12/13/04 - Doin' the dance of joy! But with a side of sad.

I have a date, I have a date!!! I can't believe I am happy about having surgery. On the down side, my oldest daughter (age 16) cried when she learned of it last night. She didn't think I would really do it. I hadn't expected the kids to be upset. Any tips on helping them adjust to this? They are 11, 12, 15, and 16. - vrabe

Oh Valerie! I'm very excited for you - my december wls buddy I'm sorry to hear that your kids are upset! Mine are only 7 & 9 (soon to be 8 & 10) and don't really get the whole surgery thing. They are happy that I will be thinner and can do more things with them. My 7 year old did say she didn't want me to have the surgery at first, said "but Mommy, I love you the way you are!" Isn't she the best!!! But was happy for me when I explained that after I lose weight, I can go roller skating with them and have more fun at Cedar Point, etc. She got that because it is usually their daddy that takes them places where you have to be more physical. Maybe with yours being older, they will understand the health risks associated with being obese and what life could be like compared to what life is like. It may help them to go to a support group meeting with you and see others who have had the surgery and see how happy they are with it and how it changed their lives - for the better! Good luck - write anytime Pam

Thanks Pam. I think this major life change is going to be made easier because of support and feedback from people who are living it and sharing right along with me. I tried the health risks talk with my daughter, but that didn't work. I think it was still too unreal for her. She made a point that I didn't see coming. She is worried that I am giving my youngest daughter (who at 11 is showing signs of a weight problem) a reason to not control her weight. She think her sister will just get heavier and then choose surgery. Monkey see Monkey do!......maybe I'll just try the roller skating route. I will see about getting her to go to a support group with me. Has anyone had a child develop a mentality of "I'll just have surgery later" after their parent has had WLS?

Hey Valerie! You've got a tough one huh?? After doing all of this research on lap band and rny, you realize that people who are not over weight do think this is "the easy way out." When you talk to people who have had this, you know that it is not. Without trying to scare her, maybe go back over your own weight loss efforts and how having the extra weight affects you every day - how you feel about yourself, not just not being able to ride roller coasters, etc. Then if you can explain, without scaring her, about the potential risks vs health risks being over weight. This is a huge life style change and I don't think even we realize what this means until we actually have the surgery! My friend just got back to work after having lap rny the beginning of Sept. She feels great, has lost weight and so far is the perfect surgery pateint! She did over a year's worth of research and application process, but even she said that she didn't truly realize how it would change her life. She still has to make the right choices and excersize - having rny or the band just allows us to make those decisions. I don't think that after seeing you in the hospital, during recovery and seeing you only be able to eat an ounce of something at a time will make your younger daughter say, "boy, I want to have that!" I would hope that she would look at all you have to go through and say, "boy, I don't ever want to have to do that!" Good luck with your daughter! Pam

Boy! You sure said a mouthful..errr...typed a handful.. You gave some good advice. I will try to appeal to her empathy on how I feel. Good point on whether her younger sister will copy or have her eyes opened on what I had to go through. I may have made a mistake never complaining/talking about about how the weight affects me. I am fairly active in that I have tried not to ever let the kids feel like my weight caused them to have to give up things. They have no idea how much harder a heavy person has to work to succeed. Time for education. Thanks for the advice.

CONGRATULATIONS VALERIE!! WHAT TYPE OF SURGERY ARE YOU HAVING? MY DATE IS ALSO FOR THE 13TH OF DECEMBER AND LIKE YOU I HAVE HAD PROBLEMS WITH MY FAMILY MEMBERS UNDERSTANDING WHY A 22 YEAR OLD WOMAN WOULD WANT TO GO IN FOR GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY. I HAVE HAD ENDLESS FIGHTS WITH MY FATHER UNTIL I WENT FOR THE CONSULTATION AND HE REALIZED HOW REAL THIS IS AND THAT THE ODDS OF ME GETTING ILLNESSES THAT RUN IN THE FAMILY ARE EXTREMELY HIGH. [AND] EVEN CARRYING A CHILD IN THE FUTURE OR LIVING ARE SLIM WITHOUT IT. WELL I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK. WHERE ARE YOU GETTING IT DONE ? WHICH SURGEON? I'LL BE IN NYU. MY PRAYERS WILL BE WITH YOU..

Cher, I am having a RNY Lap. It is hard when the people in your life can't truly hear you and see misery and support the way you've chosen to address it. I will be having my surgery in Muskegon Michigan by a highly recommended Dr. Gluck. Best of luck to you in prep time and surgery.

Congrats, we share the same surgery date. It's funny that you ask the question about your daughter, I posted the same question this morning on the main message board! The title is "WLS affects families??" or something like that. Good Luck, Linda

Linda, I suspect it is an under discussed topic. "WLS and Families" I have a husband who is supporting this decision but he has never in his life had a weight problem and needs for his active job thousands of calories a day. I secretly wonder how he will do when I am on a liquid diet or don't feel like baking cookies for him.