How to get into heaven........
Both Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day. They both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.
The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity."
The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen took a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shook it up, and gargled. Then, she spit into the toilette and pulled the lever. The angel said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She simply gargled and she got in. Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the angel, but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are!!!"