Anyone having difficulty adapting to the new lifestyle????

"Invisible Person Syndrome"..... Prior to the weight loss surgery, I quit smoking. My entire family smokes and I quit only for myself. I have no regrets about quitting, but I notice that I am often left out of family discussions, because they happened in the "smoking room" at my house. Since I wasn't there, no one thought to fill me in. Sometimes, I think they just forget that I am not there and I find this sad. Hence, the "invisible person syndrome" begins.... I am also invisible in the bars now. Prior to weight loss surgery, at almost 300 pounds, I was often asked to dance. Now that I have lost 93 pounds, I have become the invisible person at my favourite watering holes. I suspect that the logic is two-fold. First, I no longer drink alcohol, so I am a much more subdued individual. The loud, brazen drunk me that existed before surgery, was more assertive and made sure she got asked to dance. Now, I am quiet. I sit and watch. I get bored with the routine. I am never asked to dance. It may be that most of the men who asked me to dance, where sympathy partners. Asking me to dance, because they felt sorry for me. Being huge and drunk was not pretty. I can't go back there. I am a much better person now, even though I have become invisible. I am nothing special. Just another cog in the wheel of life. That makes the invisible person syndrome alittle easier to understand. Most of the other bar patrons have always been invisible too. I was huge and hard to miss, which is why I was never able to be invisible in the past. I am trying hard to adapt. Finding life totally new. People see me differently. I guess I am different now. Although you don't expect to change, change is unavoidable. I just hope that my family and friends can adapt to the new me. Lately, I have been very worried that I will bore them to death. Anyone else finding it hard to discover the new you??? Cheers Karen G

I can relate... Although I'm not invisible, quite the opposite now, it's still very awkward. I'm still very shy when I meet new people because my brain still thinks I'm the ugly fat girl. I still seem to approach situations from the stand point of I'm fat and should try to stay as invisible as possible, not easy when I find perfect strangers being nice to me and talking to me in stores. Just yesterday I went into a local goodwill (I refuse to pay full price for clothes right now), I found this totally cute little (size L) shirt that looks to be a medium. All I could think was that the people around me must wonder what the crazy fat girl is thinking buying a shirt that small. But when I turned and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, the shirt didn't look so small against me. I had to ask this lady (who was yakking at me while we were both looking at the dresses) if a certain dress would fit me, she looked at me like I was nuts and said 'No way! It's way too big for you'. I'm so used to heading for the biggest size that I forget (and still have trouble wrapping my brain around) that I'm not that size anymore. I think the changes you're making are wonderful. Quitting smoking and drinking will only help you live longer and healthier. I think this is going to be a great time of discovery for you. Time to find out what Karen really likes to do and find out what Karen really wants out of life. You are NOT boring, your are courageous and strong! Find new interests and new friends and soon enough, you'll be too busy to be worried about being invisible! *hugs* Jen 277/181/135

The only area that bothers me the most is that my step son never says anything about me losing weight or looking good I know, he is a typical 17 year old. He has a girlfriend and that's the only thing on his mind right now. Mom, Dad and school sit on the back burner anymore. Now my darling darling husband loves the new me and that means more to me then anything Donna 338/176

Karen, I'm so sorry your feeling sad. I think we're all going thru so many changes. My kids tell me I've really changed. I think I'm more assertive and sure of myself. Even with my husband, I don't put up with a lot of crap (he's so sweet but sometimes gets on his high horse!) Are there any guys that go to the bar that mainly go for the music? I hope you find the just enjoy the music crowd. I think in my case I THINK that I'm treated nicer now. Maybe it's just that I have more self esteem. How bout your close girlfriends.... How are they treating you? Well sweetie, I hope your blues fade.... I'm in Cleveland and being a bit farther north your winter is coming fast! ((((hugs)))) Judy

Have you tried going to a different bar where it is people that don't know you? I have changed a lot of things that I used to do because of the fact that I am starting a new life (with the same husband of course) so I figure that I needed to change my old habits or the bad ones are sure to return. Good luck with everything and keep your head up! Michelle

((((((((((HUGS))))))))) I think you need lots of hugs right now. Maybe try a new place is a good idea. Do you have friends that to do other things?? Maybe try a gym to handle your frustration and meet some new people with a goal of being healthier like you??? Maybe I'm the odd ball here....Even though I was heavy I was very active and did whatever I wanted too. I may have been totally woren out when I got home BUT I have always tried to have fun in whatever I did. I have a good friend and people tell us "You 2 could have fun at a funeral" Yeah we could!! I think I have always had some self assertive issues ( some people call it being bossey! ) You have made some wonderful healthier life changes!! You should be so proud of yourself!! Do you ever read?? I think one of the best books I have read is the "Purpose Diven Life" By Rick Warren. If you like to read and are looking for a new focus in your life it maybe worth checking into. Know that you have friends here who understand and Love You just the way you are!!!! Blessings, Love and Kisses!! Tonya

man..sorry to say this but i'm feeling the complete opposite.when i was over weight thats when i felt like i was invisible. i was quite,shy,dull.lol now i'm like miss party girl i have guy****ting on me left and right holding the door open for me when i walk into places i'm like sooo different now and thats what my husband is finding hard to deal with when i was overweight he never had to think about other guys checking me out .but now he sees it all the time and hes jealous..thats what we fight about most of the time.."why do you wear this ..how come you wear that" its like he doesn't understand that i feel better about myself.and i want my outside to show how i feel inside..WHOA!!! lol sorry this is going into a completely different direction..but you guys get the point..lol

I am finding just the opposite. I've always been the invisable person - and preferring that. Now people are stopping me (after they walk by and realize it is me) and giving me so much attention. If I am walking into a store - used to be if I was right at the door men would hold it for me - otherwise I got ignored...Now if they see me getting out of the car at a convenience store they stand there holding the door waiting for me to get to the door...it makes me uncomfortable but also flatters. I have found karen that my old "friends" (especially the females) are more stand offish than before - I don't know if they just don't understand my new role - I'm no longer the fat friend...or if it is jealousy...or I don't know...but it does hurt a little. I look in the mirror and I don't see much of the new me - people tell me they hardly recognize me anymore - I still see the fat. If I go to put my jeans on (now a size 8-10) if they are tight I get all upset that "I've gained all my weight back"... Now the men are another issue - husband absolutly adores the new me, but he seems to want to put a leash around my neck now ( just kidding) - but maybe the men just don't know their OWN feelings towards the new you...while you were drunk and fat (excuse the wording) you were "safe" sexually...now you are not and they may have feelings towards the new you. They may just not be sure of their own feelings now...you will find you self - one other thing - I stopped smoking 3 years ago, I stopped drinking 5 years ago...I have very few of those old friends left. Its not that I can't relate, but they are uncomfortable with me since I'm not locked in their world anymore...change is always difficult - but this is a change for the more healthier more beautiful you.

Just wanted to say "thanks" to everyone for their comments. I must be weird, as most people seem to be experiencing the opposite from this. I wish my life didn't revolve quite so much around the bar scene. My whole family is Karaoke nuts. We also play darts, billiards and Texas Hold'em Poker. I am looking for suggestions of things to do, to have fun outside of the bar scene. I don't have the resources to attend expensive outings, such as obtaining hockey tickets or concert tickets. What could you suggest that would make for a reasonably priced, but entertaining, evening? Thanks Karen G