LOVE HURTS!

I love my daughter with all my heart. I have always been very very close with my daughter, she is 17 years old, and thinks the world will change for her as soon as she turns 18 in December. I took her to counseling session Friday and the counselor told me that she thinks she is in complete compition with me to lose weight! WHAT!!!!! she only weighs 125lbs and is 5'6" tall she is skinny. I on the other hand I weighed 275 and am now 180 and still have 40 lbs to lose. I do not obsess on my weight or for that matter duscuss it much with anyone. Why does she feel the need to compete with me, her biggest fan. I love her and don't want my weight loss to make her feel bad, sick, depressed, or anything. If I could take it back and not have the surgery to make things better I would. I am soooooo sad Have any of you went through anyhting like this? I need help

Congratulations on your weight lost so far. I have not gone through what you are going through but I wanted to give you some . I am sure that you will get through this just continue to pray about it. Let your daughter know that this is not a competition and your weight loss is about you being healthy. Fran

Thank you, Fran I have been praying and have many praying with me and for me. I don't want to lose may daughter and she is very sad right now and has lost at leat a size in pants in a month. She keeps saying 10 more pounds and I would be perfect. I think she's perfect now! I never give myself a # in front of anyone because if I don't ever get there I wouldn't want them to think of me as a failure, so I don't know where that comes from. I really wanted us to be close for her senior year, and I thought we could do many things with me being thinner but WOW has it put a wedge between us like I would have never thought about. She barely answers the cell phone when I call her, and make excuses to me why we cant go places together, maybe she is just growing up but it still hurts.

Sometimes us kids need reassuring. Even if you tell us that you love us on an everday regime and if you tell us your proud. Sometimes sitting us down and really telling us....helps us feel less competitive. I know I felt that way when my mom was losing weight really fast...although she still struggles... it felt weird when I was 11 and I was on a diet...again! The same thing you just told us...about you being her biggest fan and all...maybe you can tell her that too. It might just help. Good Luck to you. You sound like your an awesome mom that really cares about her feelings.. Gracie

Thank you, Gracie I will go home tonight and have a heart to heart with her. I really needed to hear that. She will need to hear it too. I do love her very much and care about her feelings, I hope this tkes care of things and we can mend anything that needs mending. I appreciate your imput! Thanks Tammy

I agree with Gracie. Heart to heart talks go further around here. We have a grown daughter, happily married for 2 years. And 2 teenage sons at home, 16 & 17 years old!! Testerone City (spelling?) Our oldest son has been smoking. Watching several of our family memebers die from smoking did not seem to get through his thick head! my wonderful husband sat down and explained his own struggles with smoking. Having quit 3 times and still would love to have a cig. So far so good. Our son has not had a cig since. Yes, we know he may still pick one up at anytime!! :unho: Ok so smoking and loosing pounds are not extactly the same but do have similar habit forming behaviors. Hang in there Mom raising teenagers has been my biggest challenge in life. WLS was easy compared to being a parent. Something a friend of mine e-mailed me once, "Mothers of teenagers understand why some animals eat their young!" At the time I thought I was the only Mother in the world with a smart mouth, know it all teenager!! I soon realized I was going through what most all parents go through once their sweet babies become at that magical age of 13!! And my own Mother so kindly reminded me I was the same why!! "WHO ME??? Plan a date with your daughter! Maybe a movie, shopping, and maybe lunch or supper. Just the 2 of you. TALK TALK be honest with her, tell her your fears and experiences. She may think your and act like she is not listening BUT she will apprecitate your gesture and you may be surprised how much she learns from the experience!! I have said a prayer for you!! Hey us Mom's are all in this together!! And Daughter's Too!! Blessings Tonya

Dear Tammy, Did you hit the nail on the head. My daughter will be 14 next months and boy is she difficult to deal with. She turned from a sweet girl into a mouthy sulky teenager. She hates everything and a lot of times everyone. After I lost 40 pounds and was getting comments from everyone, she said that she didn't notice any difference. She loves to go to the mall with me so I would buy her stuff, but at the same time would turn around will tell my husband and I that she doesn't want to spend time with us. SOmetimes I am expecting her head to do a complete 360 lik Linda Blair's in Exorcist I guess, this is the time we just have to love them even though it's difficult at times.