Where are all the nice people? (vent)

Hello all, I hope everyone is doing well. I am not.... For some reason I am having a hard time with things lately. I have started questioning all of my friendships and/ or relationships period. Its like suddenly I realized how much I needed to be needed and that I had attracted all these friends who only cared when I was doing something for them? It seems hard to tell if this is a realistic perception or not? I guess as I work myself into a new body image that actually allows for a little vanity that I have now become aware of how vain everyone else is. Am I alone? Am I crazy? I have been feeling this way for a while (probably working on a month now) and the more analysis I do, the worse I feel! I know some of it is a direct reflection of my personal situation.... (and all these meaning of life fwd: emails I get aren't helping either!!! lol) I am a single, widowed mother with no more living relatives besides my step grandma, who is old and judgmental that I live with, and my dad and brother who are losers that I dont talk to. I also just recently got the balls to dump my ex who was such a user and a liar and cheater (he made me beleive he was a kind hearted loving man and got to my deeper emotions just in time for me to find out how awful he really was) and to realize I deserve better... ok GREAT REALIZATION.... except now I'm lonely and bored and WHERE do I happen to find BETTER? cause last time I checked... Love didnt come knockin at your door... and right now I'd take some good honest decent company and a good laugh knockin at my door. I don't mean to be having a pity party.... and I debated posting this for the last few days and decided.... ahhh why not... but do you all relate at all? do you think this has to do mostly with changing self esteem after surgery? or??? I am open for any advice or words of wisdom... I just feel like this world is going down the tubes and all the decent hard working honest people are gone? Why couldn't I have been raising kids when I was a kid and it felt like people still cared...

(((((Shawnna))))) sorry you are feeling this way, but it will pass. The more confident you become in taking care of you and in your decision to do the WLS, the easier it will be overcoming these feelings of late. You are going through a major lifestyle change for about the lets say 4th - 5th time in your life but this time it is affecting you because of YOUR CHOICE, and that is a SCARY thing. We all have the need to love and be loved but when it isnt HEALTHY for you in any shape, person or situation, then it is time to move on, which is what you have done. And the people around you who were so called friends are backing away cause you are beginning to see through the BS associate with the selfishness of their ways. Soon you will be finding the right kind of people in your life who will want to be with and around you for the right reasons. They say all things happen for a reason. Maybe the reason for the loneliness is because you are doing an internal cleansing of your body of all the bad things and it is reflective of things on the outside too. Soon you will be ready to bring about the choice to allow the right people into your life that will enhance your life and make you feel loved and wanted without the negative or selfish attachments associate with being in any kind of relationship with you. Like anything it takes time, but you also have to remember that you and you alone are responsible for your own happiness. Others can enhance it, but you own that exclusive right to make it happen. So right now your feelings are justified because you know that its time for change and soon you will bring in the right needs for you when its right. I hope that i have said something that helps. Dont ever be afraid to reach out and tell people what you want. Nor should you feel bad or wrong about how you perceive things--they are your feelings. Do something nice for yourself today that is purely selfish. Enjoy you!!! Take care, smile and laugh and they will all wonder what you are up too... or think you are a bit daft either way... have fun... sunny

Shawna, I can only speak for myself here, but this weight loss and the surgery have had as much effect on me emotionally, as physically. My relationships with my friends are changing and not necessarily for the better. I tend to want to spend more time with fellow wls folks and less time with my old friends. Have you found a live support group? This is such a time of transition for us, (did you read my response to Katy's post a couple of days ago?) Hang in there, there are good people out there. Jackie

Shawna, I know it is not the same and maybe not much comfort but we are all here for you. You are going to change and some of the people around you will change also. The best you can do is stay true to yourself and what you know is right. With the newfound self esteem you are getting, the men will come and because you will be more confident BETTER men will come into your life. Just try to have patience, work on yourself now. This is time for YOU. Everything will fall into place for you soon. I wish you all the best. Tracy

Hi Shawna, Isnt it amazing- all the changes we are going through? I wonder if it's the timing, but the emotions are kicking in all over the place on this board. I'm not feeling as "thick- skinned" (no pun intended) as before my surgery.. Things are bugging me and I find myself re-analyzing some relationships as well. Then I realize - these people are the same ,it's me who is changing... physically as well as becoming stronger and more confidant emotionally... the way people in my life are reacting to my transformation is the way I'd expect them to, if I really think about it.. We gotta face it- it's time to bloom- things that are good in our garden of life need to be tended to- help them grow into something more beautiful along with you.. and it just might be time to pull those that are weeds and let them wither.. even if they once were green...I hope this rambling makes some sense... Elaine

Shawna, Please know that everyone on the board is here to support you! We are all going through this journey which is very unique to us. People who have not had WLS cannot possibly understand the feelings and emotions we have. But WE all understand, so please lean on us! As much as your physical and emotional being is changing, maybe your spiritual being is crying out for change also. I don't know what yuor beliefs are, but you may want to try getting involved at a church or in a singles ministry. It may be worth trying to find a nice man in this setting instead of at a party or a laundromat. I can't remember who said this quote (probably Dr. Phil ) "the definition of CRAZY is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get different results." If what you're doing isn't working, try a different approach. Just food for thought. Lisa G

Shawna,,, Me too single widowed mom And Feeling the same way...... I think we will get through it tho.

Shawna, Some of it is pretty simple. You were used to being a doormat for people in order to feel accepted. That's over now; your new assertiveness is quite normal. Also, this is YOUR time to feel special and do everything you can for yourself to ensure your success. If your friends can't see that, let them go for awhile. They'll come around sooner or later. You'll be so attractive to your SELF and others, you'll be plenty busy with relationships! Enjoy the lull - use the time on yourself!! Donna