Sex and self consciousness....

I have not posted in a long time, but I have had something that has been weighing on my mind and I don't know where to go with it. To date I have lost 183 lbs. I still have a ways to go but I am certain that I will make it. Up until recently every man I ever dated had a strong preference for larger women. I am now on the verge of becoming involved with someone who has always had a preference for thin women. We have spent a few months getting to know each other and I feel like he and I have a very strong connection and attraction for each other. I REALLY want to take it to the next level but for the first time in my life I am totally self conscious about my body-specifically the way I look naked. The guys I use to date loved my body big so I didn't really ever feel like I was being judged or anything with them. This guy really likes me as a person, but I feel like if he saw me naked he'd be repulsed. I am still a bit big and have some major hanging skin issues, but I'm probably a year away from having any kind of skin removal surgery. I have told him I have had weight loss surgery, and he knows how big I use to be, although he never knew me at that size. I think that he has sensed that I am a little nervous about this whole thing so he is not pressuring me or anything but at the same time, he hasn't been reassuring me either. I think he is actually worried too that he won't be attracted to me physically once the clothes are off. I use to really enjoy sex and now I am afraid of it. I just don't know how to overcome this, and I really really want to. I mean, the only thing that keeps me from jumping him every time I see him is that I know what I look like naked. So-anyone have any encouraging words, or maybe a kick in the head they can give me? Sandra 438/255/160

Hi there Sandra, I am so happy you have posted this message. I am so upset when I see myself naked also. I was very active with the "BBW'S" That is an organization for "BIG Beautiful WOMEN".I am still very active in their activities and still go to their parties to I will be attending the "Philly Bash 2005" Look it up if you care to join us. There are many of us there who have had WLS. We enjoy one good weekend in Philly with our admirers. Ok...Now getting back to this discussion. I dated only men who loved BBW'S. I started my journey at 245lbs and had WLS on 12/15/03. I have lost a total of 115 pds and I am at "GOAL" . I am now weighing 130lbs. I met a man during my journey. I think I had lost about 50 pds when I met him. We began dating in November of 2004. We just celebrated our 6 month anniversary. I told him I had WLS... and yes....there is lots of loose skin. I did have issues with it especially in a bathing suit. He says he accepts me with this loose skin and all. I guess he me. He bought me some sexy lingerie and I asked him nicely to just buy me lingerie that covers the hanging skin. I wear long sexy gowns and short ones that cover the hanging apron if you know what I mean. Sexually I am just feeling wonderful. This weight loss has increased my....sexual desires. Maybe its the vitamins. I am enjoying sex and all I missed when I could hardly move around. Life is great. I also asked him if he would Love me if I was large again and he seems to make me think he would. I am 53 years old and finally can enjoy a sexy, healthy life. I am going to enjoy it.... Loose skin and all. I am going to & as long as I can. Enjoy this wonderful gift of WLS and also enjoy your new relationship ok. If you decide to go to "Philly Bas 2005" let me know ok. Peace and ...Lorraine

Hi Sandra I know what your saying because after loosing almost 300 lbs I have lose skin like all of us do that have had wls.I am lucky because the girl i'm with doesn't care we where friends before we had sex and she knows the road i've been on and is supportive.Good luck.........steve c

Sandra....I think we all have come to this road. I know that I feel sexy in my clothes but its like when I take them off its....WOW "boy did I fool you!" Its hard to come so far in this journey to be left with the ugly sagging skin of a reminder of what we used to be. I will be having my TT in August b/c my insurance will pay for it...but they wont take care of the sagging breast...they are like flubber! Well, here is my 2 cents worth...if he is a man who truly loves you for who you are then the sagging skin will not matter. Don't take anything less then you deserve b/c you are a beautiful wonderful woman who has come a long way! take care...karie

Hi Sandra, I just saw your post from May. I wanted to say: Before your surgery you were with men who liked you for you were and accepted and like your size. You deserve the same now! If your boyfriend will not like you because your journey has left you with a lot of skin, then he is not right for you. Whoever you are with needs to accept you as you are today. Before I had my surgery my husband and I had to talk. He is a man who generally perfers women with some size. I had to make sure that he could still accept me regardless of how much weight I lose or don't lose. I was so nervous that he would not like I how I look. Sometimes I make comments about all my sagging skin (I am probably a year away from a tummy tuck too) and he reassures me that it doesn't matter and he loves me. I am very lucky, however, just as you were able to date men who loved you big, you can find a man who will not be repulsed, and will love and accept you the way you are. You deserve nothing less! Take care, Cheryl