SQUEEZED-WHO/S STARING AT ME IN THE MIRROR?

I looked through the forum topics and unless I missed it, there isn't one for image/ identity issues, which is odd considering the amount of adjustments we go through before, during and after surgery. For over 15 years I barely glimpsed my face in the mirror when absolutely necessary. Having lost 123 lbs and 23 bmi points, I have gone from having thighs larger than normal women's waists, to being frustrated that to fit my tummy almost all pants legs are huge on me! People do not relate the same way to me now. Every one is always saying " you look so good now" boy is that a two edged sword... Anyway, I do not recognize myself or my new capabilites fully, and find it frightening somewhat. Without so much insulating me from others, I find that I feel much more vulnerable. I was a hard worker, a fat person, then an injured then laid off person, then a full time college student having surgery and exercising, then I was a 4.0 graduate trying to get a job. Now I am not sure what I am,.... 185 applications and 12 interviews later and no job.... I do not understand many things going on in my life, and this is unusual and very uncomfortable for me. I find myself wanting to run, sleep, eat... And fight daily not to choose these negative escapes. Except I do know God loves me and is here to help me. I think this must be transition.... The most painful part of labor.... Getting ready for the birthing of a new me!! Anyone else feeling squeezed?

Yes. This must be the most difficult part of this journey..I feel I just don't fit in anymore, anywhere and my relationships are deminishing.. I have been trying to stay content with the way things have always been, but finding it harder and harder to feel content with my life. If things are changing around me, and not good anymore, and why things seem so different is puzzleing..I'm still ME!..isn't it enevitable that we must venture to find more .....MORE??? more what???? Yes, I know what you are feeling. It's a confusing time, for real!! I can't express exactly what I want to because, I just don't understand it all...I'm so "squeezed", I'm choking.

I do look in the mirror more now than I ever have in my life. I think because they kept telling me how my tummy would be kissing my knees. Well that didn't happen. My thighs and knees went south with out the rest of me. I see the wrinkles in what you can call my thighs. I think how big and pretty I used to think my legs were. Now I wonder how can they even hold me up. Other people have even teased me about my skinny legs. No one ever teased me about being fat!!! Talking about double edge sword. It is hard but I think because I have rode this roller coaster so much I keep waiting for the fall. Like I have done so many times I can't even count them. I have to now make my self stop eating because I catch my self I can take another bite. I asked why are you trying to stretch your pouch???? I need to go back to fixing smaller plates if I want to stay this way. I look in the mirror and I don't see me. I stand there wondering where did my legs go. Oh yeah my 48DDD left too but I ain't looking for them.

Hi, I haven't looked into the mirror for years until recently. I'm down to 132 lbs. and have started looking -- wow, what a difference! I have had blinders on for the past 30 years with myself and everone else. I do notice that I am shyer than I thought I was and am getting a lot of attention that I feel ambivalent about. I sort of still think, "Why didn't these people talk to me before?" I see how other people look, as well as myself. It is still difficult for me to look in the mirror but it's getting easier. One thing that I do notice is how many unhealthy looking people are out there in the world and how very lucky I am to have had this change of lifestyle. This new life is a challenging one -- lots more to do, but lots more energy to do it with. I have gone back to work and exercise every day. I also have a good appetite (can eat anything except chicken) so I have to work out a lot, but I still only eat a small portion (I graze a lot at night but on good foods). I have also taken up knitting. I am a much happier person now and the depression and anxiety I felt before has gone away (hopefully never to return). Keep up the good work -- we'll get used to everything. Janet