Do you still identify with obese people?

Hi Dec 2004!!!! I'm happy to say I'm down 158 lbs!!! :D:D:D I'm glad to see so many people losing and maintaining. Anyway, I have a recurrent debate with a friend. He does not date women who are larger than sizes 8-12. He used to be over weight and says that it's just laziness that makes women stay fat when there are opportunities out there to lose weight. He says that he's not hating on big women, but it's his view and personal choice not to date them. In his defense, other than this issue, he's a good friend and wonderful person. The point of the debate is that I get angry when he equates obesity with laziness and other stereotypes. I take it personally. He says that I am no longer obese and should just let it go. "Why are you defending them?" He thinks that I should be so happy not to be fat anymore that I should no longer identify with plus size women. I feel that this is part of my not so long ago past. I don't like discrimination of any kind. He says we ALL discriminate about something. What do you think? Do you still identify with larger people? Cheri

Cheri, I absolutely still identify with larger people. One reason I do is that I don't see myself as thinner - my head hasn't quite caught up with my body. Another reason is that I was overweight/obese as long as I can remember. I remember starting on diet pills when I was 9 years old and thinking I would never again be able to have a candy bar. I don't think that I can stop relating to being an overweight/obese peroson when that is who I was most of my life. For me, I always want to identify with larger people. I want to remember what it is like and the difficulties that are faced on so many levels. I know the struggle that the obese person faces everyday just getting through the day. How can I lose sympathy for that person? I think it is so important to remember where I came from, in the hopes that it helps me keep vigilant and never allow myself to go back there. I also would take it personally it somebody critical of overweight people. There are lots of reasons people become overweight, including medical ones that are out of their control. Take care, Mary

Well, I'm size 12-14 at about 190 pounds. Making me still obese. I don't remember ever NOT feeling obese. Even as a teenager, when 140 pounds made me feel fat !!! I don't expect to ever feel like a "skinny" person inside my head. I will be always fearful of obtaining bad habits which could sabotage my success. This fear will keep me identifying with obese people forever. Your "friend" who only dates small women, may end up lonely and unhappy. He should be concentrating on selecting a women from the inside-out. Selecting a partner from the qualities that will remain with them for life, will ensure a relationship that will remain for life. If you select your partner by looks, what happens when you grow old and lose those looks? Does that mean he will fall out of love? I love my man for his kind heart, his gentle soul, his charming personality, his sense of humour and, lastly, because he is cute to me ! Karen G

He says that men are FIRST attracted to the outside and THEN attracted to other qualities. I'm not sure that is the best way for happiness. Sounds like your man is GREAT!!!!! Have a good weekend. Cheri

I agree with you that her friend might end up a lonely man some day. What if he gets obese some day. Does that mean that every woman should stick her nose up at him. I think we all have that fear of gaining back our weight. I'm jumping between 154 and even has high as 160lb the other day. Do I get upset? You darn right I do. I don't feel fat anymore but I don't like my arms. I really want to get Plastic surgery for my arms so I can wear short sleeves this coming summer. Donna 338/154

I DO still identify with obese people, definitely. I identify with the feelings I used to have, being obese. I was miserable, physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't think I was miserable because I was obese (it was a vicious cycle), I was obese because I was miserable. I truly believe this, so I do identify with obese people but I know I'm happy now because I am dealing with the issues that led me to be obese. I still have a hard time sometimes (just being honest) because there are a lot of obese people who look down on average size people. I was in awe of average people, wanted to be one, but can honestly say, there are people I know who say all kinds of things about me now, make all kinds of assumptions about what I'm thinking or feeling now, without even giving me the time of day to find out what I'm really like! There are people that, as soon as you get smaller than them, they seem to turn on you. I do not tolerate this well, it is not a FAULT of mine that I am losing weight. And I say, it is not the obesity I'm not tolerating, it's a certain attitude in some people. I have a couple (obese) friends who make me feel guilty. I'm having a hard time with it. ~ Erika ~

Let's not go there. I get so pissed off when I hear people making fun of obese people and putting them down because of their size. We have a lady at work who is so wonderful. I just love this lady and she is obese. Her pants kind of pull up into her butt crack (sorry, no other way to say it) Well some of the ladies thought it was cute to make fun of it and she laughs along with them but Know it must hurt her feelings. They turn around and call out. Marylou while turning around and pulling their own pants up the crack of their butts. Size has never mattered to me when it came to caring and loving someone. People are people, regardless of size. I don't and never will put my friends down just because I lost all this weight and they might still be obese. Donna 338/154

I am really having a hard time with this. I would never make fun of obese people. I mean, I am a recovering obese person! (And you shouldn't make fun or put down anyone) I feel guilty because I'm having a hard time being around some of my bigger friends. I feel like I'm the one being made fun of. Why are they doing this to me? I don't want to hurt their feelings because this will turn into me putting down the obese people, that's not what it's about. It's not about weight, it's about me not liking the way I'm being treated. I am avoiding these "friends" and of course they are probably claiming it's something that it isn't. They are downright mean sometimes! I do remember them putting down "thin" people, saying "they're not happy" "thin people are slaves to their diet". Like they are morally superior to certain people. Has anyone experienced this? ~ Erika ~