On the road with Monica

I began my journey at age 57, 330 lbs, with diabetes, asthma, severe arthritis in my knees, high lipids, and the inability to live my life....just existing. I felt like Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. I hurt all the time and hated Monica. I tried and tried and tried for years to lose weight and I always failed. Only those people who have walked in our shoes and worn our "panties" can truly appreciate what prisioners we were in our bodies, how our weight controlled our lives, how we struggled, and how we hated ourselves. We were invisible to those around us.....oh people would look at us in disgust and pity, but no one really saw the us in US. I always wore a smile and tried to be soooooo nice and submissive hoping that people would like me or take me HA HA seriously. How could someone who "let" herself get so morbidly obese be taken seriously, haid no control, made no effort to help me, i was a freaks like in a circus side show. Every minute of every day was a struggle to do the most simple task. Cleaning my own ass required a tortured twisting and I never felt clean. Tying shoes...ha ha never as I would get light headed being bent over to do it so I wore slip on shoes to escape that torture. Buying clothes was horrid and so expensive and I never felt pretty or attractive. Who would want me? Yet my husband stood by me and after seeing my struggles he came to understand that I really needed this surgery. In 2001 he was not ready, but by 2005 he helped me with my journey and came to appointments, support group meetings, listened to me explain what I learned here and though he was scared, he knew this was my last chance to free myself. My journey has been wonderful. Sure I made some really Stupid Monica Tricks along the way, but I learned from my mistakes and from my successes. I follow the rules laid down by my Weight Management providers and surgeon. I sip my water, I get my protein, and I take my vitamins. I am 2 weeks PS post op, weighing in today at 174. My breasts are small, high, and perky. My ample ample rolling panni gone and the area looks like a landing zone for airplanes it is so flat. My huge upper hernia is trussed up inside with three layers, pulling it together and making the muscles tighter than they had been in 35 years. I know have two body scars instead of nine, all removed when the excess skin was taken. I have scars under my breasts, which never saw the light of day unless I lifted them up to clean and dry and keep rashes away....I could hide 8 pencils without them falling down under each breast....could have been a spy or a smuggler with those huge breasts. I have scars around the nipples and one up the center, but I am very happy those huge breasts are gone. My neck, shoulders, arms, and back are happy too. Again I am following the rules laid down by the PS, I am wearing two binders, one low and one high and they feel comfy and supportive. I no longer wear size 32 pants that cost 40-60 dollars each, but can wear size 18 petite cheap jeans that look and feel good. I am fortunate that I shrunk proportionately all over. Yeah my arms have hanging skin and the thighs look droopy and like crep, but I am a happy women. I have taken back my life, I am moving well, I can play with my Gkids, go fishing, walk a stream, and catch fish, make love, not be short of breath, tie my shoes, clean my ass and feel sooo clean, clean my RV, cook, do laundry, walk on the beach, swim in the water, climb up into my huge diesel F550 truck.......live. I have become visible, people meet my eyes, smile, act nice, acknowledge me. This makes me mad at times, angry that people see me, but not when I was 330lbs. I have had to talk within myself to let the anger go, that I spent most of my adult life over 200, over 250, over 300, and then 330lbs. Like that fat that surrounded and engulfed my body, I have to work on taking the mental fat off too. Each day is a blessing and I take no day for granted. I am Monica, healthier, happier, sexier, and so thankful. Hugs to all, may each day on this journey bring you smiles, may your cheeks hurt with the smiles you have. The journey is not simiple, each day can be hard, but the results of the journey so lift you and give your confidence to succeed. Monica age 59, 12/06/04 330/174/16? who knows

I hear you loud and clear. People used to look at me like I was a monster as I worked at Sears at 338lbs. People think it's OUR faults for being that size. I'm happy I had WLS as it took away all my problems but now I'm having more problems. I can't eat and it's not that I'm throwing up. I corrected that problem but I eat once a day and that's it!! Husband down my throat all the time. EAT!! My pouch holds what it can. Like the other day I ate one can of chicken noodle soup. My vitamin D is VERY low. Should be 30 or above and mine is 11 so I'm on 50,000 units of vitamin D a week for 9 weeks and then have my blood rechecked. My Thyroid is off but not enough to concern the Doctor right now and my calcium is low. I hate doctors but I think I have a bacterial infection and not a yeast infection, sigh. I have a kind of yellow discharge and it states if it's green or a yellow discharge it's a deeper infection that needs to be seen by a Doctor. I tried the over counter stuff for yeast infections and it's not working. I'm tired of doctors. I have been seeing Doctors since 2003. Donna