Need a family hug

This is not easy for me to admit. Please let me explain. I have been having a lot of eating issues for a while now. Throwing up and not eating. I have not been feeling well and have been very depressed lately. I blame it ALL the time on over eating. I finally broke down and called my surgeon. The night before I was to see my Surgeon I wrote a long letter about what has been going on with my health and mental state. My mental state is so screwed up I'm forgetting things so I figured it was easy to put down on paper what's happening with me plus I was not sure how to express myself to my surgeon who is a wonderful man that gave me back my health and I'm now destroying it My surgeon walked into the room and we talked. He said Donna I want you to see a psychologist. My heart sunk with pain He went on to tell me. Sadly your suffering and dealing with being Anorexic and you must stop this purging and not eating. I was anorexic in my younger days but never felt it would return. I thought that was for younger females only and was behind me. My husband feels I need a job and it will go away on it's own. I have a lot of healing a head of me, sigh. Donna

Donna, The "head issues" do not go away overnight when having this surgery. They may go on the backburner, but they don't just disappear. I too, have had some food issues reappear. Things I thought were all behind me now. Things I thought I walked away from when I laid down on that operating table. Sometimes, part of the problem with this surgery is that the weight drops so rapidly and the brain just does not have time to catch up. I mean, we did not gain 100 pounds in six months, did we? Why would we think that losing 100 pounds in six months would not throw us for a loop? Plus the rigors of this new way of eating are pretty strenuous in the beginning. They let up over time, but it is still a radical new way of living. I don't know you at all. But I know myself. And I know that the gossip in my head damages me, and I bet your gossip in your head hurts you. It is not going to disappear if you get a job. Oh, those little ideas might quiet down, just like they did in these last couple years of post op living. But they too will resurface. I think you should consider your doctor's suggestion and seek some mental health treatment for this. I think ALL post ops need some post op counseling. Obviously we all had food problems or we would not have needed a re-routing of our digestive tracks in order to STOP the craziness, right? To me, the psych stuff should come AFTER surgery, not before. I'm glad you had the courage to write to the group and share this pain. That is a healthy step in the right direction. Now, get the help you need so you can put this all behind you and be happy with the new YOU. You are worth it, Donna. jean

Thanks Jean, I'm just so lost right now and like tonight I refused to eat dinner and I know it's not healthy but I'm NOT hungery and if I eat I'll throw it up. It's awful and NOBODY but people that suffer from this really understand what we deal with on a daily bases. Hugs Donna

OK Donna, you admit that you know not eating supper is an unhealthy thing for you. I want to remind you that if you start getting low on protein again like right after surgery, you are going to start losing hair and muscle mass. Do you think you could compromise and drink a protein drink? Like a ready-made Atkins shake or something easy like that? If solid food makes you feel like purging, perhaps a liquid drink like Atkins would go down and stay down OK. They are loaded in protein and taste fairly decent. The chocolate delight was my favorite and you easily get a four pack of them at wal-mart. Have a protein drink, OK? jean

{{{{hugs}}}} Donna, it takes a lot of courage to admit your eating issues. I know I haven't been posting much here, but I am always here if you need somebody to talk to, feel free to email me anytime. If you can find a professional to speak with who understands what we have been through - that would be great. We didn't get to the place where we needed surgery overnight. And while it seems like the weight comes off almost overnight, it is a never ending head battle for us. Again, please feel free to reach out anytime. {{{{hugs}}}} Mary

Thank you Mary, You make me cry as I write this as I feel so alone right now. Hugs Donna

Mary, this is a really cool picture of you crossing the finish line. I love it! jean

Hi Donna, Your in my thoughts and prayers sweetie. (((((((((hugs Donna)))))))))) Diana

Thanks Diana, Don't sleep well at night and did not even eat dinner last night. My bigger dog who is 25 pounds attacked my little 5 1/2 pound Yorkie last night. Off to the vets we went now this morning the poor thing is having a hard time walk on her left leg but don't seem to be in any pain so off to the vets we go at 7am. Always something, sigh. Donna

{{{{{{Donna}}}}}, I'm so sorry for what you are going through but I'm so glad that you felt like you could turn to all of us. We love you Sweetie and want to be here for you and help you in anyway that we can. I think that it was the best thing for you to do, talking to your surgeon, they know we deal with alot. I really hope you are considering what he said and seeing someone it just might help. Please know that you are in my prayers and I am here for you anytime you need me. Take care, Loni