You can still be proud of yourself. You made a decision to make a drastic change to your life.  OK you screwed up some. Welcome to the human race. It sounds like the first thing you need to think about is getting healthy. and then losing the weight again. I went through this last summer. I had got into the grazing, eating crap, cause I could, and  because of a change in policy at my workplace, I was dressing business casual , which meant no jeans for me. I really like wrap dresses, and even though I new I was gaining, some weight back, didn't realize how bad it was, until my husband was wearing a pair of the jeans that I had bought when I was at my smallest. i told him that those were mine, and he told me there was no way, I could fit into them. He took them off, and he was right! I couldn't even get them up to my rear. I was stunned, embarrassed. Scared that I would end up at 289 lbs again, after all the time, money, and pain that I had gone through.

I had a RNY and I found that when I got on a plan that I liked, and could use, the weight came off very quickly. within 5 weeks I could wear those jeans again, and made a point of showing my husband that I could. I still battle with the food demons. I don't think that ever goes away. I stumbled on the Weigh****cher Core plan and took their free week web offer.  I changed it a little bit to add more lean protein, and I didn't foll low the vegetable rules. The plan itself is not magic, it was finding something that I could live with, happily. Some of the down sides, were that I had to cook, so I made large batches of things that I liked so I could cook a couple of times a week, and always have stuff that I could eat. I miss the nuts , yes they are protein ,but I ate way too many of them, and i miss cheese, cheddar , provolone, etc. I eat FF cottage cheese, and FF sharp cheddar slices with my salmon patties on flatout bread, and as a treat a few times a week eat some string cheese.  I have tried eating some raw veggies  dipped in Ff  sour cream with onion soup mix. It was OK, but  I would rather just eat raw baby carrots, and angel hair  sliced cabbage with shredded carrots, radishes, a bit on onion powder, and some fake bacon bits. I hate chopping up fruit, and more times than not, when I was trying to eat my fruit, would forget about it until it went bad in the fridge. I buy frozen fruit now, berries mostly, and splenda to them, to give me a sweet treat and fruit. In the mornings i pack my little containers or bags of  raw veggies, cottage cheese, fruit,  string cheese, and beans or salmon. i feel much more in control again, and I am not scared to pull on clothes that I haven't worn in awhile.

You can do this. You still have the tools, and you still want it. The guilt and shame are counter productive. Let it go,. You are worth the effort to determine what will work for you to get back to your healthy weight. We are here for you.