Wow guys... look at us...

I don't know if you all remember me or not... so let me give a brief re-introduction. I'm Brooke I'm 26 and I live in Illinois. I left the hospital weighing 298 and today when I got on the scale I weighed 192. My lowest weight was around 178. So I've been reading all the posts and relating them to my own life... Look at Us.... I'm so depressed all the time... I read my journal sometimes of when I first had my surgery and I was so motivated... I was so excited and willing to follow all the rules... I didn't eat sugar at all for a full year after my surgery. I exercised religiously every day and I lost... I lost 100 pounds. Now I look at myself and I just want the me from Dec 2004 to come kick the me of right now's ass (she could do it she has serious weight advantage). I had the psychological eval and I swore up and down I could follow the program for the rest of my life... I was desperate I would do anything to be thin. I can recite the dietary requirements given by my nutritionist in my sleep and I can tell you how many grams of protein in virtually every food in my house. Why did I stop... what made me give up... I feel like I'm proving them right... you know who "them" is right? Those people who thought I was taking the easy way out (if you consider getting sawed in half and biologically altered easy) and knew that no matter what I was going to fail. Those people who were secretly envious and hoped that I would never make it. Now look at my food choices... I had McDonalds last night. I've messed up... and the biggest thing is I'm doing it to myself. I put that happy meal into my body... I drove there and ordered it... Why am I doing this? because it's hard now? Well my pouch isn't streched it's sitting there still intact... and my body keeps asking me why I put it through so much if I wasn't going to follow threw... why I am such a health tease. My blood is asking me where the hell the iron is and why I've stopped taking my vitamins. This is my answer... I'm sorry I've messed up. I've fallen into the same habits as before... no excuse... excuses made me 298 in the first place. My tool is still in place and I promised myself I would do it. These last 50 pounds are going to be the hardest... but I guess that makes them the most worth while. I'm not going to use the normal cliche phrases... nothing tastes as good as being thin feels because I've NEVER been thin and I don't know that... or now I'm not living to eat, but eating to live... because my brain still can't wrap itself around the fact that what I put in my mouth is fuel for my body. What I am going to do is take action. Complete the promise that I made to myself. Show "them" that I'm one tough ***** Walk into my high school reunion next year and make them wonder who I am.... I'm going to live again.. with purpose... I'm going to start... now. Are you with me?

You say it so well I am in the same boat, I have only gained 10 pounds, but they are teh ten that make the difference in whether my stomach hangs over my pants, or whether I wear the 30's or the 32's. I to will eat teh crap food I know I am not supose to eat, so yes I am with you, I will lose the ten no wait I am going for 20, I want to be what everyone said I couldnt do and that is keep off the weight. I wish you lived in california and we could be a support for each other but just know that i am here to talk to if you need the support. Wendy

Thanks... I'm really trying to increase my exercise and cut down on grazing! I just want to get into the single digit sizes....

Whoa Brooke! I feel the pain in your post and totally understand where it comes from. I am enjoying a "revival" of the pouch. I'll PM you with what is helping me as it seems pretty quiet around here. Molly

Yeah I saw the pouch revival diet on one of the other boards... it started with a couple of days of liquids. Is that what you're using. I was interested in trying it... but my pouch is still serving its purpose... I just have a problem with grazing.

I was doing so good - I have a 10 pound flux scale - but we adopted a baby in April and I gained 12 pounds above the 10 pound ceiling (which means I was 22 pounds above my lowest weight) when my whole schedule got thrown off by trying to live on 1.5 hours sleep every 3 hours. Now I am now trying to get back on track - I am down 2 pounds so I am now 10 pounds from my upper limit but want to loose 15 pounds. It is funny, when I was 285 pounds 10 pounds made no difference in my clothing size - now 10 pounds is 1-2 sizes...I can't get bigger I can't afford new clothes...so I am trying to up my protein and water intake...my biggest problem is the evening grazing...I must stop...

I'm going to start (tomorrow) with the 5 day pouch revival plan and see how that goes. Then I think I'm going to follow weigh****chers... I'll let you know how the five days go

I feel ya Brooke!!!!!!! Cheri

We can do it... look how far we've come.. I dont want to go back.

What is the pouch revival diet u guys are talking about? Id love to know what it is cause I ve been struggling for a long time your post reminds me of me. Jamie