I need a friend!

Thanks Donna. I already am looking for a job. The problem is making enough money to live on my own. I had a really good job I gave up 7 years ago to stay home with the kids. That's the biggest mistake I ever made. No, marrying my husband was! I hope your husband starts being nicer. You are so sweet - you deserve to be treated better too. And by the way, you look great! Melissa

He'll have to pay child support. Maybe you can get him for spouse support? If he is any man he won't just walk away and leave you and the children high and dry. Donna

Hi Melissa, So sorry to hear about all that is going on in your life. We all get down times, even those of us who are close to or at goal. Try to remember you came into this surgery for a reason. Sometimes we forget that and stray, but the reason is still there. I have learned that everything happens for a reason.... even if we don't know what that reason is in the beginning. I have faith that you will soon see that reason, and it will become crystal clear to you. The path getting there is a difficult one to travel in the beginning, but it does get easier. Keep the faith! Hugs, Susan

Thank you Susan. I know you are having a difficult time too. Hopefully everthing will start looking better for both of us. How are you doing with the move? You look great in all your pictures. Melissa

Melissa, Hugs, hugs, hugs. I went to my program's support group last night and the head honcho lady said that the statistics for divorce after WLS is more than 60%. Before surgery, when I heard this kind of stuff I thought, "yeah, right....my marriage is solid as a rock, my losing weight will only make it better". But the reality is that even my marriage of 23 years has taken some hard, hard knocks since my dramatic weight loss. In fact, we are going to marriage counseling right now, after all these years of marriage. So, I guess I am just trying to say that evidently, it is not at all unusual for people to have rocky marriages after WLS. In fact it is pretty much the norm. Hang in there and please keep us posted on how you are. You have my well wishes and prayers. jean

Thanks Jean. We had a rocky marriage before WLS, so I am not surprised this happened. It doesn't make it any easier though. Melissa

Melissa, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope and pray things will get better for you. Fortunately, I learned in one of my seminars that divorce can be an unfortunate side effect of this surgery because the spouse does not know how to respond to the weight loss and new attitude, look, and changes of the other spouse. My husband and I are still together but believe me he had his share of problems dealing w/ the new me. I did not really change that much personality wise. I became a little more outgoing and less in his shadow and in my own limelight and he couldn't stand that he was no longer the sole center of attention. His attitude about my clothing also became an issue. I am and have always been a pretty modest dresser. I wore big, loose clothing and long skirts and dresses. One day, I tucked a shirt inside my pants and put on a belt. You should've seen his reaction. He got over it; because it was either get over it or get over me! I'm not sure what you and/or your husband's issues are; but you can survive this! You WILL survive this. This would be a great time for you lose the weight again. You can re-direct your energy and focus to yourself and your kids. Don't become an emotional eater/over-eater. When you feel angry, or feel like emotionally eating - work out or do some other type of physical activity to take your mind off everything. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be strong for yourself and your children. Take advantage of the time your children will need to spend with you by taking them for a walk, play a game of soccer, or anything physical. Spend time w/ the kids preparing and cooking healthy meals. You'll have fun and feel good about the time your spending with the kids. Take your anger out on a soccer ball, or pretend that carrot you're chopping his his head! I don't know. But I hope you see my point. You can still be a stay at home mom and earn income. If you like kids then start a child care business in your home. It doesn't cost much to get started, a CPR class (and you can find a free or low cost class at the Am. Heart Assoc., the local YMCA/YWCA, fire dept, community college) and there's one other class you may have to take. Check with your state. The government will even pay you or provide some supplies for your business. Do your homework and you'd be surprised at how little it may cost for you to become your own boss. Besides, you can even keep your own children at home with you without paying for childcare yourself. Fight fair in your divorce, but go for everything! Childsupport and the house would be great assets. Don't let this (divorce) be another excuse for weight loss failure. The best revenge is living AND looking great. Be positive and always prayerful. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself emotionally eating and worrying. Use this to your advantage. I hope you take everyone's advice and do wonderfully! You had this surgery to feel and look good about yourself. Don't let him take that from you! Your children will need you now more than ever so you need to stay focused and strong for yourself and them. Find a support group and surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Don't throw a pity party for yourself. Your going to have a gamut of emotions to deal with, but don't drown your sorrows in food. You can get through a divorce! Who needs credit cards! Let him be responsible for the debt. It may be better that he take them anyway so you don't ruin your credit by depending on them to get you through a tough time and incurring debt you can't pay and making more problems for yourself. You can come out of this a winner if you just stay focused. Think and plan carefully. You are responsible for yourself and your precious kids. Don't panic! God is there for you - so always be prayerful. We are here for you. I am here if you'd like to email me. Surround yourself w/ support and positive people. Avoid nay-sayers. Misery loves company. You can do this! You can email me if you like. God Bless! Charlotte sorry no picture posted - haven't bothered to figure it out yet.

Thanks Charlotte. You are very inspiritaional and motivating. I needed that! Melissa

I am trully very sorry to hear about your situation. It is a hard place to be. I too have not been where I want to as far as the weight goes. But hey I am a whole lot healthier because of the 120 that I did lose! I gained 10 and lost 10 then gained 10 and now I am trying to loose it again! Not an easy feat! I have a good friend whose husband woke up this past winter and told her he doesn't love her anymore. She had a very hard time for a awhile and tried very hard to stay at the house and live wth him still. It was very tough on her and it only brought her down more and more every day. By this summer she finally found a place to live with her 2 kids. She is working full time to pay for it now. But the most important part is this: SHE IS SO MUCH HAPPPIER NOW! Sometimes you need to really stop focusing on what can be and focus on what YOU can be. That is her motto. She lost weight from the stress and is determined to keep it off. SHe redid her hair and is going to a tanning salon. She feels great about herself now and spends everyday reminding herself that she looks good! She is dating again. Her ex-husband is a loner trying to do something with his life. She is now doing far better than anyone expected and HE is extremely jealous. Sorry I can't speak form my personal experience but I wanted to share her story with you. Hope it helps. Your Sister in WLS Chandi 305/290/?

Thanks Chandi. It's nice to hear about other people in a similar situation who have made it through and are doing well. It's hard to believe I will ever make it to that point, but hopefully I wll. Melissa