Off Topic about relationship depression

Group, I need some help. I am so down about my wife leaving me last month. We talked last night for 3.5 hours and it was so bad. Neither of us ae mad at one another, but she just keeps telling me that she fell out of love with me and is very unwilling to get bac together. MAter of fact, she doesnt even want to talk to me anymore. She said it was a huge mistake that we were married eight months ago, and she did it cause she felt it was too late to stop. I thought she wanted to get married very badly. She threatened me to leave if we didnt get engaged,etc. She has been thinking of having an affair in the last several months, and she may have, I wont ever know. I dont mean to whine or seek sympathy but I am so down. She was the only person sho ever said she loved me. I am now 36, and she is the only one. I am not too attractive, and I am morbidly obese. I have a crummy job that has no respect and not very rewarding. I come from a screwed up childhood. She was my brightest moment and now that is gone. I guess what I am seeking from this post is will my life be different with the WLS? If I change who I am, i.e. my weight, will i feel differently? Thanks Yerby

WOW! Ralph, you need some counseling very badly. We all know from experience that "most" obese people have issues that stem from somewhere in our lives hence the reason why we are obese. We have always used food for comfort. (I am speaking in General, so please anyone who may read this who did not experience the same, I do not intend to offend). No ONE person or event should make or break your happiness. It is in my experience that the happiness should come from within YOURSELF. And as I'm sure you have always heard, no one will honestly love you until you LOVE YOURSELF. I have suffered years and years of low self-esteem, and still struggle with it. I had some bad things happen to me from my childhood and early teenage years as well. These were all things I discussed in my Psych eval prior to surgery. Initially I was denied a year ago because of my emotional issues. But I continued to have additional counseling and 6 months later was approved. I AM SO GLAD IT HAPPENED THAT WAY. And now that I have lost 82 pounds, I'm having body image issues. . . as a lot of post ops will also tell you. Your body loses weight and your outward appearance has changed drastically to the public, but your mind is still stuck in the "fat" you. Yes, my confidence has boosted in some areas of my life, like professionally, but I still have some issues in my personal life. I am actually thinking about making an appt with my psych doc that I met with prior to surgery to get some more counseling in to help me deal with these things. Weight Loss Surgery is not a FIX EVERYTHING surgery. It will only fix the physical you. But the physical you will still not be healthy if you don't get help with the emotional you! Just because the weight is gone, doesn't mean the problems are gone. You'll just have the same problems in a smaller body. But it sounds like you need major counseling and you need to surround yourself with positive people and influences. If your wife wants to leave you, as hard as it may be, let her go. Make your mission to better yourself. She may have her own issues she's dealing with. But you can only help yourself! Please contact someone soon! And you can always find people on this site that will lend an ear as well. But it needs to be addressed by a professional! Best of luck to you! Lisa Engelkins lap rny 5/25/04 -82 pounds

I see your picture and you are very handsome. As far as your wife goes, in time you will get over it. Your life will change dramatically after wls. You don't need to change who you are. I am sure you are a wonderful person. I am sorry you are down, and hope everything is going to get better soon. Give it time. You will meet someone else who is more deserving of you.

Hi Ralph, I'm originally from Maiden. My childhood wasn't to great. I haven't had too many people tell those 3 words either, but thank God I found someone who loved me the way I was before WLS and after. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. Sounds like she had a lot of problems emotionally and otherwise possibly and that you were willing to put up and be affected by her problems because of the way she made you feel and the attention she gave you. Believe me. After your surgery, things will be different. I'm sorry it happened, but my advice to you is to pick yourself up the best way you can and just look toward your goal. Think about you and what is best for you. Huggs Jamie

Thanks kelly. Only thing I need now is plastic surgery. I'm not that bad but I still have some loose skin.

thanks for the thoughts and inspiration. I was just so sad this morning when i wrote that. I was at work, surrounded by some friends who know I am going through difficult times, but can't be there for me. I have a small family and they are my backbone through all of this. I guess the six weeks of just not sleeping more than three hours a night, the constant worrying and the confusion has me down. I know that I will make it through this, she will too. I am seeing a counselor every two weeks but three visits so far, but the longing for my wife, the being lonely and other things that I do to make it worse really play havoc on me. I do not want to give up hope, even though she says there is zero chance of us getting back together. I am optimistic, who knows what six months down the road will bring. six months seems an eternity right now, but I guess that is all of my options. Thanks again. Ralph

I hate the kind of pain your suffering, but please know that you are worth more than how she has treated you, you don't deserve to be treated that way. I don't know who told you that your unattractive, but they were wrong, your a nice looking guy! But looks are temporary anyway, its a persons heart, personality and passion that carry them through life. My hubby and I divorced and remarried, we now have 2 great little boys, so whats meant to be will happen either way. You will be in my prayers. Sincerely, Bobbie Tate

Hello Mary, Way to go!!! What a great accomplishment. I am so proud of you and OMG you made excellent time. Your picture link wouldn't work for me. I can't wait to see them. (((hugs))) Diana

Diana, Thanks. It was so amazing. I've always wanted to run the NYC marathon, and I've taken a step in that direction. I'll post again when I get the link fixed. Take Care, Mary

Hi Mary, That's so cool running a marathon. YOU GO GIRL!! With summer in the air I'm getting more busy myself. Donna