for sure. Some don't even know I've been considering WLS. A few relatives were visiting for the holidays, so I took the opportunity to share with them face to face; but then the conversation spins off into a discussion where I'm defending my decision, and trying to re-educate them. Since my surgery date is so close, I really don't need the extra stress right now. I'm trying to sort out who's on the need-to-know list, and just how much do they need to know? My boss, for example, all I have to tell her is that I'll be off work for about a month and no one at work would even know I had WLS (I just don't want to be judged by small-minded people). The flip side of the coin is that if I just tell everyone, I don't have to worry about who knows and who doesn't, and it may help someone else (I only seriously considered WLS after talking with a friend who'd had it). Can someone give me their experience post-op, or share some advice/ideas on breaking the news?
robinsoc140
on 11/25/05 8:52 am - Leesburg, FL
Most people that criticize you are those that are not educated on the surgery as we are. They need to do as much research as we have and they will understand why we are doing what we are. If you don't tell them, just think what you will give them to talk about when you come back. Sit back and enjoy. Good luck. Carol
lillykins73
on 11/25/05 11:18 am - Ajax, Canada
Hey Wendell, I am in the same boat as you. I have told some people and not others about the WLS I am having on Dec 7th. The way I look at my decision is this.. those I feel are mature enough to understand exactly what is happening and why I have made this decision I tell about the surgery. There is usually some discussion about the surgery and my expectations and risk, but there is no judgement from them. Those I feel would not understand my decision or would critize, make degrading or childish comments about it I have not told. But I don't think that it is my loss.. I think it is theirs. There are some people in your life who will not be happy about your surgery. Those who will be jealous and will find ever chance to make you feel bad about it. Why encourage them. We all have these people in our lives and for some reason they are threatened by the fact that we will become thin and healthy. They won't be able to be happy for you or to support you in the way that you need it. It is not our job to educate them on our decisions. We all made this decision for us, for ourselves for different reasons, but we all made it to feel better emotionally and physically. Just be confident in your decision and know that you have shared your news with the people you could and the others are not people who will help you anyways. Good luck. I hope both of our surgeries and a huge success. Liana
MsDee
on 11/25/05 12:21 pm - Round Rock, TX
Lap Band on 12/01/05 with
Wendell, Your question is the question of the day... My surgery is next Thursday and lets say I've been "selective" about who I've told. Unfortunately, my family has been the most critical (purely out of fear for my safety) - at work - my peers and direct reports have been supportive but I've started feeling the presure - one of them brought a pair of size 10 jeans and hung them in my office and gave me a "pep talk"... I was thinking,"Hell, I couldn't fit a size 10 when I was 10 years old!!!!!" I personally opted to tell people at work because we are in the holiday season - potlucks, happy hours, and Christmas parties. I won't be able to participate in these events because I will be fresh out of surgery and on a liquid diet, I don't want to offend anyone... So if you want to avoid the added stress, I'd feel people out, ask them if they saw 20/20 tonight and ask them what they thought about it... Those discussions will help determine who to tell and who not to tell... My 2 cents Deauna
snuffy
on 11/25/05 5:39 pm - DIBOLL, TX
MY SURGERY IS DEC 1, AS FAR AS THE PEOPLE THAT I HAVE TOLD THIS WOULD INCLUDE EVERY ONE IN MY LIFE. I MUST SAY THAT I WAS GIVEN A LOT OF OPINIONS BUT THIS WAS A GOOD THING FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT IT HELPED IN MY FINAL DECISION TO HAVE THE SURGERY. GIVE EVERY ONE A CHANCE IT WOULD SURPRISE YOU TO KNOW WHO IS IN YOUR CORNER.
Dribble
on 11/26/05 2:08 am - Upstate, NY
Hi, I have my date for 12/12. I have plenty of concerns about the upcoming surgery, but "who to tell,and when" was one issue i managed to get through without too much trouble. I was selective not only about who, but when. My fiance and best friend were first and were with me through the decision making. I did lots of research and talked to my doctors. But i didn't tell anyone else until I had made up my mind. My family took it fairly well, although they are naturally concerned for my safety and i answered a lot of questions. My fiance, bless him, took care of telling his family for me a few weeks ago. Work- I waited until all was approved and I had a date. Told my boss and three people I trust, explaining that I felt private about it, and everyone else was told just "abdominal surgery". Noone has been nervy enough to say "what kind??". They probably just assume its a female thing and best not to ask. If, later on, I lose so much weight that suspicions arise, I figure: oh well. I can deal with that better than dealing with people's judgements and having to 'defend' my decision ahead of time. Those I confided in have had some reasonable curiosity questions that I have answered. It went ok, and thats why they are the only ones I told. I was selective for friends that care about me unconditionally and tend to be non-judgemental and open minded. Unless asked a question, I've kept to the broad strokes. So far so good!
masterchief
on 11/26/05 5:28 am - Niceville, FL
I simply have been up front with everyone. I have told all of my co workers and family. The way I look at it is I am doing this for me not them so I'm not worried wether or not they approve. Also, unfortunately I think we all will continue to be judged by small minded people after having this procedure done....the same way these small minded people have judged us up to bow. My recommendation would be to tell everyone. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at their responses. Good luck to you and God Bless. ps my surgery date is Dec 5th
hershey dream
on 11/26/05 1:39 pm - Duluth, GA
I have been upfront with my experience. All of my co-workers (who also happen to be good friends) know about my decision and are very receptive. Given that I work in a healthcare environment, everyone is proactive about making healthy lifestyle choices WLS or not. You have decided to take the WLS route for YOU! Not one of them will be purchasing protein shakes or vitamins for you, so who cares what they think. Right now if you don't feel comfortable, say nothing. Once the weight begins to disappear, people will notice and may begin to ask. Only share with who you think will benefit from the information.
breamfish
on 11/27/05 1:04 am - Fairhope, AL
I understand completely. My surgery date is scheduled for December 2, and no one knows but my husband. I don't dare tell coworkers, because of their judgements of me. I am extremely uncomfortable and cannot figure out how to handle the situation. My coworkers are judgemental to the point of cruelty. They have hurt my feelings on numerous occasions, and I simply don't want to hear that "she couldn't do it with willpower." She had to cheat." I have heard them talk repeatedly about other people, there favorite passtime is gossip. I am doing this for my health, and because I am so tired of feeling miserable. Adding the stress of nosy, judgemental people is not what I need right now. Does anyone have any advice?
robinsoc140
on 11/28/05 12:34 am - Leesburg, FL
Susie, you are so much a better person then those gossipers. You don't owe them anything. Just see how jealous they are as you begin to drop the pounds. And you will be so happy with yourself. We all know this is not the easy way out. Remember Ignorance is Bliss. Good luck to you, Carol
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